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Mourning loss as a remote team

sofuckingagile.com

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Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#231

Post by 9530jh9054ven »

vlunkr wrote: post #58
dougmwne wrote: post #13

My partner sat in the same cube pod as someone who took their life. One day they were just gone and a crying family member came by to take away a box of things. There was no official acknowledgement of what happened, no service or memorializing, only hushed whispers. It was terrible. Thank you for your humane response to Pete's death, for creating room for the team to grieve and official acknowledgement that it was n…

Is this the norm? I don't see why they wouldn't at least announce it an email. It's a bit of a weird topic for a work email, but it's certainly better than doing absolutely nothing.

Depends on the company. I know for a fact that if I died tomorrow, only two people would actually notice at all and neither of them are coworkers.

It doesn't seem particularly helpful to send out a notifications to people other then those that would be affected by having to take on my workload. And what good would come from them being told I was dead vs just left?

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#232

Post by wccrawford »

eyelidlessness wrote: post #123
avgcorrection wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> this isn’t work related, So give them time off to grieve. Once you say that “they need you [the manager] in a time of crisis” you are putting the tragedy in a work-related context. The crux of the issue is the tragedy that happened. Not how the supposed leader responds to it. The worker bees can get space to grieve alone or among their peers.

Several years ago, I lost a friend to cancer. He had previously worked on my team, and was well liked there. My boss at the time, who I adored and still do, hadn’t known him as well but understood that his death devastated to me. I came in on a Saturday to let the team know of his passing, and to work. We had scheduled a weekend hackathon—if I recall, this had been my idea originally. My boss, very sincerely concerne…

My limited experiences of grief has shown that I react largely the same way at first, and then later probably need that time off. So I'd rather come in and get some work done until things really hit home, and then take that time. Others clearly need the time right away instead.

I think a lot of people still don't realize that everyone deals with emotions differently, even though they've been told that a lot in the last few decades, and perhaps a lot longer.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#233

Post by trinsic2 »

Thanks for posting this and thank you to the organization for being honest and upfront about where your team was at with remote workers and the lack of communication with family. On the one hand, I really think remote work is great for many people who cant get into the office and I am glad its becoming more of a thing. On the other hand, I can see for myself, that remote work might put a strain on a person who doesn't go out much, or has mental health issues and that there can be a disconnection from others by relying to much on remote interactions. I learned a lot from this post and I will remember to reach out more and inquire about people I work with remotely, with care obviously.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#234

Post by chrisandchris »

rendall wrote: post #220

If you work remote, I encourage you to turn on your cameras, and encourage icebreakers and social chatting. Have face-to-face meetings if possible, but take time out to hang out with your remote colleagues. Do this daily. It is important for mental health, and will also help with team trust and productivity. My sincerest, heart-broken condolences to @sofuckingagile.

What's the experience / statistics about that? I'm not always cam-on but most of the time I use the cam and I encourage others to use it.

> [...] and even during the interview process we didn’t use cameras.

Yes, appereance does not matter (mostly) for your job performance, but seing a face just makes it more human.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#235

Post by gkop »

cphoover wrote: post #219

While I do not always put my camera on... (sometimes I like wearing a raggedy old t shirt and taking a call from my sofa chair) I think this shows one major advantage to face to face communication which is human connection.

Would you spell out please why you don’t put the camera on when joining from your sofa chair?

I feel self-conscious joining from my couch occasionally, but am pushing through it, there’s no reason why we can’t normalize harmless alternatives to desk locations. So just want to check that I’m not missing some material consequence of this behavior.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#236

Post by geraldwhen »

illender wrote: post #199

Ive been on fmla since first week of jan. i'm trading self harm for more time. the thoughts are killing me slowly until i lose the battle. i'm desperatly trying to bring myself to call EAP and get in a hospital but that scares me even more. I tried to resign my remote job and they refused to accept it and sent the cops. i don't know why i'm sharing this here. The entire company went on holiday and i volunteered for t…

Screw the job. Join a group fitness class, an amateur sport, something with other people that isn’t a job. Leave mid day. Take a walk.

What are they going to do, fire you? Who cares.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#237

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

freedomben wrote: post #179
TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Reactions from management and everyone else is typically different for suicides than for car crashes and other causes. In my experience, suicides are hushed and not discussed while car crashes and heart attacks are. It’s a terrible double-standard.

Same. I don't think it's with mal intent, I think it's the result of a (misguided) attempt to give the passed privacy or spare them the embarrassment/humiliation/stigma that some people (mainly those who have never struggled with depression/suicide) think is attached to it. A good friend of mine committed suicide several years ago, and it was like pulling teeth trying to get somebody to just tell me WTF was going on.…

I've had the same experience - when someone passed, no one would tell me the cause of death. I surmised the cause because of that, but never got external confirmation. It was just so ... strange.

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#239

Post by sgt »

simsla wrote: post #143
gcheong wrote: post #126

I don’t know if Pete was working from Scotland in which case he would have had access to NHS, but if not, then I’m all the more convinced that we need such a system in the US so nobody need depend on their company status to have access to what should be basic healthcare.

Unfortunately, NHS waiting times for mental health are abysmally long.

Surely there is a private health sector as well?

Re: Mourning loss as a remote team

#240

Post by eric-hu »

civilized wrote: post #224
Corrado wrote: post #212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was a contractor in corporate America for a while and experienced the same thing. The way it was explained to me was that you cannot give contractors the same "benefits" is a regular employee. If you do, then you have to treat them as employees, which means you have to offer the same healthcare, PTO structure, etc. I don't think the rules around the "benefits" were especially clear from a legal standpoint. Therefor…

This seems inconsistent with what little I know of employment law, or at least the spirit of the law. The difference between an employee and a contractor is mostly about the degree of control the employer exerts. Employees are more heavily controlled and therefore get more protections and benefits. In a sane world, common practices like forbidding a "contractor" from working with any other company would be more legal…

I was a long term, full time contractor from about 2015 until 2019. It worked out better for me since I was working as a nomad abroad. Around 2019, my client wanted me on as an employee. I never found out the precise motivations, but I suspect it had to do with the contractor laws getting tightened down for rideshare drivers. I suspect that I could have remained a contractor by the letter of the law, but that still might have skirted into territory the legal team was not comfortable with. This seems like the most reasonable read of the situation to me, but it’s still only my speculation.
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