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Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#221

Post by micromacrofoot »

agent008t wrote: post #192
micromacrofoot wrote: post #186

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think you're quite following where I'm coming from and maybe because I didn't provide much detail. "The right time" is usually a moving target, right job, right house, right income, right mindset, right location... you can "just another year" things for a decade... if you wait too long that window won't come and you'll be too old. Having children gets much much harder if you wait until the last minute (in ter…

And why is this part of life one where selfishness - "I want that experience for my life" - is applauded and encouraged? Especially given that here, the child suffers if you make a mistake. Humans tend to be far more judgmental about selfish desires where mostly just the selfish person suffers if a mistake is made. There are other ways to experience the joys of parenthood, especially given that most parents seem to l…

Reproduction is a baseline biological function and I will never agree that participating is "selfish." We're not going to see eye-to-eye here.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#222

Post by ridiculous_leke »

acidbaseextract wrote: post #89
version_five wrote: post #3

I'm in my early 40s, I can't really think of anything, maybe because it's too close to realize what mistakes I might have made, and I don't really believe in that kind of retrospection generally. FWIW, if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family (and want to some day), consider doing it in your early 30s (or earlier), there are a lot of things that get tougher as you get older. I don't regret…

I don't regret putting it off until my 40s because it let me find a person I want to have a family with Thank you for including this tidbit. I'm a man in my early 30s interested in having kids and recently discovered that I've poorly vetted my 5+ year SO's interest in having kids. Her "yeah, I'm hypothetically interested" has become "hard not interested". The requirement to break up with her if I want kids is deeply…

> I've poorly vetted my 5+ year SO's interest in having kids. Her "yeah, I'm hypothetically interested" has become "hard not interested".

Can't this be a simple yes/no answer? I have never been a relationship. So pardon me if I am being ignorant.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#225

Post by nsonha »

Xeoncross wrote: post #99
dartdartdart wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right, best would be if rich people adopt poor kids

or simply stopped stealing the relief aid meant for their village/city/state/country

Which is a non existent phenomenon. You don't help people by not giving birth, or do nothing in general, you do that by actually donating/adopting etc

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#226

Post by SecurityLagoon »

agent008t wrote: post #173
throwaway19423 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

+1 Had kids in late 30s, and now have young kids in my 40s. It is hard physically, mentally, career-wise and other dimensions. Only financially, I'd say I'm less worried than if I was in my early 20s. But my financial security was probably strong right after grad school (world was my oyster!)

Having children is hard. Why do you think it would've been easier physically, mentally, career-wise when you are a lot less established and more stressed in the early 20s? Isn't the conclusion here "Young children will make your life worse, do not have them"?

Depends what field you are in but generally later in your career you have more responsibility and requirement to spend more mental energy on work that you could have otherwise put towards looking after a kid.

If you are only expected to show up for your 7.5 hours and wack out a handful of lines of code a day you have way more mental and time capacity for family.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#227

Post by beckingz »

acidbaseextract wrote: post #89
version_five wrote: post #3

I'm in my early 40s, I can't really think of anything, maybe because it's too close to realize what mistakes I might have made, and I don't really believe in that kind of retrospection generally. FWIW, if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family (and want to some day), consider doing it in your early 30s (or earlier), there are a lot of things that get tougher as you get older. I don't regret…

I don't regret putting it off until my 40s because it let me find a person I want to have a family with Thank you for including this tidbit. I'm a man in my early 30s interested in having kids and recently discovered that I've poorly vetted my 5+ year SO's interest in having kids. Her "yeah, I'm hypothetically interested" has become "hard not interested". The requirement to break up with her if I want kids is deeply…

I just left a relationship for this reason, and it is so deeply painful. I wish you the best. I think it is the right decision and that making it sooner rather than later is best, but it is not easy.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#228

Post by wodenokoto »

lawlorino wrote: post #184
wodenokoto wrote: post #179

Earlier quoted context omitted.

30 is the new 20. I had a talk with a friend the other day about how 50 year olds used to be old. They just don’t look or feel that way now a days

I sometimes think this, but then I wonder if it's just because I too got older.

You can look at old movies.

George Costanza is thirty in season one of Seinfeld. He could easily go for mid 40s.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#229

Post by [deleted] »

blueridge wrote: post #64

I waited entirely too long to get settled. I didn't really understand the value of "home" until my thirties. I used to be a hardcore "minimalist" throughout my twenties and into my early thirties. I didn't want to own anything at all, didn't want to have objects or things that I'd have to move, that could tie me down to a space or place. I didn't want to have to fix or maintain anything. In my thirties, I realized th…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#230

Post by yywwbbn »

agent008t wrote: post #189
drnonsense42 wrote: post #182

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the type of modern wisdom that the person you’re responding to is deliberately contradicting. This modern wisdom is why our birth rate (at least for citizens) is so catastrophically low. Sure, you can’t be a 20yo janitor with a housewife, 3 kids, a home, and new iPhones every 2 years, but plenty of people go for kids before they’re “ready” and make it just fine.

Why is it 'catastrophically' low? It is not obvious to me that the UK, for example, would not enjoy much higher standards of living if it had half the population. Technology and innovation does not increase the availability of good land and nice housing, but it does massively increase productivity in other areas. I would also argue that plenty of people that go for children who are not ready for it don't make it just…

> It is not obvious to me that the UK, for example, would not enjoy much higher standards of living if it had half the population.

The problem is the transition to this lower population. You’d have a period of 40/50 years where older people severely outnumber those who are relatively young, leading to massive increase in per capita healthcare expenditures coupled with a decrease in productivity. So no, at least bot in our lifetimes.

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