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But life had other plans

danlebrero.com

171–180 of 247 posts

Re: But life had other plans

#171

I know two cases when people gave up trying to conceive, they got pregnant naturally. One was doing IVF, the other hormone therapy. Both needed a break and both got pregnant in this break. It makes you think how much stress and mind play a role.

The stress factor may actually be an evolutionary trait.

Re: But life had other plans

#172
post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m…not sure I follow. Are you implying that her contraceptive pill was somehow less effective against the sperm of someone else?

That there are situations where women have affairs and get pregnant in very narrow timelines then have their partner think it’s their child. Putting the morality of this aside and speaking practically, unsuspecting men should have a DNA test if the timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary.

> Turns out she'd been already pregnant for almost a month. That kind of contraceptive is only 99% effective. Our daughter was born eight months later.

This kind of "oops" is very common.

If/when you're done having children, or have no desire for children, you really need to get surgery.

Re: But life had other plans

#173
post #77

In my late 30's, with the only indication that we were fertile at all having been an ectopic pregnancy many years before, we gave up. We had wanted kids, but our lives were good, with nieces and nephews we love. A few months before my 40th birthday - and the pandemic - SURPRISE! We are currently the proud but exhausted old parents of an increasingly rambunctious toddler.

You aren't that old. I know someone who had twins in his mid 40s. My cousin also had multiple pregnancies in her 40s.

I also had my last a few months before my 40th birthday.

BTW: "Oopsies" are common. If you're 100% done, consider surgical birth control.

Re: But life had other plans

#174

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Certainly. It's being paid for by the universal basic health care that our government provides. One of the reasons we pay taxes.

Okay, you give the government money (taxes) and then the government pays the clinics for your medical care (with the tax money). But doesn’t that mean you’re still paying for your own medical care with the government acting as a middle-man? So then it’s not free.

You are missing the key feature: solidarity.

It is not paying for your own medical care it is paying a small proportion of everyone's medical care.

And in fact for a proportion of the population it is in fact free or nearly so because they have never paid any income tax or the cost was so high that the taxes they did pay plus the proceeds of selling very possession they had and selling their children into servitude still wasn't enough to pay for it.

And lastly, we all understand the point of taxation and redistribution (at least in Europe we do) so what exactly was the point you were repeatedly failing to make clear?

Re: But life had other plans

#175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Certainly. It's being paid for by the universal basic health care that our government provides. One of the reasons we pay taxes.

Okay, you give the government money (taxes) and then the government pays the clinics for your medical care (with the tax money). But doesn’t that mean you’re still paying for your own medical care with the government acting as a middle-man? So then it’s not free.

Do you feel like this was an insightful point that needed clarification?

Re: But life had other plans

#176
post #69

Several years ago my wife and I agreed we'd actively start making a baby and quit contraceptives. She was on the pill (progestogen-only) and we'd been using it for the better part of three years. Worked fine, she took it religiously at the same time every day. So we agreed to quit, and the next day she comes to me, awkwardly, saying "It worked!" half-jokingly. I stared at the pregnancy test, positive and unambiguous…

Typically, it’s 99% per year or something like that. Even with perfect use that’s a 1 in 10 chance per decade.

Re: But life had other plans

#177
post #162
post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does it really matter whose child it is? You seem to be writing this as if she might give birth to a goblin or something like that. I can't see what's "speaking practically" and "putting the morality aside" here, because there's not really any practical difference.

1) You seem to have totally focused on the "parent" role, and forgotten the "partner" aspect. This has major implications for the relationship. 2) The practical difference is choice. Biological parents are pretty stuck. People in this situation aren't at all.

Nope. Once you have kids being the parent is the most important thing.

Re: But life had other plans

#178

Life finds a way. My wife had generalized tonic-clonic seizure for an entire year (non previous seizure history) without any cause being detected by multiple MRIs. She was taking increasing doses of Levetiracetam that somehow controlled the scope of the seizures but not avoid them completely. After a year of this, we go for another ER visit after the latest one and she ask, somehow randomly, to have a pregnancy test,…

A heart-breaking story, thank you for sharing.

Re: But life had other plans

#179
post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That there are situations where women have affairs and get pregnant in very narrow timelines then have their partner think it’s their child. Putting the morality of this aside and speaking practically, unsuspecting men should have a DNA test if the timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary.

What are the compelling reasons not to get a DNA test as a man (when a woman is claiming, “You are the biological father of this baby.”)? Is it expensive or illegal or will your friends shame you or the woman will be angry?

What are compelling reasons to get one? Worst case scenario, you have baby.

Re: But life had other plans

#180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

On the one hand, yes. On the other hand, if it's truly his child, why would his wife be opposed to verifying that? Not to mention that it can likely be done without her knowledge.

Suggesting that not only do you not trust your wife but you also don’t trust her so much so that you get a paternity test without her knowledge shows a huge lack of faith in the relationship, and I would caution against this. Please remember the original circumstance is that a woman ends up pregnant on an imperfect birth control; there’s no reason or contextual evidence for any sort of cheating behavior. Assuming you…

It’s very kind of you to write this all out, but frankly if you’re the kind of person who worries about stuff like that you’ll poison your relationship with distrust regardless. If not this than something else.
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