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But life had other plans

danlebrero.com

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Re: But life had other plans

#161

Post by burrows »

royjacobs wrote: post #156
burrows wrote: post #142

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What does the word “free” mean here? I assume the clinical professionals are paid and the researchers were paid and the pharma venders are paid, so that money is coming from somewhere. Is it that someone other than you pays for it?

Certainly. It's being paid for by the universal basic health care that our government provides. One of the reasons we pay taxes.

Okay, you give the government money (taxes) and then the government pays the clinics for your medical care (with the tax money).

But doesn’t that mean you’re still paying for your own medical care with the government acting as a middle-man? So then it’s not free.

Re: But life had other plans

#162

Post by mod »

samhw wrote: post #138
sizzle wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That there are situations where women have affairs and get pregnant in very narrow timelines then have their partner think it’s their child. Putting the morality of this aside and speaking practically, unsuspecting men should have a DNA test if the timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary.

Does it really matter whose child it is? You seem to be writing this as if she might give birth to a goblin or something like that. I can't see what's "speaking practically" and "putting the morality aside" here, because there's not really any practical difference.

1) You seem to have totally focused on the "parent" role, and forgotten the "partner" aspect. This has major implications for the relationship.

2) The practical difference is choice. Biological parents are pretty stuck. People in this situation aren't at all.

Re: But life had other plans

#163

Post by froh »

samhw wrote: post #138
sizzle wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That there are situations where women have affairs and get pregnant in very narrow timelines then have their partner think it’s their child. Putting the morality of this aside and speaking practically, unsuspecting men should have a DNA test if the timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary.

Does it really matter whose child it is? You seem to be writing this as if she might give birth to a goblin or something like that. I can't see what's "speaking practically" and "putting the morality aside" here, because there's not really any practical difference.

Yes! Especially several years later. Stupid shit happens, to all of us. And if the kid has 'adopted' the father, then for many years it will be outright traumatic to cut the relationship and trust if that kid just because if some test. Oh, not my DNA, then I don't love you? How narcissistic of a father would that be? Joseph of Nazareth would like to have a word, too...

No, there should be very good and compelling reasons to request a DNA test.

Re: But life had other plans

#164

Post by jonstaab »

nl wrote: post #85
dskloet wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I thought the contraceptive doesn't prevent the pregnancy but just causes the body to menstruate regardless. So she might have been pregnant many times but this time it wasn't terminated by mensuration? (I'm certainly not very confident in my understanding.)

No, this is incorrect. > The birth control pill works by stopping sperm from joining with an egg. When sperm joins with an egg it’s called fertilization. > The hormones in the pill safely stop ovulation. No ovulation means there’s no egg for sperm to fertilize, so pregnancy can’t happen. > The pill’s hormones also thicken the mucus on the cervix. This thicker cervical mucus blocks sperm so it can’t swim to an egg — k…

This is correct with the additional caveat that the pill also thins the uterine lining, making it difficult for the embryo to implant in the rare event of fertilization. So for people concerned about avoiding an abortion, the pill rarely, but not never, results in abortion.

Re: But life had other plans

#165

Post by SamoyedFurFluff »

sizzle wrote: post #136
KyeRussell wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m…not sure I follow. Are you implying that her contraceptive pill was somehow less effective against the sperm of someone else?

That there are situations where women have affairs and get pregnant in very narrow timelines then have their partner think it’s their child. Putting the morality of this aside and speaking practically, unsuspecting men should have a DNA test if the timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary.

Assuming you’re living close to your partner, the actual amount of effort necessary would be a lot. The very narrow time window described is actually multiple weeks long. This is because when you go off hormonal birth control the first thing that happens is you have a period, then you need to stop taking it long enough for your body to rebuild the lining enough to be receptive.

You really have to not be paying attention to your partner, or your partner and your lifestyle is that neither of you live closely, for this to just happen.

Additionally, I feel this amount of mistrust should say a lot more about the relationship than about the woman. If you don’t trust your partner not to go off her birth control for multiple weeks to get secretly pregnant with someone else, why are you their partner? frankly your partner deserves better than you.

Re: But life had other plans

#166

Post by SamoyedFurFluff »

john1633 wrote: post #155
dash2 wrote: post #148

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In this case, it would show that he doesn't trust his wife.

On the one hand, yes. On the other hand, if it's truly his child, why would his wife be opposed to verifying that? Not to mention that it can likely be done without her knowledge.

Suggesting that not only do you not trust your wife but you also don’t trust her so much so that you get a paternity test without her knowledge shows a huge lack of faith in the relationship, and I would caution against this. Please remember the original circumstance is that a woman ends up pregnant on an imperfect birth control; there’s no reason or contextual evidence for any sort of cheating behavior. Assuming your partner is cheating with no evidence sucks. Assuming your partner might be cheating so much so you have to get a paternity test sucks even more for the non-cheating partner.

This is in situations where a heterosexual woman gets suspicious if her partner has literally any female friends. What if she started going around and wanting paternity tests of your friend group if they happen to be pregnant, just to make sure you didn’t cheat with any of your friends, despite you remaining faithful the entire time?

Re: But life had other plans

#167

Post by nautilius »

burrows wrote: post #142
royjacobs wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unless you live in a country like The Netherlands, where the first three IVF procedures are, in fact, free. I won't disagree with you on the roller coaster of emotions, though.

What does the word “free” mean here? I assume the clinical professionals are paid and the researchers were paid and the pharma venders are paid, so that money is coming from somewhere. Is it that someone other than you pays for it?

It's pretty clear what 'free' means here, the person getting the treatment is not billed for the treatment. In that way, a society organizes that no one has the existential threat (financially or medically) of prohibitively high cost.

It's so obvious that I don't understand how people still see it as this elevating 'gotcha' moment. It's the same when you drink free beer, breath free air, enjoy free time, etc: obviously it doesn't just appear from nothingness but has (opportunity) cost.

Re: But life had other plans

#168

Post by Chris2048 »

yonatron wrote: post #131

Something to consider (or if you're dead set against this idea, don't): Sounds to me like God wacking you over the head with a 2X4 and saying "Hey! Hello?! I'm here. (Yes, for both what you humans call "good" and "bad" ) So be in touch, and stop calling Me "Life"!! "

And all the people with bad luck? What's that, the devil?

Re: But life had other plans

#169

Post by gwbas1c »

ane wrote: post #69

Several years ago my wife and I agreed we'd actively start making a baby and quit contraceptives. She was on the pill (progestogen-only) and we'd been using it for the better part of three years. Worked fine, she took it religiously at the same time every day. So we agreed to quit, and the next day she comes to me, awkwardly, saying "It worked!" half-jokingly. I stared at the pregnancy test, positive and unambiguous…

Yeah, my wife an I had the conversation and decided that she was going to go off of birth control in a few weeks. Two weeks later, she missed her period.

I promised to get a vasectomy on the spot.

A few weeks later she learned that her sister also had an oops. They both gave birth within a few days of each other.

Re: But life had other plans

#170

Post by gwbas1c »

dskloet wrote: post #73
ane wrote: post #69

Several years ago my wife and I agreed we'd actively start making a baby and quit contraceptives. She was on the pill (progestogen-only) and we'd been using it for the better part of three years. Worked fine, she took it religiously at the same time every day. So we agreed to quit, and the next day she comes to me, awkwardly, saying "It worked!" half-jokingly. I stared at the pregnancy test, positive and unambiguous…

I thought the contraceptive doesn't prevent the pregnancy but just causes the body to menstruate regardless. So she might have been pregnant many times but this time it wasn't terminated by mensuration? (I'm certainly not very confident in my understanding.)

I vaguely remember misinformation about birth control in Catholic school. They told us that IUDs kill fertilized eggs.

It was completely wrong.

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