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But life had other plans

danlebrero.com

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Re: But life had other plans

#151

Post by iliekcomputers »

samhw wrote: post #138
sizzle wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That there are situations where women have affairs and get pregnant in very narrow timelines then have their partner think it’s their child. Putting the morality of this aside and speaking practically, unsuspecting men should have a DNA test if the timeline of conception feels off or extraordinary.

Does it really matter whose child it is? You seem to be writing this as if she might give birth to a goblin or something like that. I can't see what's "speaking practically" and "putting the morality aside" here, because there's not really any practical difference.

>Does it really matter whose child it is?

Umm what? Do you not see the inherent breakage of trust if your wife is having sex with someone else in a monogamous relationship and then trying to pass off someone else' kid as yours?

Re: But life had other plans

#152

Post by mcv »

Not remotely as extreme as this, but we had a lot of trouble conceiving of our second child, after a very complicated birth for our first. We did want a second child, though, so we went through all sorts of fertility treatments, with no results except for one miscarriage. Eventually we were tired of it and gave up. After a few months we were ready to give it another go, and we'd start with new fertility treatments after her next period. That period never came, and we got another son instead (with a much easier pregnancy and birth than the first one).

Re: But life had other plans

#153

Post by krab »

iliekcomputers wrote: post #151
samhw wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does it really matter whose child it is? You seem to be writing this as if she might give birth to a goblin or something like that. I can't see what's "speaking practically" and "putting the morality aside" here, because there's not really any practical difference.

>Does it really matter whose child it is? Umm what? Do you not see the inherent breakage of trust if your wife is having sex with someone else in a monogamous relationship and then trying to pass off someone else' kid as yours?

It doesn't matter for this story of contraception not working 100%.

Re: But life had other plans

#154

Post by mayankkaizen »

gassius wrote: post #122

Life finds a way. My wife had generalized tonic-clonic seizure for an entire year (non previous seizure history) without any cause being detected by multiple MRIs. She was taking increasing doses of Levetiracetam that somehow controlled the scope of the seizures but not avoid them completely. After a year of this, we go for another ER visit after the latest one and she ask, somehow randomly, to have a pregnancy test,…

This is a heart breaking story. Stories like these really put life in a different perspective. This sort of reminds of me my brother's wife story. She died of Glioblastoma at very young age (age 34).

Thank you for sharing this.

Re: But life had other plans

#155

Post by john1633 »

dash2 wrote: post #148
burrows wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are the compelling reasons not to get a DNA test as a man (when a woman is claiming, “You are the biological father of this baby.”)? Is it expensive or illegal or will your friends shame you or the woman will be angry?

In this case, it would show that he doesn't trust his wife.

On the one hand, yes. On the other hand, if it's truly his child, why would his wife be opposed to verifying that? Not to mention that it can likely be done without her knowledge.

Re: But life had other plans

#156

Post by royjacobs »

burrows wrote: post #142
royjacobs wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unless you live in a country like The Netherlands, where the first three IVF procedures are, in fact, free. I won't disagree with you on the roller coaster of emotions, though.

What does the word “free” mean here? I assume the clinical professionals are paid and the researchers were paid and the pharma venders are paid, so that money is coming from somewhere. Is it that someone other than you pays for it?

Certainly. It's being paid for by the universal basic health care that our government provides. One of the reasons we pay taxes.

Re: But life had other plans

#159

Post by burrows »

dash2 wrote: post #148
burrows wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are the compelling reasons not to get a DNA test as a man (when a woman is claiming, “You are the biological father of this baby.”)? Is it expensive or illegal or will your friends shame you or the woman will be angry?

In this case, it would show that he doesn't trust his wife.

IMO you make a wise point:

Doing a paternity test may necessarily or inadvertently reveal to his wife a limit of his trust for her.

Re: But life had other plans

#160

Post by tonyarkles »

mcv wrote: post #152

Not remotely as extreme as this, but we had a lot of trouble conceiving of our second child, after a very complicated birth for our first. We did want a second child, though, so we went through all sorts of fertility treatments, with no results except for one miscarriage. Eventually we were tired of it and gave up. After a few months we were ready to give it another go, and we'd start with new fertility treatments af…

It's all still quite recent, but we're currently in a similar boat. We don't yet have a child though, only a miscarriage a few years ago. Around Christmas/New Years, we had a bit of a chat about things and, accepting that the clock is definitely ticking, we were going to consider trying one round of fertility treatments. We want kids enough, but also are pragmatic enough to accept that things just might not work out for us on that front.

February comes along and she gets COVID. I happened to be about an hour out of town when she first tested positive, and we decided I should stay out there unless I too happened to test positive. A week passes, she's still testing positive on rapid tests, and most of her original symptoms are gone, but she's feeling "funky" nonetheless. On a whim, has a long-expired pregnancy test in the back of a drawer, and tests positive. I was coming into town for a Costco run the next day and picked up some fresh tests for her. Fresh test immediately comes back very positive.

At the Ultrasound they do measurements to evaluate how far along things are. 6 weeks! Later on that day I pulled out the calendar and start counting backwards... and smile because that was a really great weekend 6 weekends prior :D

Edit: next big hurdle is next week where we go back for a second ultrasound and hopefully see/hear a heartbeat. Everything else looked excellent at the first ultrasound, but it was just a bit too early according to the tech.

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