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Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#151

Post by Kye »

unmole wrote: post #150
Kye wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Watching friends struggle and work hard while making little progress for years as job after job rejects them for being overqualified or for not already having 30 years of experience tells me this is a reasonable expectation. If there was a ladder up, it's been conclusively kicked down. Some of them get lucky with a tech job and, if all goes well from here, might retire before 80.

This doesn't match my experience at all. My perspective might obviously be skewed by living in an emerging market economy but I don't know anyone who hasn't seen an improvement in their financial circumstances over seven years, Covid notwithstanding. I really don't think there are a lot of people on HN who are stuck in dead end jobs with no growth. And as harsh as it may sound, if someone can't retire before 80 despi…

Who said anything about people on HN? The friends I'm talking about mostly work retail paying off degrees that were supposed to get them good jobs. The US is not an emerging market economy where there's a lot of potential growth. You either get a job in tech, probably moving away from everything and everyone you've ever known (hard), or you try to create some niche at the intersection of your skills and interests (still hard, but less dictated by random luck). There really isn't an option C unless you had a privileged upbringing.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#152

Post by 411111111111111 »

Xeoncross wrote: post #82
dartdartdart wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Waiting is not bad, most child abuse cases come from people who shouldn't have had kids in the first place. The worst case if you wait is that you'll have to adopt kids, which is arguably way more humane than introducing another hungry soul into the world.

It's not that we have too many mouths to feed, it's that we have too many selfish people in positions of leadership and authority who exploit the masses to line their own pockets. Having 50% less people would reduce the overall hunger numbers, but not the ratio.

> Having 50% less people would reduce the overall hunger numbers, but not the ratio.

This argument is flawed because of the we're consuming significantly more resources then our planet could provide sustainably.

Increasing the quantity of consumers will always be detrimental for as long as resources are finite.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#153

Post by yuuu »

prometheus76 wrote: post #70
yuuu wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I really want to become an Orthodox Christian but feel like I would struggle with the whole "believing in God" thing. Should I still try it? Is there any way that I could "come to believe in God" in time?

Orthodoxy definitely takes a different approach than just accepting a proposition. I was a staunch atheist for many years, after having grown up Mormon. I was bitter and felt betrayed as I fell away from Mormonism. Here's what changed for me: I realized that the Christianity I had been a part of was still rooted in the Enlightenment and in empiricism. It tries to prove itself to be legitimate and relevant by trying t…

Thank you for the great response. I am also not a fan of conflating science and religion, so this is a refreshing take. I will take a look into Jonathan Pageau and maybe even visit my local Orthodox church (although I'm very scared)!

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#154

Post by Fire-Dragon-DoL »

Wonnk13 wrote: post #44
version_five wrote: post #3

I'm in my early 40s, I can't really think of anything, maybe because it's too close to realize what mistakes I might have made, and I don't really believe in that kind of retrospection generally. FWIW, if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family (and want to some day), consider doing it in your early 30s (or earlier), there are a lot of things that get tougher as you get older. I don't regret…

welp i'm 33 and single and this hits home so hard. My younger brother is 30 with two under two and he looks like hell most days. I can't imagine 3 hours sleep a night when i'm mid to late 30s. christ.

The 3 hours of sleep is only in the first few months. I have an 11 months and a 3 years old and sleep 8 to 9 hours per night.

The first week of the first kid, we slept 3 hours in total (that is, 3 hours in the whole week)

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#155

Post by deathanatos »

unmole wrote: post #144
deathanatos wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family I'm in my 30s, and this seems to be the trickiest part that people older than me — sorry — seem to want to just pave over. House prices are bananas. Trump, COVID, Russia have erased years of investment gains. Student loans are a constant tax on my finances (that I'm almost free of… …soon…). Wage growth has been stagnant (my career has seen ~4.7% Yo…

> Trump, COVID, Russia have erased years of investment gains. I'm sorry, what asset classes did you invest in? Because Trump and the Covid stimulus were both very beneficial for my investments. Sure, the market has taken a beating of late but it most definitely has not erased years of gains.

Mixed; I have an account with Schwab that — beyond some basic information about my goals, age, investment risk tolerance and the like — mostly manages itself. I'm not even remotely a beginner, let alone an expert, in investments to trust myself to manage it. I figure I'd be even worse off if I tried that. (I do have some stock that is just mine, and it's done some good, and some bad. It's a nice amount, but the problem is not "housing is more expensive" it's housing is another order of magnitude so even "nice" is but a dent.)

That said, it mostly tracks the stock market, just sort of "dampened", since it has a mix of other stuff. The downswings from both Trump general craziness and COVID recovered, eventually (I was certain the downswings for things other than COVID would … COVID, I was less certain about, as this is probably the biggest thing that's ever happened in my life), of course, but it sort of feels to me like a detour where after several months you're like "yay, back to where were were". I'm a SWE, so I'm above the stimulus cutoff. (But that's the thing… well off enough that most things are fine, but … the housing market, practically speaking, wants millionaires, not "people doing decently".) But AFAICT, the cost of a home is keeping pace with gains in the stock market, particularly so if you're not in a sort of undiversified-yolo-all-in on the stock market position, which I've been told is poor form. But that makes investing for a home sort of a losing prospect: it's more just a savings account at that point, with the investment gains limiting the ground being lost. Conversely, AIUI, this is why there is so much speculation in the housing market; if the stock market were outperforming it, people would be speculating on that, instead.

What boggles my mind how anyone not in tech is making do. What I see both from people I know, and in the news, suggests they're really, really struggling.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#156

Post by dpcan »

samspenc wrote: post #114
dpcan wrote: post #43

I wish I had known my wife didn’t love me through my entire 30’s. My 40’s are not what I expected.

Very sorry to hear it didn't work out. Could you share how you got over it? Any other advice / experience that might be helpful for others?

Oh, it’s been a year and a half and I still feel lost, miserable, betrayed, and so on.

My life literally got flipped upside down. I’m definitely not the right person to ask how to get over it.

My attempts mostly include focusing on my children and their lives, a lot of going to the gym (daily), kayaking in the summer, snowboarding through the winter, reading, side projects.

I’m still in the “never going to be in a relationship again” phase. I hear a lot of guys go through that, but it changes supposedly??? We’ll see.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#157

Post by toast0 »

EE84M3i wrote: post #149
rdtwo wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Live in a non recourse state And buy real estate with leverage. heads you win big tails you walk away with fixed losses

Wait, what? There are states where I can buy a million dollar house with a loan, and if I default they can only take the house, not the value of the loan? If someone told me that 10 years ago, I might have made different life choices.

> Wait, what? There are states where I can buy a million dollar house with a loan, and if I default they can only take the house, not the value of the loan?

Yes, and California is one of those states, for purchase-money mortgages on owner occupied properties; and after Jan 1, 2013, also for refinances of purchase-money mortgages on owner occupied properties. Foreclosing the property satisfies the loan, if there's excess from the foreclosure auction, you'll get paid; if there's a deficiency, you'll have taxable income for the amount written off. Word on the street is most California foreclosures go through the non-recourse process (private sale), even for loans that they could sue for deficiency (judicial foreclosure), because the process is quicker and simpler.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#158

Post by x3sphere »

unmole wrote: post #144
deathanatos wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> if you are in a position where you could potentially start a family I'm in my 30s, and this seems to be the trickiest part that people older than me — sorry — seem to want to just pave over. House prices are bananas. Trump, COVID, Russia have erased years of investment gains. Student loans are a constant tax on my finances (that I'm almost free of… …soon…). Wage growth has been stagnant (my career has seen ~4.7% Yo…

> Trump, COVID, Russia have erased years of investment gains. I'm sorry, what asset classes did you invest in? Because Trump and the Covid stimulus were both very beneficial for my investments. Sure, the market has taken a beating of late but it most definitely has not erased years of gains.

A lot of stocks have gone back to 2019-2020 levels. FB being a big one.

If you hold an index fund like VTI though, that's done well. These last few months really highlight the dangers of stock picking, even with big companies.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#159

Post by toast0 »

unmole wrote: post #145
scionthefly wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here's what I would tell my 35 year old self. If you try to get financially better off, in seven years you'll probably be only slightly better off if at all, and you won't have kids. At that point you probably can't. If you have kids at 35, you may very well go bankrupt. It will be off your credit in seven years, and you'll have a seven year old. The second option will be happier (if you want kids).

> in seven years you'll probably be only slightly better off if at all That seems rather pessimistic. You don't expect any career progression or wealth accumulation in seven years?

If you want to be more optimistic... if you're at 35 and don't think you're financially ready for kids, look at the progress and accumulation you've done in the past seven years. If you need to increase the rate of change on those to hit your targets, you've got 17 years of experience as an adult to know if that's realistic or not.

Also, a lot of people get fixated on being fully prepared for kids. Like wanting to be in a 4 bedroom house before you have the first of three kids. That'd be nice, but you've got some time before you really need that space. I'd say if you're late 20s and have a stable living environment and a desire to have children, strongly consider doing it when you're sure, even if your living environment isn't perfect. You've also got some lead time, if you're worried about your kids going to a good (enough) school, that's not something that needs to be taken care of until close to them being school aged (although certainly, it doesn't hurt to let that influence earlier choices).

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#160

Post by kaba0 »

kstenerud wrote: post #81

I wish I had known the truth about romantic relationships. Would have saved me a lot of trouble: - Women are not all the same. Men are not all the same. There is no single approach. What works for your friend won't necessarily work for you, because you're different people and thus after different things. - "pick up lines" and pick-up-artist techniques and all that kind of bullshit are just that: bullshit. At best you…

While I agree fundamentally about not changing yourself for others, but if the change is positive in both of your accounts, try to go for it. E.g. if someone is morbidly obese and their partner wants him to loose weight by getting into the habit of diet/exercise, I really don’t see no evil here.
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