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Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#71

In your 30s, if you are waiting to have kids for various reasons, you really need to stop delaying. Your probability of successfully having kids goes down every year, and by your early 40s your options for medical help if you have infertility stop being available because even those interventions lose effectiveness. If you want kids, just have the kids. You're not going to care that you were being responsible and wait…

Additionally, If you're waiting for the "right time" it'll never happen.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#72
post #26

Get married, have children, buy assets. There's this idea that men don't need to settle down because they can have children at any age, which I guess is technically true but it presupposes that a 30 y/o woman will want to have children with you when you're 45, but they are more inclined to go +5 years, not +15. Also take prescription labels more seriously, like don't take Advil all the time, because you will get an u…

> alcohol and aspirin I think you mean tylenol / acetaminophen (maybe aspirin is bad too?) Even if you can find a younger mate, you'll want to participate in your kid's lives and that's much harder as an old man. If your kids are teenagers and you're in your sixties, I imagine it can be tough; and if they make the same choices as you, living to see grandchildren is unlikely

+1 for having kids at a younger age. My dad was 44 when I was born and he died when I was 16 -- that sucked a lot. I think you should have a fair idea you'll live long enough to see your kid "launched" into the world -- say 25 years old at a minimum. If you won't live that long, don't have kids.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#73

I joined the Orthodox Church in my 40s. I wish I would have known about it when I was younger, especially in my 30s, with my young family. The benefits that come from daily spiritual devotion both individually and a family, as well as the benefits that come from being part of a faithful community are impossible to list. Is it all easy and is it all benefits? Of course not. But centering my life around God through dai…

I could see the benefits of having a spiritual community around you, but, like, how do you convince yourself that supernatural things like gods exist? There's just very little tangible or logical there. Or would it be worth it to participate without really believing? Or you just somehow start believing? Frankly, for me doing that would probably be comparable to asking you to convert to Hinduism or something similar.…

That's the thing, most of these questions have been answered or at least heavily explored. Atheism is relatively new to the philosophical space, so I've found most arguments and thought exploration is based on ancient religions. After all, these same people founded most branches of science and math.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#74
Don't hurt yourself. I lost nearly my entire 30s to spine problems. I couldn't touch my own feet for two years. I had to change careers (luckily, into software, which doesn't require great orthopedic health and has boomed). I'm very lucky my wife is still with me because I was miserable to be around for a long time, constantly in pain and angry and frustrated. I wasn't able to have kids and am trying to adopt now, figuring the risk isn't worth it to go biological since my wife is also in her 40s.

I don't know what actionable advice is really there, but I ignored a lot that I didn't have to and acted invincible when I wasn't. I'm a very athletic person, played sports my whole life, joined the Army. There are a lot of things I could have stopped doing, risks I didn't need to take. I'm lucky as hell that years of surgery and physical therapy and finally listening to doctors eventually brought me much of the way back, but 30s are, or at least should be, peak years. Losing them like that really leaves a hole.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#75

In your 30s, if you are waiting to have kids for various reasons, you really need to stop delaying. Your probability of successfully having kids goes down every year, and by your early 40s your options for medical help if you have infertility stop being available because even those interventions lose effectiveness. If you want kids, just have the kids. You're not going to care that you were being responsible and wait…

Yes, I had no idea "advanced maternal age" was only 35

It's the type of thing only a doctor can say.

I mentioned it off-hand to an ex-girlfriend and was called a sexist (not in an angry/confrontational way, but pretty much dismissed equally off-hand).

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#76

In your 30s, if you are waiting to have kids for various reasons, you really need to stop delaying. Your probability of successfully having kids goes down every year, and by your early 40s your options for medical help if you have infertility stop being available because even those interventions lose effectiveness. If you want kids, just have the kids. You're not going to care that you were being responsible and wait…

Waiting is not bad, most child abuse cases come from people who shouldn't have had kids in the first place. The worst case if you wait is that you'll have to adopt kids, which is arguably way more humane than introducing another hungry soul into the world.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#77
post #33

I joined the Orthodox Church in my 40s. I wish I would have known about it when I was younger, especially in my 30s, with my young family. The benefits that come from daily spiritual devotion both individually and a family, as well as the benefits that come from being part of a faithful community are impossible to list. Is it all easy and is it all benefits? Of course not. But centering my life around God through dai…

Were you religious before you joined the Orthodox Church? What inspired you to join it?

I grew up Mormon, explored Taoism and Buddhism, but never felt "at home". I considered myself an atheist for many years after that, but never really gave up hope that I could find a spiritual path. My family was on the brink of falling apart at one point, and I had started listening to Jordan Peterson's lectures on the Bible. That led me to the work of Jonathan Pageau. Once I started to understand what he was actually talking about (by learning more about the traditional pre-Enlightenment worldview), I thought "what do I have to lose?" and went to a local Orthodox church. I began meeting with the priest, and it's now the foundation for my life, and it's a part of my life every day, and affects every decision I make.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#78
Quit looking over your shoulder at the startup blog posts. Go outside. Take a walk. Call your parents. Learn to cook.

Success will come if you're a decent human being (and most of us truly are). It just may come when it's least expected, and from a completely different direction.

Oh, and 401k compounding works like a champ.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#79
58 here. In my thirties, the first thing I did was blow off my research job and travel with my wife for a six-month trip around the world. If you are not sure that you married the right person, traveling will be a good test!

Of course, I had no money after that trip -- so we lived with my in-laws for six months to save for a house down payment. I would not recommend this!

But what I would recommend is living under your income in your thirties. It would be best if you did that forever, BTW.

And have kids. They take a lot of energy, time, and love.

Finally, invest in your career. Take new roles, try some things. Don't sweat not being the next Zuckerberg. You have three or four more decades to start a company, write your novel, or create the wondrous thing.

Load your backpack full of responsibilities in your thirties -- you are stronger than you think.

Re: Ask HN: What do you wish you had done/known in your 30s?

#80
post #40

I joined the Orthodox Church in my 40s. I wish I would have known about it when I was younger, especially in my 30s, with my young family. The benefits that come from daily spiritual devotion both individually and a family, as well as the benefits that come from being part of a faithful community are impossible to list. Is it all easy and is it all benefits? Of course not. But centering my life around God through dai…

I really want to become an Orthodox Christian but feel like I would struggle with the whole "believing in God" thing. Should I still try it? Is there any way that I could "come to believe in God" in time?

If you have a hard time believing in God, then why limit yourself to just Christianity? Islam is ideal for exploring spiritualism through structure and discipline, Hinduism and Buddhism are great to explore spirituality from a psychological plane. This might offend some but while self-studying these religions, I found Christianity to be quite underwhelming, spiritually. In fact, if it wasn't for the writings of Desmond Tutu, I would have no appreciation of it. The only religion I haven't been exposed to is Judaism, as Jewish community are quite rare in India.
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