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Rejection Therapy (2011)

lincolnquirk.com

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Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#51

Post by dtrent »

at_a_remove wrote: post #46
dtrent wrote: post #40

Asking strangers for things subjects them to anxiety too. Doing it as a form of free therapy is kind of shitty.

You just asked me to consider yet one more thing in the vast machinery of social behavior. I didn't need that! That's also kind of shitty.

You didn't have to read or respond to my comment. If you're suggesting that commenting on an article is equivalent to approaching a stranger in-person with a pretextual request calculated for your own therapeutic benefit... well if that's your suggestion then I suspect phrasing it directly instead of obscuring it with irony makes it perfectly obvious that your position isn't great

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#52

Post by bseidensticker »

at_a_remove wrote: post #46
dtrent wrote: post #40

Asking strangers for things subjects them to anxiety too. Doing it as a form of free therapy is kind of shitty.

You just asked me to consider yet one more thing in the vast machinery of social behavior. I didn't need that! That's also kind of shitty.

That other people have feelings?

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#53

Post by omginternets »

cjlm wrote: post #3

I think about Rejection Therapy [0] a lot. Being impervious to rejection has to be some sort of superpower. [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rejection_Therapy

As with most things, I think it's a balance. A complete desensitization to rejection also implies an inability to regulate your social behavior, which in turn is a great way to get ostracized. The best hard-salesmen are also some of the most insufferable individuals, precisely because they can't take a hint.

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#54

Post by dtrent »

InitialLastName wrote: post #49
dtrent wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It wouldn't pass an IRB. This sort of thing is fundamentally selfish. At best de minimis but you can imagine how annoying public life would get if tacitly recruiting strangers as unpaid therapists was at all common.

Third Place [0] theory would suggest that places where you can meet and interact with (semi-) strangers are critical to building communities. I'd argue that a part of that is the internal self-development function that is served by talking to strangers (effectively 'recruiting strangers as unpaid therapists`). Done well, it is mutual (you are each building social trust by interacting with one another). [0] https://en…

Would it or does it? In fairness, I used to write like this too.

If the theory endorses selfish deceptions then its not worth adherence. If it doesn't endorse them, then it doesn't support the practice in the article, and its not worth discussing here.

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#55

Post by morelisp »

klyrs wrote: post #21
morelisp wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're just not thinking rationally enough.

What does "thinking rationally" mean in this context?

As idlewords once described it, "AI cosplay" - a dumb person's idea of what a smart computer would do.

It's honestly a little heartening that comments on HN don't immediately recognize the movement anymore.

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#56

Post by [deleted] »

daniel-cussen wrote: post #47
cobertos wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I walked by someone with a body cam yesterday who was stopping people to ask them about political beliefs in a abrasive way. People are definitely taking specifically crafted IRL things and using them as fuel in the digital space. Not in a big city either, a smaller satellite city of a bigg midwestern city.

Oh yeah I was getting filmed talking to a book dealer who sold his books on the sidewalk. Nine days ago. Just some asshole staring at us and filming with what looked like a digital photographic photo camera, it was small. I went up to him and asked him what the fuck, he said "oh haha nothing nothing I wasn't filming" while you could see filming on his screen. That's what you get for making billions of video cameras,…

[deleted]

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#57

Post by whatshisface »

omginternets wrote: post #50
whatshisface wrote: post #18

This is a tragedy of the commons scenario that will ultimately lead to people being less friendly. Right now it's assumed that if someone comes up to ask you for something, they have a good reason.

I dunno, I've lived in places where casual interaction is more common, and it can be delightful. A culture of "don't talk to me unless there's a practical issue" is, at the very least, prone to atomization. In fact, I don't think you're quite right about the tacit assumption involved. I rather think it is assumed that if someone asks you something, they it is not for instrumental purposes. If someone is talking to me…

I think we agree if you realize that talking to just talk, and talking to solve a real problem, are both good reasons to talk, while almost anything that involves concealed motivations is not.

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#58

Post by armchairhacker »

cobertos wrote: post #41
philosopher1234 wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This seems insanely far fetched. Why would someone photograph you just for talking to them?

I walked by someone with a body cam yesterday who was stopping people to ask them about political beliefs in a abrasive way. People are definitely taking specifically crafted IRL things and using them as fuel in the digital space. Not in a big city either, a smaller satellite city of a bigg midwestern city.

what a nice character, you should’ve asked them on a date

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#59

Post by olyjohn »

dtrent wrote: post #45
cobertos wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I disagree. I get this exact anxiety, but the anxiety needs to be challenged. The communication is what forms the bedrock of a healthy society that can talk about it's problems and needs and find it's way to the empathy of the decision makers.

maybe but making the decision for someone else of whether, when, and how their anxieties should be challenged is, again, kind of shitty

Are you saying that you should never interact with strangers because you might make them anxious?

There's probably tons of things that can make people anxious. I'm not going to lock myself in the house to avoid making others anxious.

As a socially anxious person myself, I would love for someone to start the conversation with me.

Re: Rejection Therapy (2011)

#60

Post by earthscienceman »

dtrent wrote: post #39

Asking people for things subjects them to anxiety too. Doing it as a form of free therapy is kind of shitty.

I understand why you say this, I upmodded you for the sake of a discussion, and it seems that society is trending towards "interact with people as little as possible". However, it's not like asking someone for something in public is imposing on their autonomy or forcing them into doing something they don't want to. You can say no. If no is too much, you can just walk away. You live in a society with implicit agreements on interactions in public spaces. If that gives you anxiety, maybe you should also try some therapy, free form or otherwise.
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