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Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

dontasktoask.com

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Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#261

Post by sgc »

commandlinefan wrote: post #188
throwaway5752 wrote: post #149

Either one is fine. I wish that people messaging me "hello" and their inquiry together vs separately were one of my top 500 problems.

I've been fascinated by just how passionately enraged the people who do have a problem with this seem to be whenever it comes up on here. I've stopped doing it out of deference to them (it literally never occurred to me that it could possibly bother anybody), but there are people who seem to go into monitor-smashing rages when it happens.

I hope they add value instead of just saying hello when they see people irl. Because turning don't say hi into a crusade is sure wasting more of my time than just accepting an awkward hi from time to time. I passionately hate the syntactical police! I thought tolerance of peoples' differences was supposed to be all the rage these days.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#262

Post by Tagbert »

I find this particularly frustrating when the person saying “Hello” is in a different time zone. I regularly work with people who are offset by several hours and we have little to no work time overlap. That may mean that it takes 24 hours to get to the next step in the conversation.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#263

Post by chousuke »

commandlinefan wrote: post #173
Aaargh20318 wrote: post #128

I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite. The ‘hello’ is basically the start of what is the human equivalent of the TCP three way handshake. - Hello (SYN) > Hi (ACK) - How are you doing ? (SYN, ACK) Basically, they are trying to set up a synchronous channel over what is essentially an asynchronous medium. This is even more annoying than just slowing down the answer, they are demanding your undivide…

> I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite Actually, yes, we really are (were). I don't have a problem with it, but the people who do have a problem with it seem to have a problem with it with the intense burning passion of a thousand suns so I've stopped doing it, but don't attribute malice to people who were just trying to follow social conventions.

I wonder why people think it's polite, because I consider is the exact opposite of polite to distract someone with something that may not lead anywhere.

It might be just my ADHD talking, but getting interrupted by a "Hi" can be seriously disruptive because my brain wants to respond to it, but I then have to wait for the other person, and they might not respond immediately, and by then I've already lost focus on whatever I was doing which is immensely frustrating.

If instead I'm prompted with a "Hi, can you chat about X?" I can immediately respond in a way that satisfies my brain without losing focus on my ongoing activity.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#264

Post by rrauenza »

I'm guilty of the occasional "ping" -- but often its after what I think are their normal hours (whatever that is anymore!) and its someone I've interacted with before. I don't necessarily ask the question immediately because I don't want to make them feel like they have to answer it if they're not actually working. Often it's a question that will only save me ~15 mins of time. Or there is someone else I can ask if they're not immediately available.

I personally find the anonymous "Hi $name" really annoying and it often comes on slack from a random IT person from a support ticket I've filed. Why they can't start with, "Hi $name, I'm following up on ticket XYZ. ..."

But I don't find 'ping' annoying. Weird.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#266

Post by [deleted] »

commandlinefan wrote: post #188
throwaway5752 wrote: post #149

Either one is fine. I wish that people messaging me "hello" and their inquiry together vs separately were one of my top 500 problems.

I've been fascinated by just how passionately enraged the people who do have a problem with this seem to be whenever it comes up on here. I've stopped doing it out of deference to them (it literally never occurred to me that it could possibly bother anybody), but there are people who seem to go into monitor-smashing rages when it happens.

[deleted]

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#267

Post by rplnt »

I've just learned to ignore those messages. It might not be nice, but if a stranger (although colleague) just says hi, what am I supposed to answer? Just say what you want. Saves time of both of us.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#269

Post by sneak »

VBprogrammer wrote: post #190
IceMetalPunk wrote: post #122

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

Slightly more annoying is someone who you do not know giving you a "Hey, how are you doing?". Try, "Hey Bob, this is Alice, I work on the QA team in Dublin. I'm looking at an issue I think you might be able to help me with http://jira.yourcorp.org/browse/ORDERS-1234 . Would you have a minute to discuss this?"

That also isn't a good opener. Discuss what specifically about it? It's still waiting for a contentless "yes"/"sure".

Just begin the discussion.

I think a lot of people do this because they are bad/slow at typing and don't want to bother leveling up.

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