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Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

dontasktoask.com

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Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#241

Post by popularonion »

commandlinefan wrote: post #188
throwaway5752 wrote: post #149

Either one is fine. I wish that people messaging me "hello" and their inquiry together vs separately were one of my top 500 problems.

I've been fascinated by just how passionately enraged the people who do have a problem with this seem to be whenever it comes up on here. I've stopped doing it out of deference to them (it literally never occurred to me that it could possibly bother anybody), but there are people who seem to go into monitor-smashing rages when it happens.

Plenty of normal people have a pet peeve about getting texted out of the blue with just “wyd” or “U there?”

That would be the normie equivalent of sending a “hello” on Slack or Teams.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#242

Post by Pooge »

cyberpunk wrote: post #171
IceMetalPunk wrote: post #122

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

... I think maybe you need to rethink or work on that one. Do you just run up to people and ask them a question in person, or do some kind of greeting first? I don't think it's a bad thing that people share some mannerisms in IM that they do in person. Are you really stressed out? Either way, looking at the world at the moment, what a great thing to have as a huge problem.

> Do you just run up to people and ask them a question in person, or do some kind of greeting first?

The problem is not whether you're greeting or not. Nobody complained about having a greeting in their messages. The problem is that chats are very asynchronous; by the time I read your message you could've solved it already. There is absolutely nothing wrong in writing "Hey, I need help with . I already tried and . If you have a few moments I'd appreciate the help". Then the answer would be "Hello! Oh, of course, the answer is ".

This is especially important if you're getting a lot of messages every day. At the end of the day, that amounts to a non-negligible amount of time lost, just because the person didn't write their problem right after their greeting - which they would've done anyway after your greeting.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#243

Post by laurent92 »

Pooge wrote: post #158
IceMetalPunk wrote: post #122

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

Bonus points if the greeting is included in the same message as the inquiry, so as to not be notified multiple times for the same thing.

Isn’t it a bug of the chat app, notifying someone for each message despite having a UX which incentivizes sending a message each time you type Enter?

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#244

Post by notyourwork »

Aaargh20318 wrote: post #128

I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite. The ‘hello’ is basically the start of what is the human equivalent of the TCP three way handshake. - Hello (SYN) > Hi (ACK) - How are you doing ? (SYN, ACK) Basically, they are trying to set up a synchronous channel over what is essentially an asynchronous medium. This is even more annoying than just slowing down the answer, they are demanding your undivide…

I look at IM as closer to oral conversation than email. If you want async communication, email. If you want async communication from someone who wants synchronous communication disable notifications and reply later. I don't see why people have to expect all people to communicate in the same cold, unfriendly way.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#245

Post by shikoba »

commandlinefan wrote: post #173
Aaargh20318 wrote: post #128

I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite. The ‘hello’ is basically the start of what is the human equivalent of the TCP three way handshake. - Hello (SYN) > Hi (ACK) - How are you doing ? (SYN, ACK) Basically, they are trying to set up a synchronous channel over what is essentially an asynchronous medium. This is even more annoying than just slowing down the answer, they are demanding your undivide…

> I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite Actually, yes, we really are (were). I don't have a problem with it, but the people who do have a problem with it seem to have a problem with it with the intense burning passion of a thousand suns so I've stopped doing it, but don't attribute malice to people who were just trying to follow social conventions.

Hi :) Thank you for that laugh. That's so true.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#246

Post by pjerem »

I do exactly follow the no-hello "rules" but I frankly don’t care about how my colleagues reach me. We are humans, they can just say hello. I’ll answer or not depending on my availability but even if I answer and they don’t follow up, it will not ruin my day.

If I don’t want to be disturbed, I just switch the notifications off. Magic, no more hellos.

I really don’t understand why it bother people so much. And I’m saying this having strong ADHD and applying no-hello myself. There are so much more important reasons to be upset in life and at work.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#247

Post by Johnny555 »

endisneigh wrote: post #148

seems kind of dumb - the author is presupposing what the intent was. Not to mention that it's important to have the other person actually acknowledge a conversation is happening. how about: A: Hi! B: What's up...? A: Nothing just wanted to say hi! B: Oh, haha. How's it going? A: I was just realizing we haven't spoke in forever. Where are you these days? ===================================================== Let's say…

What's the difference between:

  Hi!
  >
and

  Hi! We haven't spoken in forever, what's up?
  >
What would you do different in the first case that you wouldn't do in the second case?

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#248

Post by gtirloni »

delecti wrote: post #232

I use this link often. I'll respond to a "hi" with "hey, what's up", and turn the text into a link to this site, like [hey, what's up?]( https://nohello.net/en/ ) (I know markup links don't work here, but that's even better as an example). I've "trained" most people who do this to just keep going and ask their questions, rather than waiting for me to respond. Though unfortunately they mostly still break that up into…

It works but probably comes out as rude in a lot of cultures.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#249

Post by closeparen »

nickysielicki wrote: post #157

Dude, chill out, they’re literally just saying hi. Not every communication in the workplace has to get right down to brass tacks.

Walking up to say "hi" and have a casual chat with someone who's deep in focus work at the office is just as unreasonable. You don't know whether people are "available" on Slack because they're open to a casual chat (as at the water cooler) or because they want to be not totally unavailable should something urgent come up (like being at their desk). Since you don't know, it behooves you to treat it as the latter.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#250

Post by IceMetalPunk »

cyberpunk wrote: post #171
IceMetalPunk wrote: post #122

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

... I think maybe you need to rethink or work on that one. Do you just run up to people and ask them a question in person, or do some kind of greeting first? I don't think it's a bad thing that people share some mannerisms in IM that they do in person. Are you really stressed out? Either way, looking at the world at the moment, what a great thing to have as a huge problem.

What Pooge said. Chats are more realtime than, say, emails, but they are not as realtime as face-to-face communication, and should not be treated as such. Saying hello is great! Saying only hello and giving no other information is not.
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