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Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

dontasktoask.com

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Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#171

Post by cyberpunk »

IceMetalPunk wrote: post #122

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

... I think maybe you need to rethink or work on that one.

Do you just run up to people and ask them a question in person, or do some kind of greeting first?

I don't think it's a bad thing that people share some mannerisms in IM that they do in person. Are you really stressed out? Either way, looking at the world at the moment, what a great thing to have as a huge problem.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#172

Post by fouronnes3 »

Aaargh20318 wrote: post #128

I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite. The ‘hello’ is basically the start of what is the human equivalent of the TCP three way handshake. - Hello (SYN) > Hi (ACK) - How are you doing ? (SYN, ACK) Basically, they are trying to set up a synchronous channel over what is essentially an asynchronous medium. This is even more annoying than just slowing down the answer, they are demanding your undivide…

You know you are on HN when hello/hi is explained in terms of SYN/ACK and not the other way around... Jokes aside this is actually called a "phatic expression" in linguistics:

> In linguistics, a phatic expression is communication which serves to establish or maintain social relationships rather than to impart information. Phatic expressions are a socio-pragmatic function and are used in everyday conversational exchange typically expressed in situational instances that call for social cues [1]

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#173

Post by commandlinefan »

Aaargh20318 wrote: post #128

I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite. The ‘hello’ is basically the start of what is the human equivalent of the TCP three way handshake. - Hello (SYN) > Hi (ACK) - How are you doing ? (SYN, ACK) Basically, they are trying to set up a synchronous channel over what is essentially an asynchronous medium. This is even more annoying than just slowing down the answer, they are demanding your undivide…

> I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite

Actually, yes, we really are (were). I don't have a problem with it, but the people who do have a problem with it seem to have a problem with it with the intense burning passion of a thousand suns so I've stopped doing it, but don't attribute malice to people who were just trying to follow social conventions.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#174

Post by aix1 »

totony wrote: post #169
aix1 wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are your thoughts on individuals publishing READMEs on how best to interact with them? Similar sort of thing or sufficiently different?

I have no seen that yet. Is that prevalent somewhere? Seems like a lot of effort to talk to someone as sibling says.

This sort of thing: https://polyfecta.com/personal-readme/

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#176

Post by bilater »

I find this super annoying in the context of getting help via chat from the support staff. They always say hi and then wait for you to reply (all this could take minutes sometimes cause they're handling multiple tickets at the same time and won't respond right away). Could just ask 'hi - what seems to be the issue?'

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#177

Post by cyberpunk »

Lio wrote: post #164
Aaargh20318 wrote: post #128

I don’t think people do this because they want to be polite. The ‘hello’ is basically the start of what is the human equivalent of the TCP three way handshake. - Hello (SYN) > Hi (ACK) - How are you doing ? (SYN, ACK) Basically, they are trying to set up a synchronous channel over what is essentially an asynchronous medium. This is even more annoying than just slowing down the answer, they are demanding your undivide…

The worst thing though is when the SYN,ACK has 10 minutes of latency on it and the receiving end is blocked waiting for it. It's a bit like going up to someone in the office and saying "Hi", they reply "What's up" and then the first person just stares at you... Somehow I always fall for it when really I should just go off and make a cup of tea.

My favourite is just mashing keys for a few minutes, then deleting it all and writing 'hey' or just turning my phone off ;)

It's a good way to encourage patience with your audience...

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#178

Post by IceMetalPunk »

_jal wrote: post #136

It is just part of a human-centric session initiation protocol. A major reason people do it is to query presence-at-keyboard before continuing. Maybe the matter is time sensitive, maybe they don't want to disclose something immediately without setting context, finding something out first, whatever.

"A major reason people do it is to query presence-at-keyboard before continuing." That's what in-app statuses are for: so they don't have to wait for an answer to that, they can just look.

"Maybe the matter is time sensitive." Asking whether I'm there and waiting for a response before continuing takes longer. If it's time-sensitive, they can just ask what they need in the first message, and then move on if I don't reply within a decent enough timeframe.

"Maybe they don't want to disclose something immediately without setting context, finding something out first, whatever." Context? "Hello" is not context for anything other than the existence of the person, which I hope I'm capable of inferring on my own. Similarly. what could they possibly find out from "hello"?

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#179

Post by spergactual »

mig39 wrote: post #54

This reminds me a lot about when people ask "Hey, are you doing anything Saturday afternoon?" Which is trap. Because if you say "no" then you don't have a polite excuse to decline to help someone move houses, troubleshoot a fiber install, or go for a hike. The polite way to ask is "hey, can you help me move on Saturday? I have a truck and 3 others already."

> Which is trap.

This is a completely normal day-to-day conversation topic I have with my buddies via text.

> Friend: What're you getting into tomorrow?

> Me: Not much man, doing some chores around the house. Got a pork butt I need to butcher. Typical Saturday.

> Me: What about you?

At which point my friend will either directly ask or otherwise mention that he is moving. At this point I may volunteer all, some, or none of my time depending on what life has.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#180

Post by mmaunder »

This comes up from time to time on HN. Humans aren't machines. As self-important and busy as you think you are, why not take a beat and respond with 'Hey' and ask them how they are.

Humans are more than just social creatures - we actually NEED social interaction to stay healthy. Remote work is hard enough. Being alone in a room for days is hard enough. Don't be afraid to remove the stick from your behind and add a little social padding to your conversations. It's good for you, and it's good for the person this site is telling you to get cranky at.

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