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Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

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Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#191

Post by cyberpunk »

dfboyd wrote: post #166

46 points by dfboyd on Jan 23, 2021 | parent | context | prev | next [–] | on: Please don't say just hello in chat (2013) I am the original author of the document this document was based on. It was an internal Wiki page at Google written when I was an SRE. After I wrote the original page, someone put up an internal shortlink at "go/nohello". After I left Google, someone took the Wiki page content and [illegally, sinc…

Yeah, kinda makes sense a SRE at google would get annoyed at people even saying hi.

Did you manage to fix your stress levels or are you now bouncing around working massively hardcore jobs and burning out once a year, then taking a few months off and repeating?

I took a pay cut, got out of that game. And holy shit, life is more relaxed doing security incident response than SRE ;)

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#192

Post by MattGaiser »

dylan604 wrote: post #165
IceMetalPunk wrote: post #122

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

Just because the chat app shows that you are logged in, it does not mean that you are immediately available to chat. If I want to leave a message for someone with a response accepted at their convenience, then I send an email. If I reach out via chat, it's because I expect a realtime exchange. Again, because the little green dot appears next to user's name does not mean they are not deep in the tall grass and readily…

> "got a sec?"

The problem is that the answer to this is heavily dependent on what it is, especially because "got a sec" doesn't meaningfully time box the activity. I need something more to know whether this is something I can engage in immediately.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#193

Post by TheDudeMan »

dylan604 wrote: post #165
IceMetalPunk wrote: post #122

Yes, this, 100%. I find it very annoying to get a notification popping up on my screen for you to say "hi" when obviously you want to ask me for something...and then you don't ask or say anything else until I stop what I'm doing and say "Hi! What's up?" back to you. After another 5-10 minutes of waiting for you to see me ask "what's up?" and then type out what is up, which we all knew you were going to end up doing a…

Just because the chat app shows that you are logged in, it does not mean that you are immediately available to chat. If I want to leave a message for someone with a response accepted at their convenience, then I send an email. If I reach out via chat, it's because I expect a realtime exchange. Again, because the little green dot appears next to user's name does not mean they are not deep in the tall grass and readily…

You are wrong.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#195

Post by luizfzs »

Pxtl wrote: post #140

Usually the implication of "hello" is "hello, is now a good time, I got a complex issue that's in your area of expertise?"... Which, I mean, is what I actually type out when I need to bug somebody.

I usually go for: I'm trying to do X but I'm facing issue Y. I tried Z and W but to no help. Could you give me a hand when you have some minutes?

It shortens the conversation and if the person doesn't know how to solve, they can point to someone else right away.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#196

Post by aerovistae »

Has anyone else noticed a serious escalation in references to this phenomenon the past couple weeks? I've seen highly upvoted posts on it both here and on reddit all of a sudden and am just curious where the momentum is coming from so abruptly.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#197

Post by robbrown451 »

allknowingfrog wrote: post #170
robbrown451 wrote: post #146

I often will say "you there?" or "you busy?" This means I don't have a single question, it means I want to have a synchronous conversation. There are lots of reasons for the latter. This is what I would prefer people do with me as well, and if I am busy, I feel like I can ignore the message until I have a few minutes to talk (often with voice/phone) I say this as someone working from home, thousands of miles from mos…

This still seems like an example where you could directly state your request and avoid some unnecessary ceremony. When I want to have a synchronous conversation, I don't send "you there?", I send "Could you call me when you have a minute? I want to chat about ."

Yeah, it depends on who I am talking to. If it is someone I am fairly friendly with, or family, I'm less likely to do that. If there is a single topic that is why I am reaching out, sure.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#198

Post by BiteCode_dev »

Technically, yes. But this is forgetting how much of this is related to social contracts.

It's not necessarly:

> I have a question about Java but I'm too lazy to actually formalize it in words unless there's someone on the channel who might be able to answer it

But it could be:

"I have a question about Java, but nobody knows me around here, so instead of flooding the chan with a wall of text, interrupting the flaw of all the discussions around, I'm doing to introduce my interruption progressively"

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#199

Post by Lio »

robbrown451 wrote: post #146

I often will say "you there?" or "you busy?" This means I don't have a single question, it means I want to have a synchronous conversation. There are lots of reasons for the latter. This is what I would prefer people do with me as well, and if I am busy, I feel like I can ignore the message until I have a few minutes to talk (often with voice/phone) I say this as someone working from home, thousands of miles from mos…

That would be fine but you could give some context with that initial approach so that the other person can decide if they can stop or not.

i.e. "Are you busy? Could you help me with blah blah"

If you're getting bombarded with "you there?" from 20 people because some service they use has gone and right now you're trying to fix it for them all, well that can be stressful too.

If you just "Hi." with nothing else they might never know to get back to you on a completely different issue.

Re: Don't ask to ask, just ask (2019)

#200

Post by lwhi »

robbrown451 wrote: post #146

I often will say "you there?" or "you busy?" This means I don't have a single question, it means I want to have a synchronous conversation. There are lots of reasons for the latter. This is what I would prefer people do with me as well, and if I am busy, I feel like I can ignore the message until I have a few minutes to talk (often with voice/phone) I say this as someone working from home, thousands of miles from mos…

And some people will think you're rude as a result.
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