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Venting doesn’t work

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Re: Venting doesn’t work

#131

Post by mikepurvis »

peteradio wrote: post #130
mikepurvis wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like it's different when it's a scheduled, planned release, rather than losing control in the moment. Like, my overall emotional regulation is way better on the weeks when I've been more active, with cycling, lane swimming, taking walks, etc. And I'm certainly not doing those things "in anger", but it's still absolutely a kind of release. Of course, the article is mostly talking about venting as a scheduled, p…

Have you had what you would consider an extreme event which didn't ripple beyond a need to maintain regular exercise? One time I was upset because my now wife decided to spend time with friends instead of with me on the last day before I drove off to grad school across the country. I rode my bike around a large lake (not something I would normally do). Is that somehow doing it wrong? It seems like the whole issue is…

I have been going through some significant personal issues over the past year, and finding productive outlets for processing those feelings/emotions/etc was indeed the genesis for getting more serious about a fitness routine.

But now that I'm there, it's clear that this really is a helpful long-term pattern to follow for mental well-being, quite apart from being now in my mid-30s and needing to actually be intentional about staying in shape.

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#132

Post by JAlexoid »

peteradio wrote: post #123
JAlexoid wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's mischaracterization of catharsis. As for releasing intense emotional strain - you're more likely to lash out. Have you tried not punching the wall and have a time out instead? Because people who "punch the wall" are, according to multiple studies, more likely to lash out and be abusive.

> That's mischaracterization of catharsis. Please explain? Pain is both processed physically and psychologically in my experience. Is the suggestion that if I feel pain psychologically I'm abnormal? Catharsis is a name given to a human action as old as time. > Because people who "punch the wall" are, according to multiple studies, more likely to lash out and be abusive. I would be curious to see the studies, perhaps…

Yelling at the time of physical pain is plain reaction, it's not catharsis... specially not in this context. It's not a violent release of pent up emotions.

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#133

Post by digisign »

bob1029 wrote: post #88
motohagiography wrote: post #54

Can't help but think the term "toxic," discredits the whole thing as a vehicle for something else. Aggression is natural and universal, but the tools for expressing and self-regulating it are not. One description of it that resonated personally for me was Robert Sapolsky's "depression is aggression turned inward," and while the phrase doesn't do the whole idea justice, it's more useful than hollow and seductive clich…

> Yes, some people will think you are an asshole, but the little bit of friction and occasional loss of a connection does not compare to relief and peace of just not caring what they think I have found deep joy in un-filtering myself. Not worrying about every syllable that comes out of my mouth for fear of retaliation, cancellation, et. al. My social circle had to shrink a bit, but the trade-off is that I am no longe…

> I stopped forcing myself to believe in ridiculous pop-culture/tech bullshit

Curious what this means?

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#134

Post by yunohn »

J5892 wrote: post #122
dudul wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How did you make sure that no one would complain that "Bob was an idiot who kept breaking the build", or "Alice never does her code reviews and blocks everyone"?

Best approach: Don't hire people like that. Good approach: Specify that complaints be non-specific to a person on the team.

> Specify that complaints be non-specific to a person on the team.

Very often, it is the case that a specific person /is/ the problem.

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#135

Post by cplusplusfellow »

digisign wrote: post #133
bob1029 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Yes, some people will think you are an asshole, but the little bit of friction and occasional loss of a connection does not compare to relief and peace of just not caring what they think I have found deep joy in un-filtering myself. Not worrying about every syllable that comes out of my mouth for fear of retaliation, cancellation, et. al. My social circle had to shrink a bit, but the trade-off is that I am no longe…

> I stopped forcing myself to believe in ridiculous pop-culture/tech bullshit Curious what this means?

OP probably doesn’t want to answer this question for the exact reason he posted his comment. Your inquiry may be in good faith but it is 99% of how the cancel warfare begins: “Here let me ask a really introspective question to see exactly how badly I’m going to throw my code words at you in my response.”

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#136

Post by agumonkey »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #109

From my purely anecdotal experience with mentoring younger people, I've seen two main categories of venting: 1) Venting about frustrations by talking them through with someone who will listen. This forces people to put their frustrations into words and elucidate the narrative as they put it into words. This can not only help people identify their feelings and work through them, but it also forces people to decide wha…

I don't want to overstretch my already thin stance, but I think a lot of social groups are built on this. Finding peers that respond to your experience.

I noticed something about web convos, they're often transient blips. You vent, get validated, come back a month later, vent again. It's very shallow.

Lastly, I wonder how much of youth venting is due to having too much time on their hands. Imagining a society where people just have more things to do (but also integrated faster and smoother in the work force) ... I'd bet 10$ that people would vent less. It's not a cheap jab at young people, I had to learn that myself too.

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#137

Post by digisign »

cplusplusfellow wrote: post #135
digisign wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I stopped forcing myself to believe in ridiculous pop-culture/tech bullshit Curious what this means?

OP probably doesn’t want to answer this question for the exact reason he posted his comment. Your inquiry may be in good faith but it is 99% of how the cancel warfare begins: “Here let me ask a really introspective question to see exactly how badly I’m going to throw my code words at you in my response.”

Perhaps, but unfortunately there is not enough information to get even a toehold on an idea. Do people really go online to present a fake persona? Most embellish, and I bet some do, but does anyone else care enough to pay attention? For most folks I'd say no.

If GP said, "politics" then I'd get the drift.

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#138

Post by MrYellowP »

Venting does work, but there's differences in how you do it. Mindlessly ranting about bullshit doesn't help. Mindfulness is the key. Feelings want to get out. Keeping them inside doesn't do any good.

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#139

Post by bob1029 »

digisign wrote: post #137
cplusplusfellow wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

OP probably doesn’t want to answer this question for the exact reason he posted his comment. Your inquiry may be in good faith but it is 99% of how the cancel warfare begins: “Here let me ask a really introspective question to see exactly how badly I’m going to throw my code words at you in my response.”

Perhaps, but unfortunately there is not enough information to get even a toehold on an idea. Do people really go online to present a fake persona? Most embellish, and I bet some do, but does anyone else care enough to pay attention? For most folks I'd say no. If GP said, "politics" then I'd get the drift.

> Perhaps, but unfortunately there is not enough information to get even a toehold on an idea.

Imagine some position you personally find to be controversial/wrong/stupid but that everyone else around you agrees with (or vice versa).

In my view, understanding what my position is on some arbitrary matter does not further this conversation in any meaningful way.

Re: Venting doesn’t work

#140

Post by dvtrn »

PaulHoule wrote: post #117
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #109

From my purely anecdotal experience with mentoring younger people, I've seen two main categories of venting: 1) Venting about frustrations by talking them through with someone who will listen. This forces people to put their frustrations into words and elucidate the narrative as they put it into words. This can not only help people identify their feelings and work through them, but it also forces people to decide wha…

Is this http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/why-estrange... and example of type (2)?

Sheesh I was not ready to read that, nor get as hooked in as I did. Some of those bullet-points are things I've witnessed first hand in an 'IRL' parenting group from some now ex-members.
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