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Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

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Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#221

Post by tomrod »

GordonS wrote: post #193
tomrod wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Parent here, with teenagers. I wouldn't say it's impossible to understand. Imagine having a dog or other pet that you love ridiculously. Then one day the pet starts talking, reading, doing math homework instead of chewing your shoes as often. It's a wild ride.

Before becoming a parent we had a much-loved cat, but, for me at least, the experience isn't remotely comparable. A talking cat sounds cool though :)

I agree it's a hard comparison, but in my mind it's a difference of degree rather than class. Familial love is an awesome thing. It's lack in a person's life, when desired, can be heart breaking.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#222

Post by tcbasche »

dustintrex wrote: post #117

Psst: co-sleeping won't stop babies from crying, but it makes it way easier for everybody involved to get back to sleep much faster.

Yikes. Please don’t co-sleep. Sure, you might get to sleep but one of you may not make it through the night.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#223

Post by notch656a »

ars wrote: post #89
atul_wired wrote: post #78

We learned the hard way that baby could be colic (with increased crying during evening hours) due to intolerance to cow’s milk/soy (via mother’s milk). It took us couple of months to get there (first stopped milk products and subsequently soy) and I wish we had known earlier. I’ve been meaning to write a blog post with the hope to help someone run through these possible causes as part of diagnosing the colic crying e…

Colic is really bad, it hurts the baby quite a bit, so they'll cry non-stop, which makes the adults crazy. If you have such a baby, it helps to remember how badly it's hurting them. Have you ever had really bad heartburn? Now imagine that for hours on end, with no ability to do anything about it.

It hurts everyone really bad.

The child is screaming 12-16 hours a day, for in our case 9 months on end. It nearly resulted in divorce of a couple that had been through a lot with strength. It's hard on the child but it's also genuine torture to scream at someone 12-16 hours a day from the bottom of your lungs, in fact I'd call it domestic violence to torture others in this manner. Unless you've experienced this for 6+ months at a time, nothing but insane screaming every waking hour of the worst possible character (a child that sounds like they're dying it is so loud and painful), it's hard to convey the deep desire to just give up and leave the country or something. It's not he days that are hard but MONTHS of unending insane and constant screaming. Being tortured is not something that you can just get over just because the torturer is also feeling bad.

Yes we had doctors check it out. No there is no known exact cure for colic, we tried everything in the book (changing milks, diets, motion, burping, everything). Some forms of colic are simply incurable by any means. Our child was born RIGHT after covid broke out, so everyone (including medical workers) were scared shitless to be around us, there were no offers of relief from family or anyone. Pure hell.

On plus side, it magically went away when she was almost one.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#224

Post by ghostpepper »

jordanpg wrote: post #45
ghostpepper wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can be both simultaneously true that breast milk is better than formula, but that formula is also fine. This is obviously traumatic to hear if you are a woman who cannot breastfeed, but that doesn't make it less true.

My point is that folks should consider their tone and words carefully on this topic. There are a great many women out there who would like to be breastfeeding, but can't, for various reasons. And the amount of guilt and shame experienced by many in this group, because of the glib culture surrounding breastfeeding, is doing severe and lasting damage to many parents' mental health. While not optimal, formula is a healt…

I agree with all of this. Luckily I have observed that there is a growing pushback against "breast is best" militarism and shaming of mothers who cannot (solely) breastfeed. The new slogan I have heard is "fed is best".

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#226

Post by ericb »

sokoloff wrote: post #207
boffinism wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

(Context: Am dad. Love kids. Find parenting super tough. No regrets.) How's this for a rule of thumb: if you can be happy without having kids, don't have kids. They're very hard work, expensive, and often bad for your mental health. But, if like a lot of people you know you will always be sad if you don't have kids, have as few as you need to scratch the itch.

I might go the other way: if you can’t be happy without kids, maybe don’t have them. I love my kids, but they’re not some magical antidote to sadness or malaise and trying to raise them while you have underlying issues of your own is likely to be brutal. (Naturally, if you’re “happy except want kids”, this doesn’t apply.) I’m glad I took the time to find out what I wanted to be before that was just “a good dad”. I fe…

> they’re not some magical antidote to sadness or malaise

Very True. Although, for loneliness, they might be close for a while.

I really feel for folks who were trapped at home alone during the pandemic without kids or family. Especially extroverts. Oof.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#227

Post by anonu »

gameshot911 wrote: post #103

Of kids I've always thought "maybe one day". I can see how it'd be a tough, but extremely rewarding and meaningful endeavor. But reading this article made me think for the first time "actually, I think I don't want kids." So many "mental CPU cycles" spent learning about pregnancy, babies, why they cry, how to care for them. It just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time…

HN people are overachievers... So invariably your approach to child rearing is going to be reading a lot and being informed. It's helpful to do so to know what's coming. But in reality you don't need to. A lot of learning will be on the job.

Yes, your free time disappears completely. But there is an upside. Watching a human being grow and learn is fascinating. Plus that human is a part of you in a sense. That is also beautiful and hard to describe in words.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#228

Post by cocothem »

gameshot911 wrote: post #103

Of kids I've always thought "maybe one day". I can see how it'd be a tough, but extremely rewarding and meaningful endeavor. But reading this article made me think for the first time "actually, I think I don't want kids." So many "mental CPU cycles" spent learning about pregnancy, babies, why they cry, how to care for them. It just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time…

People change and you may evolve your views. I know I have, esp when facing my own mortality. Turning back the time not possible, which makes such decisions very consequential.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#229

Post by scgtrp »

seniorivn wrote: post #164
gameshot911 wrote: post #103

Of kids I've always thought "maybe one day". I can see how it'd be a tough, but extremely rewarding and meaningful endeavor. But reading this article made me think for the first time "actually, I think I don't want kids." So many "mental CPU cycles" spent learning about pregnancy, babies, why they cry, how to care for them. It just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time…

Don't forget that children are a natural investment, you raise a big family and it will take care of you in the long run

Ugh. No.

Don't have children with the expectation that they'll take care of you. You don't get to decide other people's life goals for them.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#230

Post by hipshaker »

gameshot911 wrote: post #103

Of kids I've always thought "maybe one day". I can see how it'd be a tough, but extremely rewarding and meaningful endeavor. But reading this article made me think for the first time "actually, I think I don't want kids." So many "mental CPU cycles" spent learning about pregnancy, babies, why they cry, how to care for them. It just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time…

Concieved first kid at 43. Kid is now 14 months and I am 44. Sometimes I do feel I should’ve shaved off a year or two, just because of general energy level and wanting to have a long life with my child. With that said, I am also glad I waited. Besides above, it’s the right time in my life for me. I actually never thought it would happen, but as I got older A feeling slowly crept up on me. Dying without leaving anything important behind. What is life, if not to pass it on. You may be weird. That’s ok. Live that life. You may not be weird. Ok too. But you will become weirder by choosing not to have children. Don’t take my word for it. The people you know over 40-45, are there more with than without children? Those without, do they seem a bit off the beaten path? Not implying they can’t be happy, I’m not correlating. Having a kid is hard. Stupid hard. Lot’s of responsibility and you can wave bye-bye to oh so many things you are used to. But by some magic, even after hours of crying, being fussy and the biggest pain in the ass, a little laugh and a 5 second smile can erase all the days hardships. This is HN, so lots of logic, rationality and reasoning. But with i child, magic does exist. Leave the world alone as you entered it, and everything you accumulated through life will be lost… like tears in rain.
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