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Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

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Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#121

Post by boffinism »

gameshot911 wrote: post #103

Of kids I've always thought "maybe one day". I can see how it'd be a tough, but extremely rewarding and meaningful endeavor. But reading this article made me think for the first time "actually, I think I don't want kids." So many "mental CPU cycles" spent learning about pregnancy, babies, why they cry, how to care for them. It just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time…

(Context: Am dad. Love kids. Find parenting super tough. No regrets.)

How's this for a rule of thumb: if you can be happy without having kids, don't have kids. They're very hard work, expensive, and often bad for your mental health. But, if like a lot of people you know you will always be sad if you don't have kids, have as few as you need to scratch the itch.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#122

Post by EdwardDiego »

indemnity wrote: post #119
ido wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I always find it funny when someone who has themselves only been a parent for 3 months feels they can now dispense sage advice. Sorta like someone going through bootcamp giving advice about programming.

We thought we were terrible no good parents with our first child, who is a little bit more on the sensitive and emotional side, with quite a bit of anxiety also. None of the advice from anyone worked, friends, family, parents, siblings, internet. Still not the easiest child at 5, but easier. Second child arrived, mentally prepared for the same challenges… and what a textbook kid, three years on. Super chill, knocked…

> I don’t give anyone any advice now other than … it can be hard, love your child, and spend a lot of time with them.

That's probably the only generally applicable parenting advice. Glad you got an easy one second time around :)

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#123

Post by pwdisswordfish9 »

asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #2

Great if it works for you, but for those who are dealing with babies, I wouldn't beat myself up if this advice doesn't apply. The parenting advice world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth. For example, their techniques that "always work" definitely do not always work. Maybe they always worked for their particular bab…

> The […] world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth.

FTFY. Oh wait…

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#124

Post by sandreas »

This is a great article covering the basic "tricks", that might work in many cases. Babies are still always individual having some things that only work for them (like a hairdryer calms them down) and some general tricks, that don't. Even in the same family their brothers and sisters might behave totally different.

I enjoyed reading Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care, 10th [1], which goes a lot more into detail about these basics and health, while still mentioning, that only some things might work and that there is not a silver bullet.

In my expierience, it was a lot like in this article. What also often worked out, if nothing else does: Getting into the car and driving around the block leads to sleeping.

I think the most important part at that age is being there for your child. A trick that worked for us and might sound strange: Breastfeeding till the age of 2 or 3 seems to be the best that can happen to the immune system and giving your child to nursery before reaching 2 1/2 seems to be not a good idea. Our daugther has no allergies and intolerances. As well the obvious stuff also worked, like healthy food (vegetables, no sugar), being outside and moving as much as possible and letting her go sometimes, but that comes later on.

[1] https://www.amazon.de/Spocks-Baby-Child-Care-10th/dp/1501175...

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#125

Post by mattlondon »

gameshot911 wrote: post #103

Of kids I've always thought "maybe one day". I can see how it'd be a tough, but extremely rewarding and meaningful endeavor. But reading this article made me think for the first time "actually, I think I don't want kids." So many "mental CPU cycles" spent learning about pregnancy, babies, why they cry, how to care for them. It just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time…

As I sit here watching my 2 year old try and figure out what the hell a helium balloon is and why does it float when everything else falls, it is quite fun and enjoyable. They surprise you and they give a lot of affection and love back.

It is true that you will miss out on "me time" for several years, but that changes eventually. It is not hard work, just relentless at times.

For me, I don't think I would ever have been "ready" until it would be too late. The longer you leave things, the less time you have to sort it out. People assume that fertility issues only happen to other people, but there is a surprisingly high number - something like 25% of couples face issues conceiving one way or another. If you don't even start until late 30s or early 40s, you are at the tail-end of fertility (especially for females as there is a finite number of eggs). Sure there is IVF etc but it is not an emotionally simple process.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#126

Post by Shyles »

elzbardico wrote: post #56

Just out of curiosity: is it common for Americans not to breastfeed? It may seem funny but for me mentions of bottles for newborns sound so strange

In this specific case, breastfeeding twins is harder than breastfeeding single kid. Booby factory might be overworked due to increased demand :)

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#127

Post by privatdozent »

EdwardDiego wrote: post #87
asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #2

Great if it works for you, but for those who are dealing with babies, I wouldn't beat myself up if this advice doesn't apply. The parenting advice world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth. For example, their techniques that "always work" definitely do not always work. Maybe they always worked for their particular bab…

Every child is a whole new world, a whole new potential, and a whole new problem. 1. My first child couldn't be calmed easily, although I found a song that somehow worked. [0] 2. Second child could be soothed by slowly rubbing from his temple down past his eye to his cheek. 3. Third child hated that, but loved having her forehead rubbed slowly in a horizontal manner. 4. Fourth child just wanted a firm pressure on the…

Beautiful advice Edward :)

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#129

Post by mattlondon »

Every midwife and doctor always told us "every baby is different" which is infuriating when you just need some advice or reassurance, but probably accurate.

There certainly are different cries, but from experience I don't think there is a universal "language" of sounds.

As a parent you'll work it out for your kid fairly quickly. Just go down the checklist of needs and you'll work it out for each baby: hungry/thirsty, needs changing, needs attention/comfort, needs sleep.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#130

Post by daleharvey »

rp3 wrote: post #83
daleharvey wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Emily Oyster wrote good books about how a lot of the popular claims around giving birth / raising children have quite a severe lack of data that supports those claims. For breastfeeding in particular there isn't much data to separate whether breastfeeding is actually helpful at all vs being in an economical position that would allow someone to breasfeed. https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/everybody-calm-down-abo...

Did this author even read the papers she cites? > In the first camp — the randomized trial camp — we have one very large-scale study from Belarus. Known as the PROBIT trial, it was run in the 1990s and continued to follow up as the children aged. And then later > The researchers analyzed the impacts of breastfeeding on allergies and asthma; on cavities; and on height, blood pressure, weight and various measures of ob…

> Infants in the treatment group — who, remember, were more likely to be breastfed — had fewer gastrointestinal infections (read: less diarrhea) and were less likely to experience eczema and other rashes. However, there were no significant differences in any of the other outcomes considered. These include: respiratory infections, ear infections, croup, wheezing and infant mortality.

Apparently so, did you read the post you are criticizing?

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