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Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

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Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#111

Post by basisword »

gameshot911 wrote: post #103

Of kids I've always thought "maybe one day". I can see how it'd be a tough, but extremely rewarding and meaningful endeavor. But reading this article made me think for the first time "actually, I think I don't want kids." So many "mental CPU cycles" spent learning about pregnancy, babies, why they cry, how to care for them. It just doesn't appeal to me at all - I think it'd resent it taking me away from spending time…

Your opinion may shift naturally. I’ve started noticing as I get older that, despite my career, social life, finances etc being better than some close friends with kids - they are much happier. Even the people who’ve struggled financially because of it. The joy of a child, the constant challenge of raising it, and the constant change as it grows, seem to provide much more happiness than I can get from doing the “new cool thing” in the city or travelling or anything else. It also depends how early you are in your career but most people end up doing relatively meaningless work and having a kid will provide incredible meaning to your life comparatively. Finally, if you choose not to have kids your limiting your pool of potential partners and for most people being single forever is lonely.

This doesn’t apply to everyone. There are exceptions. And maybe I’m wrong and my opinion will shift again as I age further but I think as you see peers have children and the meaning it brings to their lives your opinion will change.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#112

Post by 01100011 »

sanj wrote: post #50

Two bits I’d add: 1. I printed and laminated a card listing the reasons the Baby could be crying. And tied it to the side of the crib. When you’re sleep deprived it can help to have this list available to you. 2. #7 on my list was “sometimes babies just need to cry.” My family swore that the witching hour was consistent with the sun rising or setting. And that the fix was to be outside with the baby.

Think about all the headaches a baby is likely to have with a soft skull and a rapidly growing body. I think sometimes they just hurt and there's no way for you to remedy it. They just need to cry it out.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#113

Post by em-bee »

bitshiftfaced wrote: post #99
sacrosancty wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you believe the consensus of medical professionals, then yes there is. In my country, Infant formula comes with a government-mandated warning on the tin recommending you not to use it. Maternity wards won't give it to newborns unless there's a medical need, and if the mother can't produce enough milk, they work hard to ensure that she can. That's the "appeal to authority" reason. How wrong it is, and even how sure…

Studies have found correlations between breastfeeding and later outcomes. But those studies have a bias. For example, mothers who graduated college are more likely to breastfeed, and their children are more likely to go to college. The only way to factor out the biases completely is with a twin study: same mother, same environment. That's what they did with the "Twins Early Development Study." This study found no cor…

did that study also look at health? my understanding is that the point of breastfeeding is a better immune system

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#114

Post by gsinclair »

bitshiftfaced wrote: post #84
elzbardico wrote: post #56

Just out of curiosity: is it common for Americans not to breastfeed? It may seem funny but for me mentions of bottles for newborns sound so strange

Why? Do you think something's wrong with that?

To me, it would take a mountain of effort to force myself to believe that breastfeeding is not better than formula.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#115

Post by ram_rar »

sacrosancty wrote: post #97
Waterluvian wrote: post #42

I’m somewhat fresh from this so my only advice is: There’s no magic tricks. Try everything. Don’t stop trying things. Something might work for you.

Well, I don't think people need to try every random trick in the hopes that one magically works, but all the basic options, yea, especially holding them against your body. The main aim should be to prevent lifelong emotional damage, not to help the parents get some sleep. Some parents try to train them not to cry by leaving them alone! That apparently even works but it's pretty horrifying since if it's done wrong, it…

> That apparently even works but it's pretty horrifying since if it's done wrong, it also trains them to be incapable of maintaining secure adult relationships later in life.

do you have any data or clinical trials to substantiate this? Seems pretty bold claim.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#116

Post by progre »

spdegabrielle wrote: post #6
asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #2

Great if it works for you, but for those who are dealing with babies, I wouldn't beat myself up if this advice doesn't apply. The parenting advice world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth. For example, their techniques that "always work" definitely do not always work. Maybe they always worked for their particular bab…

I’d like to add: it is ok to ask for help.

This. My wife went half crazy from sleep deprivation when our baby was about 1 month. One time both she and our daughter fell asleep after late night feeding. I went to make a sandwich, and when I came back my wife was crying in bed trying to wake the sleeping baby because she thoght she had been sleeping for 5 hours but in reality it was more like 20 minutes. She was desperate because the baby wouldn't wake up and eat. After that we realized that we were heading in a dangerous direction. We started the baby on formula instead of breast milk (at the time there was a somewhat agressive push from the baby doctors to keep breast feeding as long as possible). This meant we could share feeding duties. When she was comfortable with formula we actually left our (about 2 month old at that point) with my parents for 1 night a week so we could both sleep.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#118

Post by PrinceRichard »

Bottle feeding infants is a tragedy as it deprives them of an essential emotional experience they are intended to receive. Also, breast milk has miraculous healing properties and immune support functions.

While we're on the topic, breast milk can be squirted on wounds or irritated tissues for instant relief.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#119

Post by indemnity »

ido wrote: post #94
EdwardDiego wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Every child is a whole new world, a whole new potential, and a whole new problem. 1. My first child couldn't be calmed easily, although I found a song that somehow worked. [0] 2. Second child could be soothed by slowly rubbing from his temple down past his eye to his cheek. 3. Third child hated that, but loved having her forehead rubbed slowly in a horizontal manner. 4. Fourth child just wanted a firm pressure on the…

Yeah, I always find it funny when someone who has themselves only been a parent for 3 months feels they can now dispense sage advice. Sorta like someone going through bootcamp giving advice about programming.

We thought we were terrible no good parents with our first child, who is a little bit more on the sensitive and emotional side, with quite a bit of anxiety also. None of the advice from anyone worked, friends, family, parents, siblings, internet. Still not the easiest child at 5, but easier. Second child arrived, mentally prepared for the same challenges… and what a textbook kid, three years on.

Super chill, knocked all the milestones out of the park, easy to console, cheerful, little peacemaker, apple of big brother’s eye, makes us look like amazing parents.

I don’t give anyone any advice now other than … it can be hard, love your child, and spend a lot of time with them.

Re: Why babies cry in the first three months, how to tell them apart, and what to do

#120

Post by iforgotpassword »

Underphil wrote: post #85
asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #2

Great if it works for you, but for those who are dealing with babies, I wouldn't beat myself up if this advice doesn't apply. The parenting advice world is chock full of people who found something that worked for them and who then made the unwarranted conclusion that it is universal truth. For example, their techniques that "always work" definitely do not always work. Maybe they always worked for their particular bab…

My only advice to new parents is to largely ignore other parents' advice. Except mine, and only in this one instance.

If say don't ignore other parents advice, except the one I'm replying to. ;-)

I think it's reasonable to survey a dozen parents to get a bunch of different opinions and recommendations of what worked for others, so you have enough things to try if you got a situation, and don't just panic.

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