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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#451

Post by samsolomon »

For those of you who are trying to leave social media—this is an excellent way to keep in touch.

When you're on Twitter or Instagram, it's easy to see a picture or comment and message them about it. Or when you see someone's birthday on Facebook. When either you or your friends/family/acquaintances leave that social network, it's easy to lose track of one another.

I built something similar to this in Notion last year. It's a great way to keep contact with individuals—wherever they are—and not just a social profile.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#452

Post by skydhash »

snowwrestler wrote: post #249
gostsamo wrote: post #7

Let me just point that the messages must be genuine and thoughtful. It is written in the article, but it seems that some people failed to notice it and accuse the author of objectivization and hypocrisy.

You can also choose not to write. If the reminder email names someone you don’t feel like keeping in touch with anymore, you can just delete the email and go on with your day. It’s a system of personal reminders, not a Jira backlog to burn down.

I think many people miss this point. I'm good at conversation, but horrible at keeping in touch because I don't really perceive time in relationship. Maybe I need to develop a habit of going through my contact list, but that is very fragmented due to various platform - call, WhatsApp, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. So setting a common contact book, then adding reminders can be a nice way to maintain relationship.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#453

Post by samatman »

christiangenco wrote: post #359
sivers wrote: post #331

(I'm the guy he refers to in that post.) If anyone reading this builds software like this, and releases it publicly, whether free or for sale, please let me know. I'd be happy to send people your way. Because of https://sive.rs/dbt I get a few emails a week from strangers, asking if my software is public yet, or if not, what else I would recommend. (And I might never make my software public. It's too tied-in to my no…

Hi Derek! My implementation of your system is just a bunch of markdown files. The title of the file is a friend's name, the frontmatter at the top keeps info about them that doesn't change too often (ex: birthday, address, kids names), and each time I chat with them I add a section with an H1 title that's the date we chatted (ex: "# 2022-02-14\n"). My notes about the chat go under that heading. Based off of that stru…

Not at all to bikeshed your tool, which I'm sure works just fine, but this is the sort of application where GNU Recutils really shines.

https://www.gnu.org/software/recutils/

I mention it because it doesn't get the attention that it deserves, as a format midway between relational data in database and plain-old-text.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#454

Post by skydhash »

rimliu wrote: post #26
MrYellowP wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you manage to lose touch with friends? Did you not miss them? If you did, why didn't you contact them? If you didn't, why do you care? One can not forget about friends, one can only stop caring.

I do miss some people. I do not contact them, because I do not think they feel the same way about me, and I do not want to bother them. Social anxiety is a thing.

Or just in your mind you still have that bundle of memories which make you underestimate the time passed since last contact because you've been busy with life.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#455

Post by [deleted] »

andreyk wrote: post #434

There is actually at least one app for this - https://techcrunch.com/2018/04/10/a-new-app-called-garden-he... Pretty sure there are a couple of other ones. I don't get the backlash to this on here, life gets busy and it's nice to have some reminders set to not forget to make time to reach out to people. Personally I've gotten a lot more into getting in touch with people I have not caught up with in weeks / months / y…

[deleted]

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#456

Post by d0m3 »

kator wrote: post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

It sounds like good advice. Heck I don't wanna automate my life, especially not up that point. Imagine if the people the author contacted knew why, I wouldn't be too happy about it. Slightly related, I try to remember my closest friends birthdays, means more to me if I can remember it rather than a generic reminder...

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#457

Post by hotpotamus »

AlwaysRock wrote: post #427
hotpotamus wrote: post #374

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you ever played Stardew Valley? One game mechanic involves managing relationships with members of the town. You need to discover peoples' likes and dislikes, keep up contact, and remember their birthdays and probably a few other rules I'm forgetting. There's essentially a spreadsheet that you manage. It's the strangest thing to me - it feels like the way an autistic person might view relationships, but also like…

It's funny because this is how real relationships work though. Well not exactly. In stardew you have to give gifts to really become better friends with someone but in real life its much easier to become better friends with someone when you know their likes and dislikes. Honestly most of the bosses I've had that I actually liked are because I knew something they care about and we could talk about that. The ones I didn…

Oh yeah, I'm saying if you actually did the Stardew Valley spreadsheet in real life I think it would work well, but people might be creeped out if you showed it to them lol.

Good point about the Boss thing - I had a boss who was super into cars and I've dabbled in working on my own. It was at least something for us to chat about.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#458

Post by smiley0r »

300bps wrote: post #369
eatbitseveryday wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hm interesting. I’ve actually gotten these types of messages before, and now they seem strange. My replies were enthusiastic but did not lead to anymore than a shallow interaction, so I felt it was a waste of my time. Perhaps my cynical view, but I don’t want to be used for someone else’s need to feel like they’re connecting with someone when they’re not interested in more than a hello and hope you’re well. Those are…

Those are small talk and are taxing on me :-( Years ago I read the book, "How to Practice" by the Dalai Lama. Like any book, there were a few parts that stuck with me. Paraphrasing, one of them was: "If you are in the right frame of mind, your worst enemy cannot hurt you. If you are in the wrong frame of mind, your best friend visiting can seem like a horrific chore."

So true

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#459

Post by throwawayboise »

eatbitseveryday wrote: post #280
kator wrote: post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

Hm interesting. I’ve actually gotten these types of messages before, and now they seem strange. My replies were enthusiastic but did not lead to anymore than a shallow interaction, so I felt it was a waste of my time. Perhaps my cynical view, but I don’t want to be used for someone else’s need to feel like they’re connecting with someone when they’re not interested in more than a hello and hope you’re well. Those are…

They're text messages. They are the very epitome of shallow interaction. I agree with your sentiment completely.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#460

Post by throwawayboise »

300bps wrote: post #369
eatbitseveryday wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hm interesting. I’ve actually gotten these types of messages before, and now they seem strange. My replies were enthusiastic but did not lead to anymore than a shallow interaction, so I felt it was a waste of my time. Perhaps my cynical view, but I don’t want to be used for someone else’s need to feel like they’re connecting with someone when they’re not interested in more than a hello and hope you’re well. Those are…

Those are small talk and are taxing on me :-( Years ago I read the book, "How to Practice" by the Dalai Lama. Like any book, there were a few parts that stuck with me. Paraphrasing, one of them was: "If you are in the right frame of mind, your worst enemy cannot hurt you. If you are in the wrong frame of mind, your best friend visiting can seem like a horrific chore."

> your best friend visiting can seem like a horrific chore

100% for me. Holidays, with non-immediate family coming over, are a nightmare. I would be happy to meet at a restaurant or bar. Prepping the house and a menu of meals, snacks, drinks, etc. is not somthing I ever enjoy. It's stress from beginning to end. I've been known to feign illness to avoid these visits.

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