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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#101

Post by koonsolo »

MrYellowP wrote: post #79
iovrthoughtthis wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"if you cared, you'd remember" glad you have this experience, i dont think all of us do. i care deeply but seem to forget people exist and that makes me sad and dislike myself. i wish i could just remember. id still have so many friends if i did.

Well, then ... why did you forget, when you (believe you've) actually cared?

Do you know that Time Management Matrix with urgent/non-urgent on one side and important/not-important on the other?

Most of the time, life pushes us towards the urgent & important, and even urgent & not-important. When you have a busy life (full time job building a side business with a family with kids), it's just very hard to put the non-urgent & important on the agenda.

Not all things that are important are urgent.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#102

Post by erwincoumans »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

No he doesn't, you reach the wrong conclusion.

It is more similar to a birthday calendar reminder.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#103

Post by Ialdaboth »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

I guess you must be pretty young and havent experimented yet how easy it is to get swallowed by life.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#105

Post by CalRobert »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

There are a lot of people I care about, but sometimes you just _forget_. Or you remember, but it's too late to call them, or they're in a bad time zone, or they mostly use FB and you hate FB. After two kids, rebuilding a derelict house, etc. I found I had to be more intentional about keeping any friendships alive, and this basically seems like a more involved version of keeping friends' birthdays in a calendar to drop them a line.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#106

Post by anoncow »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

Some people can’t express and maintain relationships like other people but still like their friends. Having a system which can make my friends feel that I value them (which I do, but find difficult expressing) helps some people maintain a semblance of a social life.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#107

Post by ivanhoe »

MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

> So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them.

Regardless whether Dunbar's number is real or not, one cannot have "hundreds" of actual friends. So we're not really talking about friendships here, but about maintaining a network of contacts - or acquaintances at best - and that type of relationship is usually mutually based on the premise that "One might some day need them", there's nothing wrong about approaching it that way. And even though you're not super close, keeping in touch regularly is very important aspect of keeping your social ring alive. I'm too lazy and disorganized to approach it the way the author describes, but I totally see how it can be a beneficial socializing strategy in long terms.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#108

Post by agumonkey »

otikik wrote: post #82
MrYellowP wrote: post #5

So he's treating people like assets, not friends, and these assets need to be checked on on a regular basis. If there were friends, he'd not need to be reminded of contacting them. He'd miss contacting them. So instead he needs a tool to remind him of that "friend" he needs to contact, because pretending to care is beneficial. One might some day need them. It's incredibly sad that his social life, or rather: the illu…

I see how it might look like that, but you are missing a critical point. Everyone is different. What comes naturally to some doesn't come naturally to others. For a lot of people (me included) keeping in touch with others doesn't come "naturally". We miss contact, and yet we sheldom establish it. There are many reasons for this: poor time management skills, low self-esteem, simple lack of practice, etc. In any case,…

I've seen a comedian interview saying that friendship wasn't a natural sense, and with age he had to train himself a bit too maintain things. We all have various levels and have to find our ways to improve.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#109

Post by mb_72 »

Hmmm, I would never use such a system as for one thing - if people aren't contacting me, why should I care about contacting them? I have several 'best friends', maybe twice that 'friends', and then a bunch more I interact with sometimes, and I feel this is relatively normal. Also, I don't care actually if it's not normal, and don't feel I'm missing out on anything. That said, I'm quite the introvert and generally value time by myself over time with others.

Still, if this is what works for the author, and they feel they need to 'keep in touch', and that describing such a system helps other people, then good for them. Someone else using this system doesn't hurt me in any way, in fact if I was contacted by someone AND found out about the system behind it, my curiosity about how it worked might lead to a new deeper friendship.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#110

Post by dskloet »

l33tbro wrote: post #97
otikik wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see how it might look like that, but you are missing a critical point. Everyone is different. What comes naturally to some doesn't come naturally to others. For a lot of people (me included) keeping in touch with others doesn't come "naturally". We miss contact, and yet we sheldom establish it. There are many reasons for this: poor time management skills, low self-esteem, simple lack of practice, etc. In any case,…

Then why do they frame connection in terms of a habit that yields "unlimited upside" and prevents you from missing out on opportunities? You are absolutely right that people are different, but this person comes across a little transactional and an exemplar of the Zuckerborg meme.

Why is it wrong to see a good friendship as very valuable?
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