551–560 of 1001 posts
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This kind of withdrawal seems to be happening in many cultures. In Japan it's called hikikomori . I forget what it's called in Italy, but I know I've read about it. Here it's the same, except ours tend to be more violent.
Usually referred to as a NEET (Not in Education, Employment, or Training) in the western world.
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I used to think that. I genuinely did. I thought that the bar was all the way up in space and that it’s impossible to reach it. I was pretty lonely. Of course, I used to also think that my value was in my net worth and you could have seen all the way from space the “I’m an asshole and I don’t know why nobody will date me” vibes radiating off of me. Then I grew up, I chilled out, and I put conscious effort into things…
> listening, and exercising my capacity for empathy, and trying to be pleasant to be around None of that matters if you aren’t attractive. You have to be attractive for girls to swipe right on you and start a conversation in the first place.
As 'rdtwo notes, though, it does take practice and commitment and it does take time.
I'm a mid-30's white male. While I agree that large numbers of males unemployed, failing in education, not going to college etc is bad for society, it's uncomfortable to read a call for more funding for the purpose of helping men succeed. Women are still paid less than men, and hold fewer positions of power in politics or business. They still far outnumber men as victims of sexual assault. They are still expected to…
One area I think this is evident is mass shootings in US schools: primarily carried out by boys, mainly white (oof, walked right into grouping by age and race). What is happening to boys to lead them down that path? Another area are deaths-from-despair [1] (the graph is from the UK*). What is leading men towards suicide? One more stat, violent deaths are, by a wide margin, mainly carried out by men on men [2]. What is driving men to be involved in violent deaths. Altogether, and I think you agree here, men are not doing well in important areas.
Above is collection of red flags and calls for direct help. And the current public conversation revolves around balancing opportunities for women (which is necessary, good for society, and I give credit to those that have brought the subject to the fore). But men and boys need more as well, perhaps in different ways than wages, positions of powers, etc. (granted how much can be determined by income bracket). Homicidal boys are likely different from the ones that grew up in households of mental/emotional/financial/stability. And men dying by despair are likely different than those in positions of power or wealth.
The crux of my argument is this: there is a difference between boys and men of wealth, power, and privilege. And ample attention by governments or communities should be offered, for a better overall society
One last point, on the point of incels: what is happening to boys to create a large enough group for a label (and the ridicule) of incels?
[1] https://archive.ph/xW50c [2] https://www.unodc.org/unodc/en/data-and-analysis/global-stud...
US-based cis-hetero white man here. The data reinforce the impression you get glancing at the headlines or spending a day out anywhere in America observing other men. Dare I say it even reinforces what I know from painful firsthand experience as a man, at the lowest points in my life. I was lucky though, with a supportive family who helped me through the confusing years of early adulthood. You can point to the declin…
And pointing to the decline of religion isn't very helpful for us atheists. I can't really buy into a religion I don't believe in for the sake of making society better. I'd rather try to make society better directly, I don't want to do a "noble lie". I'll gesture vaguely at "the suburbs". Low trust and alienation describes my childhood in a place where you needed a car to do anything and even when my parents let me w…
Pointing to something that is true doesn't need to be helpful. Making the statement it's not helpful to you, is helpful to noone.
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> Whatever the cause I fully reject the lazy conclusion this is somehow women's fault. Of course! The problem is not women! The problem is media, schools, companies, everyone buying into this in a collective delusion. Men also think this, but unlike women we are even encouraged to strengthen these insane ideas that we are somehow inferior (gets imprisoned more often, less academic success despite supposedly being ext…
Right. It’s our fault, that is, men’s. We live in a society in which we we have disproportionately had the power. And this is the result. But I don’t think it’s really a gender thing, I think it’s a power and money thing. That is, I don’t think mainly white, rich and powerful men set out to disadvantage other men. I think they were more focused on advantaging themselves to the exclusion of everyone else. What I find…
This is an incredibly asinine take.
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Yours is an argument of kind in reply to an argument of degree.
The degree is irrelevant. I don't doubt that men have privilege — but the "but women have it worse!" comment often shows up on articles like these, and since it's just whataboutism, it feels like it's suggesting that we shouldn't care about these issues. Shouldn't we care about how society is treating people, no matter who they are, instead of getting into a pissing contest about who society is _really_ screwing over…
You're jumping to a bit of a conclusion here. Most people seem to be reading this comment as re recognition that this particular guy is privileged compared to most people, not a blanket argument that women have it worse. Consider why you reacted so defensively to such an anodyne self-reflection.
Possible unpopular opinion, but my wife and I want just one kid, and would greatly, greatly, prefer a daughter for reasons that include some mentioned in this article. I feel a son would be so much harder to raise in today's world.
I have a son, and am moderately optimistic this has peaked already. As the other commenter said, we see different families in very different mindsets. I have been personally affected by sexism type B: was expected to work, to be a provider someday, to pay my own way to university, if you want a car you buy it, etc. etc. My sister had the second family car at disposal and the tuition was paid for. There was this under…
This is more often false than true. I know many men who have or are marrying women who make 1/2 or less what they do. Nice, wealthy, and rational folks. They however need a woman. And there is a strong lack of women who are anywhere near where many men are in compensation and wealth.
I am example of that. I married someone who made nothing. I put her through a prestigious college in the most expensive location in the country and paid for it all. Etc.
Supply+demand. We got way more men than we do women in this world under age 35. As a guy - you have to settle.
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A note on fitness. Any pressure I've had to lose weight or whatnot has come from me . All female partners have said that they don't care about my weight, and some actually like some belly to rest on. That said, they have commented favourably on other physical features, and I'm not particularly overweight. I say all this just to try and fight the idea that crops up that if you're male and don't fit some jacked or "Cha…
Forget the incel subculture, media - traditional, social, or otherwise has been feeding us that for decades as well. If you're not thin and "beautiful", your romantic prospects are zero so why even try. Admittedly, it's also partially one's own fault for buying into it, but being fed a continual stream of the best looking people from a young age seriously alters one's perspective. I spent my entire teenage and young…
What's your exercise regimen? I know there's lot of stuff out there that tells you what to do. Not all of it easy to understand or even effective. Happy to keep replying here to give you some thoughts.
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That traditional gender roles are good for society
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> You can point to the decline of organized religion and with it traditional gender roles, but then what explains the relative stability in post-Christian Europe? As far as I can tell, Europe isn’t all that post-Christian. Even countries that have low levels of people actively practicing religion still carry a strong cultural legacy from Christianity: https://www.europenowjournal.org/2019/10/02/the-catholic-nes... Co…
You mention a lot of statistics. If there is a point you wanted to make could you clarify it?
> Counterintuitively, America’s lack of a generous welfare system tends to destabilize traditional gender roles.