Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#571

Post by bitxbitxbitcoin » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:14 PM UTC

mancerayder wrote: post #548

For me those feelings are exacerbated by the housing situation, and inflation running hot. In a high cost of living area, there are two tiers of human being: 1 Those who have purchased a home before the insanity, and have a stability around their housing location and costs. 2 Those who are renting. A few scenarios. Let's take the 500K figure and the number 2. Number 2 can't quit their jobs to climb mountains and do y…

The Number 2 can move to a low cost of living place. Plenty of small towns around the world and even in the US where 500k will set you up with housing security and free time to do yoga, clean living, therapy, and child-rearing.

Why people don’t consider this option seriously is a different consideration entirely.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#572

Post by bradfa » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:14 PM UTC

boomskats wrote: post #462

CorrectHorseBat wrote: post #439

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> with front and rear RockShox or better If you're only biking on the road I wouldn't get that, only slows you down. >(I use no helmet, because I'm trained to fall properly, but I recommend to wear helmet until you fall at least 10 times.). Not sure if you're serious...

I used to work with someone who was an avid cyclist, in his mid 50s, and insisted you didn't need a helmet when cycling because 'if you think about it, when you're falling, you will use your hands to stop yourself - so all you really need is a decent pair of gloves'. He was totally serious, and I assume the previous poster might also be. It's a slightly bizarre viewpoint, but not that dissimilar - this idea that you…

I’ve been biking for over 30 years. I’ve broken a helmet in a fall. I know how to fall.

ALWAYS WEAR A HELMET! It very well may save your life. Many crashes happen much too fast for you to react to.

It’s like a seatbelt or airbag in a car. Useless 99.9999% of the time. But when they’re needed they can dramatically improve your chances of survival.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#573

Post by enraged_camel » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:14 PM UTC

bredren wrote: post #534

altcognito wrote: post #413

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He's not underplaying it. He is telling him to have perspective. Life has been pretty good to OP, at least as he portrays it. OP is not wrong. Time is running out . His best physical years are behind him. On the plus side he has deep experience. He probably has seen quite a bit. Maybe his feeling of having seen everything is justified. Existential dread is a bit of a thing, but it comes for the successful and the tru…

> His best physical years are behind him. They could be. Or it could depend on OP. Tom Brady has more Super Bowl Trophies and MVP selections from __after__ he was 37. There are plenty of athletic sports where being young does not offer easy superiority.

People like Tom Brady are extremely rare exceptions though, at the far, far end of the spectrum. In most competitive sports, player hit their peak relatively young, in most cases before they turn 35. This doesn't mean getting older necessarily makes one worse, but it definitely increases things like recovery times, chance of injury, etc. that tend to have that combined effect.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#574

Post by exdsq » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:15 PM UTC

Sounds a little like either burnout or depression could be at play here mate. I'd suggest three things; A) work on your physical health. You're in your 30s and can absolutely be much fitter and healthier than you were in your 20s. B) consider taking time out of work and using your savings to do some cool things you've wanted to do for a while - maybe travel in Europe, spend your summer surfing and winter snowboarding or something. C) speak to a therepist and check your mental health is in tip top shape. It can have a really good effect to speak this stuff out to someone and reflect on causes.

Whatever you decide, wish you the best. 35 isn't old.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#575

Post by bradlys » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:16 PM UTC

datavirtue wrote: post #411

yodsanklai wrote: post #339

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. I wish that was true. For me, dating became incredibly harder after 40 even though my social status has considerably increased.

I have been happily married for decades. We have friends who are dating late in life. No envy here. I feel sorry for anyone on a dating app. What a shit show.

It’s a shit show for most any straight man. Dating is something you’ll have to relegate to the old real world as a straight man. Too many straight men on dating apps. The apps know how to drain men of their money.

Better to try real life methods - even though they are incredibly difficult and resoundingly terrible overall too. The most difficult part could just be getting in front of someone you find attractive - dating apps make it relatively easy to find the attractive ones even if they put them behind a paywall.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#576

Post by librish » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:16 PM UTC

mr_tristan wrote: post #566

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

I agree with all of this, and just want to add a note about mental health; take your stress levels seriously and learn to know your triggers. While most of us working in tech tend to live pretty cushy lives, but, we are surrounded by silly frustrations and limitless distractions that can sum up and become pretty stressful. Learning to spot, "I'm getting stressed" and finding some way of mitigating this is really impo…

You should do some form of aerobic exercise if you're working out for health reasons. Cardiovascular health is important and will make you feel "fitter" on an every day basis.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#577

Post by msilb » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:19 PM UTC

bredren wrote: post #534

altcognito wrote: post #413

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He's not underplaying it. He is telling him to have perspective. Life has been pretty good to OP, at least as he portrays it. OP is not wrong. Time is running out . His best physical years are behind him. On the plus side he has deep experience. He probably has seen quite a bit. Maybe his feeling of having seen everything is justified. Existential dread is a bit of a thing, but it comes for the successful and the tru…

> His best physical years are behind him. They could be. Or it could depend on OP. Tom Brady has more Super Bowl Trophies and MVP selections from __after__ he was 37. There are plenty of athletic sports where being young does not offer easy superiority.

This. I am 37 now and feel healthier and overall happier than when I was 15, 20 or 25. It really depends.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#578

Post by drran » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:21 PM UTC

dahart wrote: post #529

drran wrote: post #401

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Buy a bike with matching frame for your height, with good double suspension, e.g. with front and rear RockShox or better, and raise the handlebar to a comfortable height. Your back will thank you. Install all safety systems: front and rear bike lights, mirror, reflectors, use helmet, reflectors, wear reflective jacket, etc. You must be visible at the road at all times. (I use no helmet, because I'm trained to fall pr…

What does trained to fall properly mean? Are you absolutely sure there is such a thing? I doubt that there is, because the human neck is not strong enough to withstand many kinds of flat falls (just watch FailArmy for a while), and assuming you can prevent a flat fall during an accident is a bad assumption. Assuming you can avoid a head-first fall is a bad assumption, and assuming you’re not going to be struck by a c…

When I was in school, our trainer was ill, so he was replaced by a craft teacher, which was fresh from the army. He was a soviet paratrooper, so he told us that he knows nothing about training, but he sure that we will fall a lot during our life, so he will train us to fall properly. We did about a hundred of jumps and falls and rolls per lesson, up to 2 meter height, in military style for 2,5 months, up to 1000 falls in total.

When I'm falling, I'm rotating my body to fall flat on the back. I'm wearing a bicycle backpack with thick absorber and protective plate (Wolf Skin, Kite, etc.), so it absorbs energy and protects my back. Bad for backpack and notebook, but good for me.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#579

Post by j4yav » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:21 PM UTC

alangibson wrote: post #501

j4yav wrote: post #261

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you’re out of novelty in the world by 35 I think that’s more on you than the world. There’s really so much out there - complexity in every direction and at every focal length. If you want to center your life around novelty-seeking you can do it until well past the point where your body will fail you. Travel and education are good ways to find new horizons, but they are everywhere around you all the time. Seriously…

> If you’re out of novelty in the world by 35 I think that’s more on you than the world It's a good thing I didn't say that then. I said you experience diminishing returns due to having already experienced similar (but not the same!) things. The more you experience, the more you recognize what you've already experienced in new experiences. This seems like a totally unavoidable consequence of living for anyone that do…

Even getting diminishing returns on all the variety and everything in the world in your 30s to me seems crazy, but to each his or her own. I am in my 40s and don’t feel like my world is trending towards indistinguishable gray mush at all.

You don’t have to take my word for it though, there are lots of older people who still find and get by on novelty in the world, are inspired by it, and don’t feel that everything is a rehash. There are some even replying in this thread, and more you can meet in your own neighbourhood I’m sure. Let them be an inspiration that it doesn’t have to end up that way.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#580

Post by demadog » Sun, Feb 06, 2022, 5:21 PM UTC

Xenoamorphous wrote: post #509

drzaiusapelord wrote: post #317

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yep this. The average rate of return is 10% so this is someone who can make $50k a year just off this money alone. The real median wage in the USA for workers who worked full time in 2020 was $56k. This person has enough money to nearly replicate the financial success of your average American via a do-nothing secondary income. Your average American retires with only $200k saved up by age 65 as well. $500k is a lot of…

> If you are not dying to have kids then you shouldn't not have kids. There is a lot of toxic advice here about having children to "fix" things. Children should not be born as a way to fix yourself. It is 100% valid to not want children. I say this as a parent. Its a grueling and hard life compared to not having children, and if you have difficulty in life and don't even want kids, do not have them. They will not mag…

Same boat, congratulations! I think the biggest thing about having a baby is that we change for the better and mature. Getting to a new level of wisdom and grit that sticks around even after they get easier when they’re older!