I feel the same. Will be looking at this thread to look at suggestions at a later date.
Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
251–260 of 890 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#252I am 46 and I feel the same. I fill in all the advice tick boxes. Excellent physical health. I work out frequently and have no ailments other than slightly autistic personality. Great job and well compensated for it. Great economy, own my own place. Have adult child that has moved out and is doing well. On paper, I am doing extremely well. Inside, I wake up every morning really sorry I am still alive. This pointless…
Have you tried professional help?
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#253I am 46 and I feel the same. I fill in all the advice tick boxes. Excellent physical health. I work out frequently and have no ailments other than slightly autistic personality. Great job and well compensated for it. Great economy, own my own place. Have adult child that has moved out and is doing well. On paper, I am doing extremely well. Inside, I wake up every morning really sorry I am still alive. This pointless…
It's possible to be happy and content. If you're serious, it's not right. Please consider asking for help.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#254Firstly, stop this rubbish about getting old; with current life expectancies I wouldn't even consider someone middle aged until they are their forties. Old is probably late sixties to seventies. You still have a long way to go :-) Secondly, stop trying to define your life by "achieving". I know this is a difficult one, I'm still (sort of) struggling with this one. Achievements are ephemeral. Only an incredibly tiny m…
Good post.
> Secondly, stop trying to define your life by "achieving".
It's easier said than done, but once I started focusing on the journey instead of the destination everything became much more enjoyable.
I used to get angry when something would not go to plan, but now I view it as a good story in the making. Bugs being discovered in code are now fun problems to solve. I power lifted for years and learned to enjoy the grind because I might go months before being able to add weight to a lift. Now I train jiu-jitsu and instead of thinking about some end state, I focus on enjoying the suck when getting smashed. Even something simple like raining outside. I don't run to my car, I purposely walk and enjoy the drops on my face.
It may sound silly, but this focus on the journey and being comfortable being uncomfortable really changed me for the better according to my friends and SO.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#255This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…
> I'm a loner by nature, so I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't settled down. I just know it wouldn't be as good.
I'm the same way, and spent many years of my twenties living a very lonely existence. Getting a family was the best decision I ever made. I'm absolutely certain I'd be in a miserable place otherwise.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#256I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…
> I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore
So do I. Unfortunately I don't have any and most likely never will (the wife can't). Combined with an unfulfilling job, this makes most days quite pointless and hard to bear.
Personally I try to distract myself, not think too much about these things and just wait for it all to be over.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#257Holistic health and spiritual practices to open your mind and heart.
It sounds like you're drowning, being weighted down, by your own biased judgement.
I'd recommend to fast track to bypass your ego mind's unreasonable, unflattering judgement of yourself, to look into Ayahuasca ceremonies - which are legal in many parts of the world including Canada.
You're blocked from seeing your self-worth, and that's a big problem as like attracts like - and having a low self-worth (or low vibration in woo-woo spiritual communities) is going to only attract more of the same, and not bring you the light (shine or lightness) into your life - if you're not shining or feeling light yourself.
Psilocybin mushrooms are another option that may be more readily available but not legal in as many places.
There's a fairly large community of users of psychedelics/entheogens in San Francisco/Silicone Valley, so if you're a developer from that area, or ever take a trip/journey out there - it shouldn't be hard to stumble into like-minded communities of developers who you could venture with spiritually; Steve Jobs was into psychedelics, likely why his mind was opened exponentially to the possibilities he was able to see with Apple's potential.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#258Find at least one hobby that can give you a decade of challenge - whether that challenge is mental, physical, or both - and completely unrelated to you day job.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#259Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#260Get married and have kids already. The developed world population has been well below the replacement level, and you will have a new purpose in life, one that is very hard, but feels biologically correct. Kids are a way to try to "get right" all the mistakes you made or people made with you. Of course they will make their own mistakes, but we're talking about what will be rewarding for you. You sound like you have ex…
Don’t know why you’re being downvoted. Sounds like there are a lot of resentful childless population here on HN. The OP asked for advices and someone’s giving it. Chill folks