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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#161

Post by wayoutthere »

csee wrote: post #151
hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

What is your personality type? Are you extroverted? Would points (2) and (3) differ for someone who is introverted?

Nope; social life is important. I find that I get overwhelmed and drained with large groups, but doing things with a group small enough to fit in a car together is fine. I personally have some hobbies I enjoy for their own sake, and meeting people through those has been rewarding. It’s good to have a mix of “close friends” who you can be open and will support you emotionally, and “activity buddies” who you can geek out about your shared interests with.

Humans are not meant to go through the world alone and modern life can be incredibly isolating. It takes effort to build social connection but it is well worth it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#163

Post by Venkatesh10 »

I'll give you a proposal. For $30k, I'll share you real good ideas and optimistic project I've been thinking about for a while. With that amount, I'll be able to quit my job and you can become a partner in building the product. It'll give you a purpose for some time.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#164

Post by unfocussed_mike »

You're not getting old just yet.

Don't go to bars (drinking for the sake of it is a waste of time) ... except to see live music, or live comedy, or something. Go to festivals, though.

Or start a regular event or a festival with friends, or spend some time helping a local music venue. Or if you don't know those people, join some group that helps people put on events you might want to attend.

At 33, I was handed a bit of a social lifeline and the brief self-esteem to grab onto it, and found my way into a local music scene that I worked how I could to help support, which sustained me personally until the pandemic arrived. Now I find my life is lonely and detached, but 33 is a long time ago. That period of life was good; I look back on it fondly.

Do something to build the kind of life that fits you now. Be part of something: 35 is a time when you can still have fun but you also have life experience and maturity that helps you organise, see more different perspectives, value creating fun for other people, look out for them and take care of them.

And right now, post-pandemic, anything you do to help people re-establish the connections that have gone a bit cold and the friendships that have lost their steam in periods of lockdown and restriction will be welcomed by like-minded people, many of whom will be your age.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#165

Post by elzbardico »

hughrr wrote: post #132

I’m in my late 40s. Just gone through 15 years of absolute shit with an ex partner and financial chaos. Decided I’d fix it in 2019. Three important things to concentrate on: 1. Health. If that’s off, fix it first. Everything depends on health. Sort out your diet, physical fitness and health and mental health follows. I’m fitter than all my peers and both fitter and healthier than I was in my 20s. Can run a half marat…

Plus one in health and physical fitness. Buying a bicycle and using it daily was probably the best investment I ever made in myself. Also, I can't believe that I smoked those filthy cigarretes for so long, but how good is that I stopped this habit.

About material realizations please remind that the average successful enterpreneur age is about 45. I only started being able to save serious, retirement-style money when I've got 40.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#166

Post by unfocussed_mike »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

You don't need to _have_ a family. But it helps to find one.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#167

Post by ido »

noduerme wrote: post #87
ido wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would guess loneliness is a big part of it. You don't have to be "successful" to find a life partner.

You're more likely to find one before you get rich.

I wouldn't know, but either way I don't think OP is rich enough to hamper their chances.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#168

Post by Aeolun »

jimt222 wrote: post #150
alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older?

It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement.

I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot of bubbles and he’s tremendously excited. I’m excited to see him being excited (which is novel’ish), but the fact that bubbles appear is incredibly mundane now.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#169

Post by gitfan86 »

jart wrote: post #141
dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

(3) is a very negative way of looking at things. Do you think Bill Gates did it on his own? You don't have to be famous in order to play a small part of something impactful that's larger than yourself and will be respected for generations.

The point isn't that you will never be part of something great. The point is to keep your stress level low in regards to work.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#170

Post by baobabKoodaa »

kkwteh wrote: post #112

I was really depressed while doing my PhD, and something that helped me a lot was getting seriously involved in a social dance community. I think this could help you a lot. It really seems to me that what you’re missing is human connection, and social dance is a way to facilitate it. There are dance communities with plenty of people your age. It’s a totally different scene from bars and clubs. People don’t drink very…

> It’s also a good way to find potential relationship partners, although the primary interest should be the dancing, since people can tell if you’re just there to hook up and that will come off as creepy and predatory.

If anyone reading this is lonely and thinking of going to social outings for the purpose of finding a partner: do it. It's ok! It's not creepy or predatory.

Furthermore, reading peoples' minds is very difficult, so people actually can't tell what motivated you to go to a social outing. It's okay to go to a social outing motivated by the prospect of finding a partner, and it's okay to say that you're out to "learn to dance" or to "have a drink" or any number of things.

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