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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#41

Post by mikewarot »

I'm 58. Everything IS an different iteration of the same thing. Generally, if intelligent adults are involved, there are likely to be some useful new things in the new iteration, small improvements. On rare occasion, there are massive changes that only become apparent later. (Like when transistors first appeared, they wore out, like tubes, but slower... germanium was replaced by silicon, and lifetimes tended towards infinity, and then integrated circuit appeared)

You're not too old to have a social life... that happens once you're in a nursing home, and have worn out the good will of the staff. Up until that point, there are always new friendships and relationships to be had.

Going out to parties and drinking until morning is a lot harder on you than it was, that's a normal part of growing up. There are plenty of other things to do that are far more rewarding if you give yourself time to grow into them (and Covid rules don't prohibit them)

If you need a hobby, I suggest machining. Challenge yourself to make 1000 of some everyday hardware store item, like a 1/4" 10-24 x 2" screw, Flat head. You'll learn a lot of interesting history, and grow to appreciate the supply chain, along the way.

Note: Outside of the US, maybe some M8 Torx screws instead? You'll learn about Rotary Broaching, or cold heading, along the way.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#42

Post by ido »

VBprogrammer wrote: post #37
bojan wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, even without kids and a relationship, it's a large sum. Large enough that he's probably doing really good professionally.

Perhaps this is naive of me but to have half a million in the bank and being miserable sounds like a pretty poor state of affairs. Time to convert some of that money into time and experiences.

I would guess loneliness is a big part of it. You don't have to be "successful" to find a life partner.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#43

Post by iExploder »

u are middle aged, biological imperative dictates you are suppose be raising children. seems you are financially positioned for a family, find out if that's something you'll like or not. imagine what kind of life you want to have at 50.

in general its "never too late for anything", but realistically, having a kid takes a lot of effort both mentally and physically.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#44

Post by jason0597 »

WadeWatts8472 wrote: post #28

Might be wrong but this sounds more like depression to me than aging. I've had a few bad ~6 month bouts of this and always the strongest symptom was a total lack of interest in things that I know I used to enjoy very much. It seems to happen to me once every 5 years or so (I'm 49). Personally, drugs and CBT never helped me with these. They might help you. I mostly just put my head down and kept coding for work and di…

> Personally, drugs and CBT never helped me with these.

Can I ask what medication/drugs were you given (or gave to yourself) when you went through these periods?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#46

Post by resonious »

trendingwaifu wrote: post #36
shmde wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you checked your vitamin D, vitamin B12 levels ? I am 25 and used to feel the same way. Not interested in things, giving up repeatedly on my gf/relationship, playing video games became a chore. I used to sleep less because of the stress of a very shitty job. Overall I felt like shit all the time. I read on the net that it might be because of a vitamin D deficiency. I took a medical test and it showed me that I w…

> playing video games became a chore Ouch. This is the one I identify the most with. I am, or was, a huge gamer. I used to play shooters, MMOs, and grindy RPGs and loved it. I could easily spend the whole day playing. Now I can barely play for more than an hour without feeling some kind of anxiety that I'm wasting my time or need to get to the goal as efficiently as possible. How can I fix this!? I'm already taking v…

I'm late 20's and can also kind of relate. Playing games kind of feels like a chore now.

Personally, I just took that as a signal to stop playing games. I still play (and really enjoy) multiplayer games with friends when they're around, but if you have an anxiety saying "you should be doing something else" then I think you should probably try doing something else.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#47

Post by resonious »

ramijames wrote: post #4

Have you gone traveling? I found that spending a few years on the road dramatically changed the way that I saw myself, my place in the world, and my worldview as a whole. Concepts like "achievement" are not fixed in stone, and are yours to define. Perhaps it is time that you take that challenge on, and define for yourself what success means to you. It doesn't have to be academic, career, or family oriented. It can be…

I agree completely but just thought I'd point out that OP mentioned having traveled and even lived in multiple countries.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#48

Post by ratsimihah »

You could try yoga. Take some classes, do it everyday. It makes the body fit and the mind healthy. It also teaches acceptance and non -attachment (to achievements, etc), living in the moment and just breathing.

When you feel good about life and yourself, you can attract people and turn your life positively more easily.

It's all a bit abstract and different from the rationality we're used to in tech, but maybe worth a try?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#50

Post by bjt2n3904 »

Man, this is the WORST place to ask for advice. A quick scan of the suggestions:

* Have you tried medicating these feelings away?

* Have you tried drugs?

* Get on a plane! Travel and "find yourself!"

* You have money, why aren't you happy?

* How about you do everything again that brought you to this place... But in a different career field?

About the only real suggestion here is to exercise, find a hobby, or start a family -- but even those posters have an absurdist take that it is a meaningless pursuit. The Mr. Peanutbutter take: "Life is about occupying yourself with pleasant nonsense until you die."

What an indictment of this culture. Their solution is either to therapy this feeling out of existence, distract yourself from it, or ignore it. (Or alternatively, utterly fail to comprehend why you could possibly feel this way when you have money.)

I'm of the opinion that these feelings must be confronted directly. When I was in a similar position, I read the book of Ecclesiastes. I'd start there.

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