Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#471

Post by atregir » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 1:52 AM UTC

blackboxlogic wrote: post #392

rexstjohn wrote: post #20

The bad news is it sounds like you have absolutely nothing. The good news is it sounds like you have absolutely nothing. How I would love to move to Taiwan or Vietnam for six months making my current salary and work remote right now. Or even one month. Wouldn’t it be fun to go to Europe, take a train across the continent and work on a laptop. Or an Airbnb in Barbados. Who convinced you that you have to stay in this l…

Countering with a lesson I leaned the hard way: if you're depressed and you go to Europe you'll be depressed in Europe. Traveling may not be a bad idea, but it won't necessarily fix anything because "wherever you go, there you are"

You reminded me of this song: https://open.spotify.com/track/2Z77xPgph4BVaW8BgzVZrp?si=c-1...

And I believe what you say is very true, although I'm one of the ones that easily move and embrace the change - I think I keep doing it for the fun and the challenge and simply out of curiosity. At least that's what I tell myself, since I've had to _really_ think if I was trying to run away from anything whenever I did choose to move, exactly because of that expression and of this song.

ps. I also went into my notes and found this gem, which I've really enjoyed reading some time ago: https://moretothat.com/travel-is-no-cure-for-the-mind/

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#472

Post by Beegle » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 2:23 AM UTC

Change scenery and surround yourself with people. That advice about finding a hobby is good because if you can find one that involves other people, it is a great way to break the ice. I struggle with everything you mention and more on a regular basis. I am sorry you are dealing with it.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#473

Post by [deleted] » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 4:08 AM UTC

andrewshatnyy wrote: post #221

Mate, switch countries. I assume you're in the US - But honestly doesn't matter. Move to non-western countries where friendship and relationship are valued more than wealth. I did that whenever I had a burnout. And it wasn't easy for a Russian kid. But moving will expose you to struggle, which life is all about. Embrace it stay open and you will find friends.

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#474

Post by message » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 5:59 AM UTC

zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

BJJ is also fun hobby. Involves same pattern recognition as programming and builds comradery. Sometimes it’s fun to fantasize how you’d choke the hell out of the PM that annoys you :)

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#475

Post by hungryforcodes » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 6:31 AM UTC

Move to another country like one in Asia or South or Central America or Europe. North America is rapidly becoming a vacuous wasteland of self hate and inane boredom. Girls are for sure more friendly in other countries if that's your thing.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#476

Post by thelettere » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 6:32 AM UTC

hamburglar wrote: post #437

thelettere wrote: post #409

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Except in this instance OP specifically mentioned therapy as advice he was not looking for. So it's odd and paternalistic if not downright rude that the #1 comment advises just that.

..among many other things. And they didn’t say they didn’t want therapy as advice, they specifically did ask for advice beyond therapy but that doesn’t mean they are going to be offended by someone saying “but also, if you aren’t in therapy, try it.” And calling this “paternalistic” when someone is saying they hate their life and is asking for advice is completely uncalled for. Your overly-strong anti-therapy stance…

It is the very definition of paternalistic to tell someone who wants something other than x, x, and "for their own good".

And I am neither anti-therapy nor pro-therapy (only a simpleton would have an unnuanced position on such a complex topic). Next time please refrain from attempting to put words into my mouth, it is disrespectful and adds nothing of value to your comment.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#477

Post by blindmute » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 6:55 AM UTC

throwawaynay wrote: post #2

"they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc." So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently a good source of income, I'd advise you to go remote, travel, try digital nomadism, go to meetups, meet other tr…

This is the total opposite of what you should do. Why would you uproot yourself to meet a bunch of transient people you'll never see again, or if you do it's once per year because they live across the world, when you're explicitly lonely and looking for friends? Those meetings are so pointless compared to cultivating relationships in a permanent place.

OP needs to put down roots in some place he likes and then start finding people he can hang out with regularly. If you do it right, you'll know the cashiers where you shop and the tailor and the butcher and etc. This is how you develop your social life, not by the equivalent of mindless scrolling but for irl socializing.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#478

Post by TheAlchemist » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 10:26 AM UTC

You buy a bottle of good whiskey, and next time they party, you go upstairs with it and say that you can't sleep, so you may as well join them. Most of the time, it's as simple as that

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#479

Post by baremetal » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 1:12 PM UTC

selimthegrim wrote: post #412

baremetal wrote: post #400

I left coding. "Retired" at 29. goofed off until covid hit (age 33). Was very apathetic, developed some nasty self destructive habits.. covid kinda woke up me up. Moved to a rural area. Bought a 20 acre farm. Got a entry level job as a carpenter. Within a year i had hired the master carpenter i was working with (after our boss was in a motorcycle accident and closed his business). Just got our first house (custom hom…

What does traditional mean?

functional

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#480

Post by XCSme » Mon, Jan 31, 2022, 1:39 PM UTC

Not sure if it's any help, but I enjoyed the books "How to win friends and influence people" and currently "The Laws of Human Nature".

The main gist is that many of the things you see in people are just a reflection of yourself, mostly your insecurities/defects. Try to really get to know people without instantly assigning the label "unattractive", "looking for a husband", "boring" when you see them. People are very complex; everyone has good and bad parts. Even if you have no interest in befriending someone, just try to understand them and their point of view, it will also help you understand yourself better and what you really want.