221–230 of 522 posts
Move to non-western countries where friendship and relationship are valued more than wealth.
I did that whenever I had a burnout. And it wasn't easy for a Russian kid.
But moving will expose you to struggle, which life is all about. Embrace it stay open and you will find friends.
Honestly, I recommend psychedelics - no other “simple fix” will be as effective in helping you spin the thread of your life. I mean, get out there and try new things, but coming to this realization through your own impetus on a trip will be much more effective than comments here your brain will inevitably dismiss in a second. Just a thought!
This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…
RE: activity This may sound crazy, but join a Crossfit gym. Look on google maps, find one that is convenient, show up, talk to the coach, and sign up for a month. Crossfit is instant community. And you will get fit and feel better about yourself while you do it. Will it solve everything? Maybe not. But there's it's SUCH a simple way to make real progress on isolation, health, and self esteem. There are a million othe…
But, with the CrossFit suggestion and this one, I think that the exercise component is just as important as the social aspects. Exercise can help just as much mentally as physically. The notion on a “runners high” is a real effect.
Being able to do it alone or in a group is also a bonus. I have run both with a club and by myself. You don’t have to wait for someone else to get started. You can join a gym or you can run outside. If you have running shoes, you can start today. (Okay, if you’re in the northeast, you might want to wait a few days…)
Another benefit to running — your coding will get better. Seriously. When you have time to stop and think more about a problem, away from the keyboard, problems get easier to solve. I’ve debugged several issues just by stopping and going for a run.
Finally the feeling of finishing a race — no matter the distance — is great. You don’t need to run in a race to get the other benefits, but it’s nice to have a goal.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm not sure how well this will be received on HN, but if you're looking for a meeting place with folks that generally skew toward more community integration / more vibrant social lives, and which doesn't require already knowing someone, I'd suggest picking up a sport. Granted, you'll have to contend with the stereotypical "bro" types, but there'll also be well-adjusted young professionals in a similar position as yo…
I recommend a Kickball league. Less “bro” types for the most part. Although to be fair, my league had this one team that everyone hated because they were super serious. But the rest of us all got along great.
I see this alot where people get stuck in a rut and then it becomes unpleasant for everyone, it could be people stuck in a marriage/relationship who stay together for any number of reasons include for the sake of the kids, in a job you dont want to do anymore, or in a location you dont want to be anymore.
Maybe go travelling, if you can work from home, whats stopping you from travelling and working at the same time provided the net access is good enough where ever you go? You only need 56K for VoIP, 2/3times that for AV comms, and mobile telecoms internet is getting better all the time.
It seems like only yesterday, I was skyping someone for an hour from a boat over the 3G network when that telecoms std appeared.
Job flexibility is key though and I'm aware many people dont have that, but if you do have that flexibility or you can create that flexibility like setting up your own business then go for it, the technology is only going to get better and cheaper making this more of a reality for people in more and more places around the world.
Have a great meal, eat an ice cream, go for a run in the park, get a massage, pedicure, have a cold shower, do all above and keep doing it regularly.
With that under control, increase your exposure to stuff and people. Attend meetups. Sign up for 10 different friend/dating site and put up profiles. Do volunteering work. Take some random day classes. The point is not to pick the right stuff, but to come in contact with more people. Maybe one of them out of 100 is someone you take liking to and that opens you up to their circle of friends.
It’s all a game of numbers.
Best of luck.
I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow, the first thing to focus on is your personal mindset and build from there: 1. Just say yes. When someone asks for anything, say yes, no matter how big or small (help them move out, look after their dog) This will put you into novel situations. 2. Show genuine interest in things. Ask why, learn more, dig deeper, k…
I’m curious. Why not learn yoga in India(from where it originated). What does Thailand have that India doesn’t?
The reason I suggest it is because of it’s role as the post-college college where you can build deep relationships and people of all ages are genuinely wanting to network specifically to build a community. They’re not doing happy hours etc. to boost their social capital, they’re in it for the long haul. Also, building relationships with people of all ages is extremely important and rewarding/fulfilling.
I agree with moving to a city or trying to tap into more social stuff. But i also find those relationships to be quite shallow. You bounce around a lot from one shallow connection to another. Dinner once/twice a month with group A. A group to play a sport with on Saturday Afternoon. Another group to do X scheduled event with on cadence Y. For me, and my wife, we found ourselves in that pattern in our 30s. She had her friend circles/silos and I had mine and then we had the a third type of circle for us as a couple. It was nearly impossible for these to overlap. Why would her floral design hobby girls be interested in attending a heavy metal concert with some of my metal head friends.
We missed having deeper friendships. We always used the example of of how when we were younger and not even necessarily coupled at the time we both had friends that just popped in our houses. Never had to be planned or for any purpose. They were always welcomed and were just a constant in our lives. Going to church helped us build those types of friendships.
I’m not even spiritual and I avoid a lot of the overly churchy parts. I do agree with the high level value/moral systems being promoted and enjoy the sermon parts. I look for the speaker who delivers nearly secular messages. It can feel like a life lesson or motivational speech that’s based on teachings of whatever book they believe in.