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Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

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Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#401

Post by dosethree »

starkd wrote: post #5
throwawaynay wrote: post #2

"they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc." So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently a good source of income, I'd advise you to go remote, travel, try digital nomadism, go to meetups, meet other tr…

Even supposedly "unattractive" or "aging" women can start to look more attractive as you get to know them. It's really amazing the transformation that can happen. So much of what is attractive is subjective. It's hard to see that when younger, but it's true. Besides, the attractiveness we associate with youth inevitably fades anyway.

we’re all just skeletons with skin sacks stretched over them

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#402

Post by anon92387493 »

anon92387493 wrote: post #133
zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

RE: activity This may sound crazy, but join a Crossfit gym. Look on google maps, find one that is convenient, show up, talk to the coach, and sign up for a month. Crossfit is instant community. And you will get fit and feel better about yourself while you do it. Will it solve everything? Maybe not. But there's it's SUCH a simple way to make real progress on isolation, health, and self esteem. There are a million othe…

@tenonyx - One important thing: start something THIS WEEK. The benefit of Crossfit, or a running club, or something like that is you can start immediately. It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be where you end. It just needs to be a start.

I remember my own phase of loneliness and isolation. I remember sitting on the couch bemoaning my fate. Day after day. The same story. Then I finally took an action that literally changed my life.

The key was that I did something RIGHT THEN, as opposed to planning to do something or thinking about why something wasn't quite right.

Go start your journey of 10,000 miles. Do it now.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#403

Post by FloNeu »

I am a dev - but it's not a dev problem really, more a mid-life crisis problem. I went through a rough patch myself during my mid-thirties... All I can say - even if you don't want to hear it - it's a you problem. If you are not pleased with the crowed you meet at the hobbies you enjoy, you may have to find something else... But well women in their 30s-40s aren't looking as lively - same with yourself, but honestly to me it felt like man have a lot harder time to become self aware of the fact they aren't what a 25 year old is looking for either... Btw younger you could have gone up and ask if you could join for a drink... We always had neighbours at parties... Much better then cops, also how I learned I am way to fucking old for that shit. (Way out for me was finding new hobbies I enjoy - a girlfriend, giving up on weed and drinking 99%, and going freelance and being very selective with the work I do and who I do it for/with, also I enjoy hanging out with old friends and their kids every once in a while)

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#405

Post by FloNeu »

tarsinge wrote: post #359
ip26 wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The more non-nerdy, the more likely you are to find non-nerdy people I'd also add the more "regular", the more likely you are to find regular people. The stereotypical events & hobbies recommended for meeting people can unsurprisingly wind up chock-full of outcast-sorts who are also looking to meet people. If you want to find a real group, and a variety of ordinary folks, you want to expressly avoid all the sort of t…

But why would you want to find regular people? Personally I had a very social life with regular people in my 20's, and in retrospect it was very superficial, and these people have become boring and having issue now making sense of their life. I am way more happier since I rediscovered and embraced nerdy hobbies in my 30's.

Upvote... I took up some new sports, but one of the things bringing me joy in my free-time is me rediscovering comic books and playing adventure games with my gf... (All the good stuff - currently monkey island series, previously toonstruck, discworld, Sam&max and all the Lucas arts stuff

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#406

Post by tootie »

austhrow743 wrote: post #250
tootie wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a 1000 similar options. Ballroom dancing, martial arts, bird watching, D&D. Most are happy to have new recruits.

I would be highly skeptical that most people in their 30s doing ballroom dancing and bird watching are normal. I know you're just making stuff up with the D&D inclusion.

Those were just example. Any big city is bound to have thousands of groups like these and you'll have to find one that fits. And even being with other lonely nerds can be stimulating enough to blunt depression enough to get you moving. If you just assume everything in the world sucks and to not even try then that's how you get lonely.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#407

Post by starkd »

chihuahua wrote: post #113
starkd wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even supposedly "unattractive" or "aging" women can start to look more attractive as you get to know them. It's really amazing the transformation that can happen. So much of what is attractive is subjective. It's hard to see that when younger, but it's true. Besides, the attractiveness we associate with youth inevitably fades anyway.

Those aging women, how dare they get older, inconveniencing OP with their existence in the same timeline.

I took the OP's comments as just being frank and honest about his attractions. Let's be real, first impressions do control us to a startling degree.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#409

Post by thelettere »

hamburglar wrote: post #280
R0b0t1 wrote: post #196

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Touting therapy as incredible effective is at least a little dishonest. I know very many people who saw no benefit from it despite great expense. Think: If you see benefit from therapy are you not more likely to keep going?

> Touting therapy as incredible effective is at least a little dishonest. I know very many people who saw no benefit from it despite great expense. When someone recommends therapy, just treat it like you would any other recommendation that doesn’t need to trigger a “that doesn’t apply universally!” response. Nobody is forcing anyone to do therapy. Many people find it helpful. Many people don’t. Still quite reasonable…

Except in this instance OP specifically mentioned therapy as advice he was not looking for. So it's odd and paternalistic if not downright rude that the #1 comment advises just that.
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