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Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

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Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#261

Post by option_greek »

czbond wrote: post #149
thrown wrote: post #83

> short guys looking for girlfriends > All the "normal" people Lol thanks. I used to have self-confidence issues because I'm short. Spent a lot of time at university feeling sorry for myself, unable to make friends or see myself as worthy of a girlfriend. Eventually realised that it's mostly in my head. I got over my self-esteem issues, went out and spoke to a stranger (ikr isn't that crazy?!) and he became my best f…

I'll add to part of your statement. I'm 5'7" and in school people told me I was short. I felt self conscious about it up until through dating. For me, what it did is made me the most confident person I know - or frankly have ever met. It made me know myself. What I've found is taller guys, generally lack strong self confidence because people defer to them without real work. I then realized most people are followers,…

Very well put. Not just tall/short but physical beauty in general tends to push or pull people with it in a particular direction (be it career/friendships/relationships). To think of it in another way, they are as much trapped with it as the person with bad looks whether they want it or not.

For many good looking people, its a big problem when the short span of these once awesome physical attributes start to reach its eventual decline. They don't have any self confidence and self worth not tied to their looks. And from then on a its a life long fight to keep looking the same through cosmetics or surgery.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#263

Post by freddie_mercury »

drunkpotato wrote: post #232
mdoms wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I often see people recommend board game groups for people like OP which is shocking to me. Take a look at the people attending these events. They're not what OP is looking for. Look for normies hobbies.

I'm not sure why you don't think board game groups are a good idea. The attendees seem like a pretty good mix of people to me. When I first moved to my current city, I joined one, and met a couple who became some of my best friends here. I never would have met them were it not for the group. I realize that not everyone will have the same experience, I just don't see why "recommend board game groups" is rejected as ba…

While there are plenty of perfectly fine boardgame groups, if you regularly read posts on the subject you'll find that a LOT of people have discovered that their local boardgame group is full of people who lack the social skills to make friends on their own to play boardgames with.

I agree with you that it isn't bad advice per se. But it should probably come with a warning that the local group might just be full of weirdos and to cut your losses if that seems to be the case.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#264

Post by ggm »

hypefi wrote: post #173
ggm wrote: post #73

Aside from other recommendations here, think about volunteering in some hands on area like a street kitchen, or outreach to homeless people. Firstly because you will gain from the physical activity and a degree of unquestioned gratitude for small acts. Secondly because contact either with or for people at the end of their rope in stronger sense of risk due to poverty will put your own concerns into focus. Not that yo…

Great advice, in the same topic, I like the quote of @naval. Either have children or become a saint, because eventually, you have to find something you love more than you love yourself.

There's a lot to be said for quakers, atheist or not. And stoicism of a kind, maybe I mean kind-stoical-atheistical-quakerism.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#266

Post by bubblethink »

justrudd wrote: post #50
tenonyx wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. I know it sounds bad, but I don't want to meet people like me. I really don't like myself right now :) I'm looking for a way out from this state, not a way to settle in. It's like you can't treat depression by hanging out with other depressed people, it'll make you worse. > Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently…

> […] I don’t want to meet people like me How do you know they’re like you? How do you know all the single guys there are just looking to hook up or find girlfriends? How do you know all the aging, unattractive women are just looking for a husband? Feels like you are projecting. To give a different perspective - I also took dance classes before COVID. I went into it with the mindset that I wanted to learn how to danc…

>Did you try meetup.com?

So this is a bit offtopic (but maybe ontopic for HN), did meetup go through some change in ownership, revenue model etc. ? I can agree with the observation that meetup.com doesn't have as many fun/cheap/random/hobby based meetups any more. Everything feels a lot more commercial compared to a few years ago. Maybe it's area specific, maybe it's COVID, maybe it's a bunch of different factors. I think you need to pay to host a meetup whereas it used to be free earlier ?

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#267

Post by gafferongames »

throw__away7391 wrote: post #254
conductr wrote: post #230

While perhaps a loaded suggestion, if you have the tolerance for it, I’d suggest attending a church. You can utilize the social aspect without fully committing to the spiritual aspects. The reason I suggest it is because of it’s role as the post-college college where you can build deep relationships and people of all ages are genuinely wanting to network specifically to build a community. They’re not doing happy hour…

This truly is terrible advice. The worst thing that could happen would be your life gets wrapped into a religious community. This is why people of seeming average intelligence stay in churches. Everyone is pretending to believe the nonsense because if anyone admits (often even just to themselves) just how stupid it is, poof goes their friends, community, perhaps even their marriage. > I’m not even spiritual and I avo…

I'm an atheist or at best agnostic, but I've met and known many highly intelligent people who are also religious. It's not mutually exclusive.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#269

Post by austhrow743 »

tenonyx wrote: post #13
throwawaynay wrote: post #2

"they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc." So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently a good source of income, I'd advise you to go remote, travel, try digital nomadism, go to meetups, meet other tr…

> So...people like you? you sound really judgemental man. I know it sounds bad, but I don't want to meet people like me. I really don't like myself right now :) I'm looking for a way out from this state, not a way to settle in. It's like you can't treat depression by hanging out with other depressed people, it'll make you worse. > Since you have no friends(so nothing to hold you where you are, right?), and apparently…

I had to leave at the start of covid because my income source was at risk and I would have been leaving in 2020 anyway, but as far as I can tell the majority of people I knew working remotely in Bali are still there or if not have just moved on to somewhere new and exciting.

In general young fun people have done their best to keep having fun despite anti covid restrictions, with the boring, depressed inside loners being the ones demanding everyone stay boring and depressed inside. You're going to find it hard to fit in with people different from you if you're going to be coming to them with values that go against their existence.

Developers were a minority. Hell, people with jobs were a minority.

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