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Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

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Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#161

Post by akomtu »

kinnth wrote: post #67

I have often been told im good at making friends and I think you can make them anytime, anywhere, anyhow, the first thing to focus on is your personal mindset and build from there: 1. Just say yes. When someone asks for anything, say yes, no matter how big or small (help them move out, look after their dog) This will put you into novel situations. 2. Show genuine interest in things. Ask why, learn more, dig deeper, k…

> not for a career but for a disciplined adventure that will deeply enrich me

This reads like that scene from Dunder Mifflin company when the temp CEO was leaving.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#162

Post by user_7832 »

ekianjo wrote: post #51
zanzibar735 wrote: post #28

This is extremely common. In their 30s, people get married, have kids, and move to the suburbs. Finding and keeping friends in your 30s is quite a challenge. Some tips: - move to a city - things are much much easier in a city as people are more transient, groups aren't as established, and new people arrive all the time - it sounds like you have some friends - ask them if they have any friends in your area you should…

you dont give a depression diagnostic based on comments on the internet. and asking oneself questions about their future is not a sign of illness, its what conscious beings usually do.

To add on to this on a somewhat tangential note, it's important to understand that there are other conditions that can also cause "depression-like" symptoms. Are you extremely disorganized, forever late, super messy and procrastinate all the time leading to disappointment with yourself and a general feeling of unhappiness due to missed potential? Congrats, (some of) those are classic AD(H)D symptoms. Autism can be mistaken for ADHD. ADHD can be mistaken for BPD. (And of course ADHD can be mistaken for depression).

It's important to understand the possibilities. Fortunately today with the internet it's easy to search for symptoms and go to a doctor, and I'd highly recommend that to OP and anyone else who thinks they might need it.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#163

Post by sigstoat »

> In case someone has any advice beyond finding a hobby, going to therapy, approaching random strangers

did you try those things? they're common advice for a reason.

> I tried to meet new people at hobbies and dance lessons, but guess what - they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc.

...are those people not worthy of meeting?

> Finding friends in my teens and 20s was as easy as going out literally anywhere.

what happened to those friends? what about contacting them?

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#164

Post by darkerside »

tenonyx wrote: post #24
darkerside wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Work on yourself first, buddy. Learn to be happy, then people will naturally enter your life and stick around.

That's how it worked in the past! That's what I want to achieve. But there are no people who could enter, at least not in this isolated job.

Have you watched Harold and Maude? I'm not sure what you're expecting friendship to look like and how much you're expecting to get out of it, but maybe try to lower your expectations of others. Think about what you can do for other people, and less about what you need from someone else.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#166

Post by yes_really »

> I tried to meet new people at hobbies and dance lessons, but guess what - they're all full of lonely developers and other socially awkward people - short guys looking for girlfriends, unattractive/aging women looking for husbands, etc.

So what? Lonely developers can't be good friends? Short guys looking for girlfriends can't be good friends?

Sounds like they would solve your loneliness problem but you are too judgemental to accept them

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#167

Post by sagarpatil »

There are 2 things I’d like to add which helped me. YMMV.

1. When I was in my late 20’s, I would meet my existing friends and try to hang out with their social groups. It helped me make a lot of really good friends.

2. Sports: If you are interested in a sport, try and see if there are local clubs where you can play. If you become an active member, they will call you to hang our with their group, where you can make more friends.

Re: Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

#168

Post by wly_cdgr »

Move towards a tech job that connects you with communities of artists, musicians, and/or fashion people. Those crowds party well into middle age and the vibe is very much make-friends-wherever-you-go. For example: https://www.elumenati.com/, https://cycling74.com/, https://www.recurse.com/, https://tisch.nyu.edu/itp, etc

The money you'll have from still working on the tech side will allow you to bail out easily into suburbia if you ever do develop a taste for it

Games could be a good option too - small/medium studios full of people who are really passionate about what they do, like Klei, Supergiant, Private Division, etc. Might be too nerdy of a crowd for your taste, but you might be pleasantly surprised too

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