Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

Become a digital nomad.

In "stable" cities and contexts, people have established social groups that can be hard to "break in" to.

It's much easier to make friends as a nomad, because everyone is in a state of constant flux. This also means that a lot of friends will come and go, but you can always make new ones.

Check out this website[1] for a list of places you could move to that have thriving nomad communities.

[1] https://nomadlist.com/

At least you had fun in college. I tried so hard to get into the dating/hookup scene and have the experiences I was supposed to but nobody wanted me because a slightly overweight computer science student with the wrong hobbies just isn't good enough. 0 dates all of college, and I was never picky about women being "unattractive" or "aging" like you apparently get to be. It gave me such a bitterness I haven't tried again in the ~5 years it's been since graduating. I make great money but it's no consolation for such a profound rejection, more like I asked a monkey's paw for success. Even if I find someone I'll still always look back and shake my fist at what happened.

We get takeout a good amount ourselves but I do try to cook at least twice a week (sometimes more, also not including making salads or breakfast).

When I was single I would just cook some meat on a stovetop with some sautéed vegetables, cook frozen pizzas, or make basic sandwiches or burritos, but my wife (who I started dating in my mid 30s, btw) insists on cooked food when we don't do takeout, so over time we've built up some go-to recipes that aren't hard to make (although a bit time-consuming sometimes because of chopping veggies and slicing/browning chicken), maybe you'll find them useful.

For equipment, consider getting an instant pot for sure, and then maybe eventually a slow cooker, a deep square pan for the stove (that can hold a 3-4 servings of a meal), a nice sturdy spatula (or 3) like the Joseph Joseph Uni-Tool 5-in-1, and a vegetable chopper (to make dicing onions, green peppers, and celery super fast).

Chicken fajitas are pretty easy. Slice some onions and yellow peppers length-wise, cut chicken breasts into strips, mix together a few spices (can make a big batch of the spice mix ahead of time and store in another spice bottle to make it quicker next time).

Put the chicken and veggies in a casserole dish or sheet pan, drizzle oil and the spread out the spices, then bake it at 400 degrees for about 35 minutes, serve with tortillas, shredded cheese, salsa, and anything else you would put on them.

https://www.budgetbytes.com/oven-fajitas/

Chili is another one that you can just toss several ingredients into a slow cooker in the morning, and by evening it'll be ready for dinner and last a few days. Basically dump some cans of beans (rinse first), diced tomatoes, tomato sauce, and beef broth, then a diced onion, meat, chili powder and other spices, then maybe experiment a bit.

https://natashaskitchen.com/slow-cooker-chili-recipe/

A few other recipes we do fairly often that are hard to get wrong even if your measurements aren't exact:

https://emilybites.com/2015/10/spicy-taco-gnocchi-skillet.ht...

https://www.skinnytaste.com/lasagna-soup/

https://www.graceandgoodeats.com/skillet-enchilada-rice/

https://www.thisisnotdietfood.com/instant-pot-cheesy-buffalo...

https://www.eatingonadime.com/instant-pot-chicken-and-dumpli...

https://cafedelites.com/cajun-butter-steak-bites/ (we mix them in with some cooked egg noodles)

https://lexiscleankitchen.com/crock-pot-stuffed-pepper-soup/

Good luck! I was in a similar position a few years ago but now I'm glad I found some recipes we can cook that offer something different from what's easily accessible from nearby restaurants sometimes, to add a bit more variety.

Making friendships is actually easier when you are enjoying something you like to do. I recently got back into scuba diving in the last few years (used to do it a lot years ago) and I've met a number of people in the community. A lot of acquaintances, some friendships along the way, but it's great practice for learning to establish a community around yourself. You'll find that making friends is easier when you frequent a community you actually like being apart of.

In all honesty, that feeling of isolation (i think) has a lot to do with just feeling bored because you've got nothing you want to do or anyone to do that with. Expand your peripheral a bit, figure out what makes you excited, try new things, (yes take a class). If you really liked dancing - like a lot - then yea you might make friends there if you decide to take enough classes idk.

When I got back into diving I found multiple avenues for opportunities to make friends. One - the dives themself are typically always with other people, two the planned trips together, three the classes themselves, four honing your own skills and learning how to become an instructor..etc.

I've known friends who got really into rebuilding cars, jeeps, motorcycles..etc for instance that they became regulars at certain places, groups or meetups that you make friends that way. Or others who are really into d&d, cosplay, and loads of other geeky stuff. It's a preference thing of what you like to do and whether other people like to do that too. Like a child who just wants someone to play with. It's innate.

Personally I'm a bit biased towards doing hobbies that involve being outside and doing something physical. Too much time in front of a computer staring a code all day - I need to do something else sometimes. Helps to talk to other people when you're working on some other skill set - you learn from others and you get to meet cool people. However, I've also just enjoyed playing card games and setting up movie nights - just having something you like doing together with other people - whether that's a group of friends or your wife and kids (for the parents/married group)

Of course, finding a hobby and approaching random strangers is the only way to find new things to do and new people.

But maybe consider some part time, low responsibility, public facing job. Don't worry about the pay, that's not the idea. Something that will put you in front of people to talk to.