Ask HN: At a peak of my dev career, I hate my life

Without going into much detail about my personal life, go travel. If you travel alone you will force yourself to meet new people. I'm doing this rn and it's going great.

I'm only leaving this comment cause it's the second time I see someone complaining about this. I'm a dev, also in my 30, single and looking... If you have the opportunity to travel (working remotely) book a nice hotel and go travel.

Aside from other recommendations here, think about volunteering in some hands on area like a street kitchen, or outreach to homeless people. Firstly because you will gain from the physical activity and a degree of unquestioned gratitude for small acts.

Secondly because contact either with or for people at the end of their rope in stronger sense of risk due to poverty will put your own concerns into focus. Not that you aren't unhappy, but that your unhappiness has relativity to other people's problems.

Thirdly because you'll be meeting interesting people of all kinds.

Fourthly because they need the help. So even if you don't secure the benefits I propose, at least they will, despite your unhappiness.

It's wrong to diagnose online, and I'm not an MD but your comments could suggest one of the anxiety-depression spectrum of problems which are treatable, and non drug regimes like CBT are surprisingly effective. Be the best kindest person you can be and you may find this alienation and dissatisfaction eases. Seek professional help.

Btw this kind of volunteer work is hard. Dirty. Confronting and may make you feel worse. Nothing is perfect.

If you happen to be in ATX - I've started hosting "indie" meetups for techies/ makers/ hackers where we meet and chat about life. Folks who are into tech and have ideas / or want to break free from the 9-to-5 routine are the majority of the crowd. The goal is develop more "real" connections than co-workers and hopefully from there some might turn into friendships. If anyone is interested the next meetup is posted up [1], just show up I guess so far the age-group is mid-20s to mid-30s! If you're in a different area, there might be a meetup for your location...but it's not run by me so I can't guarantee what that's like.

[1] https://www.indiehackers.com/meetups

Pfft, no, obviously everyone is tall, handsome and getting laid.

Are you kidding?

Instead of the usual advice of taking-up hobbies, I think what's more interesting to talk about:

1. What is the definition of fun?

  - I imagine for most introverts, a loud party and getting drunk is not our definition of fun.

2. Is there a causal relationship between a Dev Career and social isolation?

  - Most dev work is working in isolation and for introverts this is a blessing, but for extroverts this can be depressing. But is this true all the time? or is this just because of the pandemic? Is this true for all dev jobs or maybe it depends on the company? Is being a software developer and an extrovert inherently incompatible?

3. What makes a person attractive to hang-out with?

  - What makes other lonely developers unattractive to hang-out with? Is it because they're introverted? Other lonely developers are more likely to be intelligent, friendly, have financial resources, etc.. even if socially awkward.

4. What's the end goal?

  - Is it just to party together, have adventures and potentially meet attractive women? Or is it to build lasting relationships and meet a person to settle down with?

It's interesting to me because I usually find guys who want to party to be annoying and un-interesting but maybe that's just because I'm introverted and/or boring. I'd probably find other lonely developers to be much more interesting people than people that like to party.