Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life • Hacker News Board

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#91

Post by Mali- » Sat, Jan 15, 2022, 6:52 PM UTC

fristechill wrote: post #68

I think a major problem with the self-improvement books I've read is their emphasis on habits. Depending on where you are, a positive habit may be useful for getting you out of a hole but ultimately consciousness is not about acting or reacting stereotypically. It's about having the option to do things differently. Consciousness, or self-awareness, is the real key to improvement, and it's actually an anti- habit. e.g…

Experiencing something repeatedly and feeling the need to keep doing it sounds an awful lot like a habit. I think the idea that you've developed some absolute control through consciousness is the final stage of a habit. You go from forcing yourself to go to running practise weekly, to internalising that you are a runner and nothing could stop you from going.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#92

Post by [deleted] » Sat, Jan 15, 2022, 7:01 PM UTC

noduerme wrote: post #60

ibn-python wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow you described exactly what I'm starting to feel in my late 20s. Especially the point about neurotic feedback loops.

Don't be like this person. Literally, throw away all the video game machines you own and take an extremely long walk in Tibet if needed. This is a cautionary signal. If you relate to this, you're going to throw your life away. I was responding to a sub-thread but it got deleted before I could finish. This is what I think about this: Someone said: >> it could be hurtful to people to attempt to archive by getting sucke…

[deleted]

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#93

Post by j991 » Sat, Jan 15, 2022, 7:04 PM UTC

noduerme wrote: post #52

I made it two weeks without drinking more than a half bottle of wine a night. Then I finished my project and now, yeah. Fuck it. And fuck the bbc and the guardian as well. They just contribute to the general feeling of everything you could possibly think of having already been controlled for. We're living in a desperate state, ladies and gentlemen. Almost all of our autonomy has been taken away. You can't travel to a…

I feel you. It's been a very hard 2 years, and it's easy to get angry at a variety of people or institutions that seem to be, or are, responsible for it. And I've done more than my share of drinking, too.

What has helped me is to first, try to be compassionate to those around me.

And second, it's a little weird, but I try to wish others well and feel compassionate towards them, even those who are far away and who I haven't met. It would be like "praying" for their well-being, even though I'm an atheist and don't think there's anything mystical about it. But if I do it for others, then I have a rational basis for thinking someone else might be doing it for me.

People who are striving for self-improvement are just trying to get some control of their out-of-control lives. It's just one of many possible coping mechanisms.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#94

Post by dasil003 » Sat, Jan 15, 2022, 7:29 PM UTC

noduerme wrote: post #53

dasil003 wrote: post #9

This article resonates with me, but I don't think it would have when I was in my twenties. It's the kind of thing you come to realize after longer years as an adult and you see patterns play out in radically different life contexts, and then you start to grok who you really are in ways that aren't available when you've been an adult for less time then you were a child. What I've learned about procrastination and esca…

No, that's just called learning how to socialize when you're semi-autistic. It's not and shouldn't be a rallying cry for people who can't/never get their shit together.

You're reading a lot into my comment that has nothing to do with what I'm saying, and you're doing an obscene amount of reductive generalization of "people who can't get their shit together". FWIW I am very successful personally and professionally, I was just trying to be honest that my internal landscape is not always perfect and it turns out that's not a showstopper or something I need to beat myself up about.

If you feel that's empowering losers or whatever, feel free to continue your judgement of them. I am not here to tell anyone what will work for them, we're all individuals so YMMV.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#95

Post by civilized » Sat, Jan 15, 2022, 7:39 PM UTC

noduerme wrote: post #60

ibn-python wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow you described exactly what I'm starting to feel in my late 20s. Especially the point about neurotic feedback loops.

Don't be like this person. Literally, throw away all the video game machines you own and take an extremely long walk in Tibet if needed. This is a cautionary signal. If you relate to this, you're going to throw your life away. I was responding to a sub-thread but it got deleted before I could finish. This is what I think about this: Someone said: >> it could be hurtful to people to attempt to archive by getting sucke…

Long walk in Tibet. Sure, that's one option.

Personally, I got married and had kids. It's great. Has been for over a decade.

Never needed any far-flung travel plans or ayahuasca or Eastern religious philosophy.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#96

Post by fristechill » Sat, Jan 15, 2022, 8:37 PM UTC

Mali- wrote: post #91

fristechill wrote: post #68

I think a major problem with the self-improvement books I've read is their emphasis on habits. Depending on where you are, a positive habit may be useful for getting you out of a hole but ultimately consciousness is not about acting or reacting stereotypically. It's about having the option to do things differently. Consciousness, or self-awareness, is the real key to improvement, and it's actually an anti- habit. e.g…

Experiencing something repeatedly and feeling the need to keep doing it sounds an awful lot like a habit. I think the idea that you've developed some absolute control through consciousness is the final stage of a habit. You go from forcing yourself to go to running practise weekly, to internalising that you are a runner and nothing could stop you from going.

By all means call it a habit if you wish but do distinguish it from a bad habit which I would define as something which makes you feel good without actually being good for you.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#97

Post by machinelearning » Sun, Jan 16, 2022, 12:11 AM UTC

solatic wrote: post #88

machinelearning wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Moving outside of your comfort zone is not inherently painful. Sure it may be uncomfortable or scary but it certainly doesn't imply trauma. I interpreted OP's comments as trauma being the causative factor for change to occur, not that change results in trauma. "Fully accepting the costs and risks needed to get there" sounds like you're preparing for a hike to the antarctic or something. Not all changes have to be thi…

> "Fully accepting the costs and risks needed to get there" sounds like you're preparing for a hike to the antarctic or something. Not all changes have to be this dire. Deciding to get fit is not really a sacrifice. Rather, it is turning certain disciplines into habits. I think you're downplaying what it's like for many people to start making fitness a larger part of their life. It might as well be a hike to the anta…

Unless you have legitimate health issues that make exercise painful, the anticipated cost is a greater than the actual cost.

It is still unrealistic to say that they are “very very high” though. The main barriers imo are not the perceived cost of exercise but the lack of perceived benefits. Certainly a health scare can make exercise seem more appealing.

The benefits of exercise are only seen over time. In the short term, the benefits may not outweigh the efforts so those seeking instant gratification will find it difficult to justify expending the effort. I don’t think it’s the costs being “very very high” that prevent most people from exercising.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#98

Post by srg0 » Sun, Jan 16, 2022, 10:11 AM UTC

I love the title photo. It really resonates with me. As for the topic of the article, what encorages me personally are two ideas. First, I believe that "me" is not actually something permanent. It cannot be used as a reference. It loses and acquires traits all the time. "Me" from a ten years ago is a different person. Second, we are what we do. So the moment I start doing or pursue something worthwhile, I already enjoy the different "me" and the sense of accomplishment. This immediate positive feedback boosts my self-motivation.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#99

Post by obruchez » Sun, Jan 16, 2022, 2:59 PM UTC

timmb wrote: post #42

I blitzed through the author’s book 4000 Weeks (on audiobook) earlier this week and it was excellent. It addresses many of the objections to commenters here better than might fit into the Guardian article. One of the main points I took from it is that a failure to acknowledge your limits can actually undermine what you’re trying to achieve. For example, deferring the things that truly matter to you (personal projects…

> Work hard towards your goals but remember to enjoy that journey.

Milan Kundera had something similar to say about this in his novel "Immortality" (1990). There's a difference between a road (used to go from point A to point B, e.g. a highway) and a path (inviting to self-reflection, philosophy, and mindfulness). Most people live their lives going from point A to point B to point C, etc. Spoiler alert: don't think you're immortal. Be mindful. Enjoy the path.