111–120 of 208 posts
Then the fun will pop up in unexpected places.
Alcohol give use the pleasure of accomplishment without doing work, look if you need a big goal to give you direction in life.
Do you have a career plan, house, wife, kids ? At your age it’s time to get started.
Changing my peer group was the most important thing. Hanging out with people who drink at places where drinking is the main activity is not a good way to stop drinking.
Travelling was a great way for me to find other likeminded people. I moved to SEA where I found lots of people who weren’t drinking.
Once you have friends who aren’t alcoholics, you can start doing non-drinking things for fun. Hiking, riding motorcycles, jamming on instruments, talking about philosophy, fishing, writing code… Anything that you would consider fun.
Partying is also possible without booze, but the event has to be one that’s less drinking oriented. Typically, venues are making most of their revenue from alcohol sales, so it’s not easy to find the right one. But there are still some underground electronic music events, raves or even Sunday morning ecstatic dances, etc.
If you want to use substances, I found that mushrooms at the dose of around 0.5-1g are a safe option for some social fun time. But be sure to do your research and experiment in a safe setting first.
Bring a friend, talk, enjoy the views, bring headphones/speaker to listen to music/podcast/audiobook. The US is full of awesome trails and parks. The great thing about a hike is you can go for as long as you want or you can set a goal of reaching certain distances or destinations. Being outside is a great way to take a breath, get some fresh air & sunshine, and even meet other people on the trail (if they're willing to talk - I find people are super friendly on trails 90% of the time). After enough small hikes you'll probably want to take longer hikes, spend the night on the trail, and see grand views. This is motivation to plan a fun trip somewhere - most everyone wants to take a cool trip in nature!
Any outdoor activity really is great. Sports or even more leisurely activities such as kite flying, carving, gardening, all present great options.
If stuck indoors, invite people over and cook for them. Tell them you'll provide the food if they provide the company. Cooking is great because it involves creativity, planning, activity, and a tangible final result that can be eaten.
Reading is lovely - become okay with being by yourself, or start a book club where you either meet to discuss or read aloud to one another/listen to an audiobook. Do a puzzle, coloring pages, or something else with your hands while listening to an audiobook.
I mostly do gaming, solo or with my friends, spend my time with girlfriend doing all sort of stuff, or spend time with friends or family.
Also have 3 cats and I have a lot of fun playing with them.
This may sound a non-sequitur, but the straightest answer is, the same way I have fun without Cocaine, or Diamonds, or Cigarettes, or Thongs, or Graphene or a Learjet or... any number of random things and chemicals. I don't mean that flippantly, I just mean it succinctly and bluntly: I live my life and do things. Alcohol is simply not a precursor or requirement for me to do any of the things I enjoy - Video Games, Board Games, Card Games, Car Rallying/Racing, Photography, Guitar, Synthesizers, reading, chatting with friends, dinners, watching TV/Movies, walking through the city, flying, astronomy, traveling, eating, and doing any number of pointless and nerdy things with various computing devices around :D
FWIW I'm also an "introvert with social skills" in the sense that contact with groups of people, even friends, eventually drains me of energy; and I'm particularly uncomfortable in new situations with large number of strangers; but alcohol has never been the stereotypical solution there either - it makes me tighten up and grasp for control rather than loosen. Therefore, I occasionally drink WHEN I'm relaxed, not TO relax.
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Deeper answer to what I think is your underlying ask:
Honestly - list or find things you enjoy doing; and find people who enjoy doing them but don't see alcohol as some mandatory precursor to enjoying them. It sounds like you may be surrounded by people for whom alcohol is means, method AND goal, so they may not be able to support you in finding fun and enjoyment in activities without alcohol. COVID makes it harder to find in-person groups, but historically things as cheesy as Meetup or a local shop that supports activities - be it a sports shop that has rock climbing nights or a comic shop that has magic the gathering nights or WHATEVER - and try to do some interesting sounding things that don't involve alcohol. It's both devilishly hard if you have an addiction, and extremely easy if / once you don't.
You don't necessarily need to break ties and never see your group of friends again; but it sounds like you would benefit from a supportive group that can have fun without alcohol and show you how to have fun without alcohol, better than us on the interwebs can convince you :). Depending on how deep your enjoyment of alcohol is though, you may need additional formal or informal help - it's great you have a goal, don't underestimate the challenges that may lie in front of you, Good luck! <3
Earlier quoted context omitted.
>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…
The OP stated they are an alcoholic. You don’t tell an addict, “hey, just stop doing drugs!” You have to change the environment.