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Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#71

Post by johnsonap »

thepasswordis wrote: post #61

Do fun things that don't require alcohol? Go cycling, rafting, build stuff, etc. One way I've participated in many large parties and events is by "working" them. So if I'm running around with heavy equipment or driving things or doing something I can't do while drinking, then I won't drink. I think people end up drinking because the activities they're doing are kindof boring. Sitting in a bar is pretty boring, board…

Came here to say this, spend time outside or find a hobby!

> I think people end up drinking because the activities they're doing are kindof boring. Sitting in a bar is pretty boring, board games are extremely boring.

I think your underlying point of, "If you're doing things you don't like or enjoy, alcohol might make them seem more fun" is spot on. I think board games are fun with or without alcohol. The key is to find things that you enjoy doing.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#72

Post by bluefirebrand »

thepasswordis wrote: post #63
bluefirebrand wrote: post #26

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

OP explicitly calls his friends (and himself) an alcoholic. That implies a different dynamic than simply a group of friends who goes out and has a couple of drinks.

Finding a new group of friends in that sort of situation is absolutely the correct move. Addicts do not let other addicts quit.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#73

Post by oneplane »

geocrasher wrote: post #27
danuker wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Possible step 5: integrate old friends one by one into your new circle, saving them from alcoholism

Sorry, but no. Cutting ties is more important. If you look at any 12 step program, leaving the old life behind is vital. They need to find their own way. EDIT: I should have said "most recovery programs" rather than specifying 12 step. Please ignore the 12 step part and realize that I'm advising staying away from the people who are part of the OP's problem.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/the-surpr...

12 step programs are a lie, they just isolate people, make them annihilate themselves all for the purpose of then assuming a higher power has to save them from themselves, after which they either fail or become converted to the religion that hosts the current incarnation of the program.

There is a minority of modified programs that don't do that, but the classic one is not that.

That said, if it 'works' for someone that's great, but if it is just replacing one thing with another, it's just a sidestep and not an improvement (except for bystanders who only 'see' things as a third party and because it 'looks' better they think it therefore must be better).

In addition, removing the source of the problem (i.e. friends that cause you to drink) can help, but not as a universal solution. If people have such a degree of control over your actions, it's going to be more than just the friends that drink that can cause the problem.

There are however, a whole lot of other options that are not religious conversion that have good (and measurable) results. As soon as someone recognises they have a problem they need help solving and actually want to solve it, that's when you can actually get somewhere.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#75

Post by glitchc »

This requires some soul-searching. The real question is: What is it about alcohol that lets you have fun? How do you define "fun"? Often people use fun as a euphemism for behaving poorly, using alcohol as the crutch: "I was drunk! Of course I didn't know what I was doing!"

Is this your excuse too? If not, then why do you drink? What is the rationale?

I only ask because I've walked the same path and came to some startling conclusions about myself. Since then, I stopped drinking with friends and will only drink with people I trust.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#76

Post by ljm »

I suppose it depends what you mean by alcoholic, or perhaps to what extent. And what aspect of that you consider to be fun.

Is it that your social life primarily revolves around partying, going to bars and clubs, etc, and you haven't really socialised with friends in a different way because that's just how you get together?

Or is it that it's impossible to feel entertained unless you're drunk?

I think the answers for either of those scenarios will be quite different, but the one thing in common is to understand what specific needs need the alcohol is satisfying (in addition to the 'fun'), so that you can explore alternatives.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#77

Post by clintonb »

thepasswordis wrote: post #63
bluefirebrand wrote: post #26

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

The OP stated they are an alcoholic. You don’t tell an addict, “hey, just stop doing drugs!” You have to change the environment.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#78

Post by soneca »

I don’t drink, I never did. In my twenties I would go out with friends that drunk a lot and had fun all the same. The thing is that I am not shy and I would engage in their drunk shenanigans on their level (while keeping an eye if things weren’t getting out of control, like fights and such). Shouting singing, silly jokes, emotional outbursts, spontaneous decisions to go somewhere, I would always follow their lead empathically. I would put myself in their mood and not make myself as the only “sane and rational” one in the room with superiority.

Sure, I was not always in the mood for that, and I would do something else alone or with other people, and I was ok with that. But I when I went out with them for a drink, I knew I would have to be in that mood.

I have the impression that in the US it takes some effort to say you are not judging people who drink when you say you do not drink. That you are not putting yourself as not part of their tribe. The peer pressure seems to be higher. For me this came naturally, as we were friends from other environments not only bars. We would all hang out sober as well.

If you never ever hang out sober, that might the signal of a problem. A drinking problem for them or a relationship problem for all. If you can’t have a good time at all at moments without alcohol, maybe the friendship is not a good fit for any involved and alcohol is just masking this.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#79

Post by bluefirebrand »

donohoe wrote: post #54
geocrasher wrote: post #10

1) STOP DRINKING IT 2) Get new friends (seriously). If you continue to associate with the same friends, you'll have the same problem and point of view. 3) Let yourself go through the withdrawal of the "fun" 4) Get on with life, figure out what you consider without including alcohol.

I think you're skipping over his actual question: "How do you have fun without alcohol?"

Not really. The answer is "be around people who are having fun without alcohol"

Being sober and being around drunks is never really all that fun, imo.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#80

Post by antux »

Alcohol is liquid courage for people to behave in ways they wish they could if they weren't socially anxious and neurotic. It doesn't cure social anxiety at all, and the "courage" is only ephemeral.

Having fun without alcohol requires you to challenge your social anxiety and express the opinions and thoughts you're holding back. It's this suppression that's causing you to not have fun. Just express it, don't suppress it.

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