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Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#91
It's harder when you're in your early 20's. The breakthrough of 21 and the exuberance of the freedom of being allowed to buy alcohol and go to bars tends to overshadow everything else in the life of our lives when we're that age in America and a lot of us fall into a bit of a social trap to keep on drinking out of fear of being ostracized.

First to know, you won't be alone. There are groups to reach out to, if you want... but you don't have to. A lot can be done online. Virtual chats sometimes make people more comfortable, should you want to go that route - if you think you're an actual alcoholic and not an "alcoholic" (if that distinction makes sense).

Second, as has been suggested, you need to get a new hang out crowd. You're hanging out with a bunch of people who center around drinking. I've done it, and I drank - and I didn't even like drinking that much; was never that good at it. The hangovers were BRUTAL. I just drink diet cokes now, when I hang out with people who are drinking. I'm not an alcoholic, I just don't like drinking =/ It's poison to a lot of people for a lot of reasons.

As for meeting people, I'd suggest (and this might be a HORRIBLE idea - I'm older, so translate it into 23) get on a dating app and put in your profile that you don't drink and would like someone who doesn't want to drink. Then, when you have one other person, the two of you can find another person or two who don't drunk, and so on and so forth. Chip away at the problem and build up a friend group, one or two people at a time, just like you would solve a coding problem.

In reading my answer, I may know why I only have a few very good, very nerdy friends =)

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The OP stated they are an alcoholic. You don’t tell an addict, “hey, just stop doing drugs!” You have to change the environment.

No they didn't?

“Me and all my friends are alcoholic” is a bit ambiguous.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#93

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

Nobody said alienating anyone. "You need a new group of friends" doesn't mean OP can't still be friends with the people he already knows. But if they want to do things that their current friend group just isn't interested in (Having fun without alcohol), then he needs to find new people to do that with.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#94

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

> You need a new group of friends, firstly.

This is really good advice. You'll never be able to give up a bad habit or an addiction so long as the people around you are caught up in the same thing.

For years I was unable to quit smoking, in part because the folks I hung out with and the people I dated were all smokers. I moved to a different city, started hanging out with non smokers and was able to quit in a few months.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#95
In San Francisco and the Bay Area there's been a recent trend towards dessert cafes. These are a great alternative to bars for social meetups with people.

Any social activity where you get to do stuff with people us good. I like the following:

- Hikes, or outdoor exploration generally

- Renting kayaks (also a really Covid safe social activity)

- Checking out weird quirky museums - see my notes on https://wwww.niche-museums.com

- Going to things like the Alameda antiques fair

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#96

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

Respectfully disagree. The best thing you can do to make meaningful personal change is to change your environment. This is pretty universal advice for people dealing with (either in themselves or others) abuse, addiction, etc.

If people are drinking, it’s often in places catered to drinking as well, leaving not many other options. Being sober in those places is, frankly, boring.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The OP stated they are an alcoholic. You don’t tell an addict, “hey, just stop doing drugs!” You have to change the environment.

No they didn't?

"I'm 23, me and all my friends are alcoholic"

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#98
Been looking for solutions to replace alcohol to have fun but I couldn't.

Without knowing what you've tried and why it didn't work no one can really give you any effective advice. They might just be suggesting approaches you've tried and not succeeded with.

Talk to a pro (your doctor, a therapist, an addiction counsellor, etc).

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#100

You need a new group of friends, firstly. It sucks to say, but people who need to drink to have fun will always drag you along that path. It doesn't matter if it's a night on the town, or a board game night, they will always want booze around. Also, they will probably pressure you to drink, because that's what gives them permission to. So find new people who don't drink. Do the normal things you would do, but without…

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

Don't alienate yourself. Just diversify your friend investments. That's often a good idea anyway. You don't want one life event of one societal change to make your entire social support system come crumbling down.
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