Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#81

Post by teekert » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:40 PM UTC

Being young (like you) I drank, but never a lot, for fun, during parties. Kids came, drinking now means pain, poor sleep, disappointed family. I don't like it anymore.

How do I have fun (with friends) now? Activities! Mountain biking, Hiking, Watching a movie (yeah we have some beers), DnD, roller skating, go for a weekend into the mountains, 4x4 driving... Etc.

When I was 23 I also had 2 groups of friends, drinkers indeed, but also the sporty types, we did many things, snowboarding, swimming, walking on the beach during the night. Always something challenging. That was a nice group, I wish for my kids (and you!) to find similar groups.

Maybe find new friends, these ones will drag you down, hold you back. Find a team sport? Easier said than done, I never did it consciously, my sporty group of friends formed spontaneously because we were the only guys doing gymnastics (ironically not a team sport), we stuck together though and now, after 30 years (and I quite gymnastics some 10 years ago) they are still close friends who do sporty things together. But we also like a beer or 2.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#82

Post by mmaunder » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:41 PM UTC

Find new friends. Move. Change schools. Do whatever you need to or nothing will change. You’re a small tribe that has defined yourselves through a drinking lifestyle. You’re reinforcing each other’s behavior and that will continue indefinitely unless you break away from the tribe.

Trust me I’ve been there in Cape Town (was in a grunge band) and London (hard working hard partying tech crowd). I had ambitions to sit in a room and code and couldn’t do that because I was surrounded by party animals all the time and could not get away from them. I eventually met a girl who was intensely cerebral, smart and hard working, and she inspired and enables me to focus on being a geek. We left London together, moved to the States and built several startups together. We run a 40 person cybersecurity company these days that’s quite well known. I’m ceo and she’s COO and CFO and still smarter and harder working than me. We’re also married and still very much in love.

I’m still in touch with many of my old buddies and some of them also made something of their lives. One who I chatted to this morning runs a big software business and is also a very famous musician. Others went off the rails, ended up in rehab and in some cases found religion which seems to have helped.

What I’ve discovered is that life is very short, if you are smart and capable and apply yourself it can provide amazing experiences far beyond what alcohol or drugs can provide, and if you blink you’ll miss out on those opportunities. There are many other people out there living lives with their eyes wide open who you’ll have incredible experiences with if you break your current cycle.

Find new friends.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#83

Post by rkk3 » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:41 PM UTC

bluefirebrand wrote: post #72

thepasswordis wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

OP explicitly calls his friends (and himself) an alcoholic. That implies a different dynamic than simply a group of friends who goes out and has a couple of drinks. Finding a new group of friends in that sort of situation is absolutely the correct move. Addicts do not let other addicts quit.

It's probably more likely that OP is throwing around the term without a true appreciation for its meaning. Me and my friends get stupid drunk when were together on the weekend and I want to do other activities is very different than me and my friends all have 10+ drinks a day (top 10% of adult consumption).

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#84

Post by thepasswordis » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:42 PM UTC

bluefirebrand wrote: post #72

thepasswordis wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

OP explicitly calls his friends (and himself) an alcoholic. That implies a different dynamic than simply a group of friends who goes out and has a couple of drinks. Finding a new group of friends in that sort of situation is absolutely the correct move. Addicts do not let other addicts quit.

OP said "all my friends are alcoholic" not "all my friends are alcoholics".

I read that as: all of my friends drink alcohol, not all of my friends are addicted to alcohol.

If OP and all of his friends are alcohol addicted, then yeah: that's a medical problem and my advice doesn't apply, which I already said.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#85

Post by darksaints » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:42 PM UTC

A huge reason why some people can't have fun without alcohol is because they suffer from anxiety problems that disappear temporarily with alcohol. If you feel far less nervous to try new things or talk to new people when you're drinking, you may want to discuss your anxiety with a doctor.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#86

Post by ushakov » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:43 PM UTC

I don’t drink and all my friends don’t drink

you admit surrounding yourself with alcoholics

undo that by pressing CMD+Z

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#87

Post by msarrel » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:43 PM UTC

When I stopped drinking 9 years ago, I discovered that those drinking buddies aren't actually friends. In fact, what I discovered was that almost everyone I knew wasn't actually my friend. What a relationships revolve around getting loaded, they're really fun, at least for a little while, but those really aren't friends. It's a hard decision to make. So much of our society revolves around alcohol and the acceptance of alcohol. Good luck!

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#88

Post by mythrwy » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:44 PM UTC

thejackgoode wrote: post #52

Sometimes “having fun” can be too much fun. People with mood disorders, f.e. bipolar sometimes miss the manic state after treatment stabilizes their mood. Be careful with expectations of fun.

Happiness is better then fun.

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#89

Post by thepasswordis » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:44 PM UTC

clintonb wrote: post #77

thepasswordis wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>You need a new group of friends, firstly. This is absolutely horrible advice. Alienating yourself from all of your friends simply because you don't want to drink the same things as them is not a good idea. If you don't want alcohol, then just don't drink it? I have been to many, many, many music festivals, parties, etc. and not drank anything. I can't imagine just exiling myself from all of my friends instead of sim…

The OP stated they are an alcoholic. You don’t tell an addict, “hey, just stop doing drugs!” You have to change the environment.

No they didn't?

Re: Ask HN: How do you have fun without alcohol?

#90

Post by Apreche » Thu, Jan 06, 2022, 3:44 PM UTC

I'm almost 40 and never drank in my life. I have fun talking with people, eating food, playing games, making and enjoying artwork, watching and playing sports, etc. etc. You know, life.