With birth rates decreasing, there will be less people like the OP to take care of their elderly parents. I wonder how people with no children will fare in a world with no support system in place for them. In 40 or 50 years things will be very dire if nothing changes.
Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
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Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#32With birth rates decreasing, there will be less people like the OP to take care of their elderly parents. I wonder how people with no children will fare in a world with no support system in place for them. In 40 or 50 years things will be very dire if nothing changes.
If you want to be taken care when you're really old, your best bet is to save money to pay for that service. Kids are no guarantee.
Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#33Your dad crawling up the stairs is helping to fend off muscle atrophy. There's a risk of course. Falling down the stairs could lead to death after complications. But it's not as out-right bad as you might assume, and crawling reduces the fall risk a bit. Falling is a risk even with normal walking. But if you don't have some movement in their life, they degrade faster and die sooner. There is risk from all choices
classic hackernews response
Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#34This likely isn't relevant to you OP, but perhaps for someone else who is a little earlier in the process here.
I'm in my late 30's and my parents are in their early 60's (Dad will be retiring next year). Two years ago we decided move into a multi-generational home. We found a place big enough for our family of 5, in addition to an "in-law" apartment big enough for my parents.
This was born directly out of my parents' experience dealing with a very difficult aging/end of life process for my grandfather. We realized that the best approach would be to get well ahead of things (assuming a normal aging progression, we're a couple decades ahead of the issue).
Obviously this was hugely specific to our situation, and wouldn't be an option for the majority of families, but it has worked very well for us so far, and hopefully will simplify a lot of the future.
Just a handful of the specifics that have allowed this to work for us:
* Both my wife and I have a very good relationship with my parents (my wife and my mom especially are very close)
* I have a background in healthcare and don't have any concerns about participating in end-of-life care when the time comes (we certainly plan to bring in external help for day to day stuff)
* We have young kids and my mom especially relishes being able to spend time with them. Obviously we're not accounting it for it hourly or anything, but the general approach we're taking is "You're helping us take care of the kids now, and we'll help take care of you when the time comes"
* We live in Central New York, a place with pretty cheap real estate, so it was reasonable for us (on a single software developer's salary) to buy a big enough place (4 bedroom home on our side, in addition to their apartment). The home we found was pretty ideal, with two separate living spaces/kitchens/etc. The only common area that connects the two is the laundry room.
So yeah, pretty specific circumstances that allowed us to do this, but I'd be happy to chat with anyone considering a similar plan.
Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#35[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#36Similar boat with aging parents. It is really tough with few solutions. In a very HCOL area and parents own a condo. So stairs are less the issue but there a ton other challenges that emerge. Simplest solution would be to do a joint-family system with the parents. That is not feasible because single story houses are pretty rare in our area and spacious housing is stupidly expensive in general (Toronto); moving my fam…
Now that remote work is more accepted, do you think people will choose to return to multi-generational homes instead of moving to the big city to work at the office?
Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#37Similar boat with aging parents. It is really tough with few solutions. In a very HCOL area and parents own a condo. So stairs are less the issue but there a ton other challenges that emerge. Simplest solution would be to do a joint-family system with the parents. That is not feasible because single story houses are pretty rare in our area and spacious housing is stupidly expensive in general (Toronto); moving my fam…
I think this is the most.. humane approach. For everyone involved. From what I've read about the nightmares of old folks' homes, that way of handling elder care has been failing us for a long time (and only recently has come into view).
Multi-generational households really seem like the way to go. Everyone gets to play an age-appropriate role and (in an "ideal" family) everyone is taken care of.
Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#38[deleted]
Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#39With birth rates decreasing, there will be less people like the OP to take care of their elderly parents. I wonder how people with no children will fare in a world with no support system in place for them. In 40 or 50 years things will be very dire if nothing changes.
If you want to be taken care when you're really old, your best bet is to save money to pay for that service. Kids are no guarantee.
Maybe if you raised them poorly they arent.
You have my pity
Re: Ask HN: Advice about aging parents
#40Are you just looking for a rationale for abandoning them? youll find it here.