Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Divorce does funny things

theparisreview.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 386 posts

Re: Divorce does funny things

#71

Post by tehlike »

88840-8855 wrote: post #64
cm2012 wrote: post #58

On infidelity - to some extent people's personal business is not my business. But if I hear that someone was unfaithful to their spouse, my business trust in them goes waaay down. If they're willing to break trust with the person closest to them in their life, what chance do I have as a mere business partner of not being screwed over at some point?

i think that's a little naive. cheating is a highly emotional thing. business relationships are a rational thing. although some people are mixing both up, most of people i have worked with manage to separate. one of my moost loyal colleagues is cheating on his wife for years. and yet, he is loyal to the tasks and to the company. hence, i find your view a little naive and funny and perhaps would label it with some -is…

It's a filter. Not meant to be 100% accurate.

As long as it filters false positives fine, false negatives are casualties.

We all have some filters in similar ways. I wouldn't want to work with a guy that shows violence to their family. I just don't want it. Simple as that.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#72

Post by Justin308 »

me_im_counting wrote: post #63
tasogare wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not only this but the cancer related statistics is oddly specific, and chose only because it put men in a bad light. Without numbers (count and percentage) caused by this plus the ventilation by sex it's totally meaningless: the affirmation could be true with only three divorces a year where two men leave and one woman does. On the reverse, men being taken half of their wealth plus having a pension to pay is the over…

I actually am quite sympathetic to challenges facing men, and agree that many don’t seem to care. For example, the utter lack of sympathy for male victims of marital infidelity is mind blowing to me. Women tend to be supported when their husband cheats on them, and men tend to be blamed and viewed as responsible when their wife cheats. I was simply pointing out observations counter to the assertion that men categoric…

Agree, I am astonished to see the double standard when women cheat vs men : https://youtu.be/qOTe0_Z0vlc If Will Smith was trying to justify cheating on his wife to feel "happy" he would have been cancelled by Hollywood.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#73

Post by me_im_counting »

jessriedel wrote: post #68
me_im_counting wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are they? At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids. Plus, it’s significantly more common for men to leave their wives when their wives get diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regard…

Fwiw, the large majority (~70%) of divorces are initiated by women in the US. Most divorces are not caused by cancer, and the advantage men have in re-marrying later are known and appreciated. So I think we can take the fact that most divorces are initiated by women as prima facie evidence that women recover better from divorces.

It’s interesting how my comment seems to be taken as an assertion in the opposite direction: that women have it categorically worse in divorce. I believe that reality is much, much more nuanced than either “direction”.

That being said, who files is not a perfect signal. I know a few women who filed when it was in reality the husband who ended the marriage.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#74

Post by cm2012 »

88840-8855 wrote: post #64
cm2012 wrote: post #58

On infidelity - to some extent people's personal business is not my business. But if I hear that someone was unfaithful to their spouse, my business trust in them goes waaay down. If they're willing to break trust with the person closest to them in their life, what chance do I have as a mere business partner of not being screwed over at some point?

i think that's a little naive. cheating is a highly emotional thing. business relationships are a rational thing. although some people are mixing both up, most of people i have worked with manage to separate. one of my moost loyal colleagues is cheating on his wife for years. and yet, he is loyal to the tasks and to the company. hence, i find your view a little naive and funny and perhaps would label it with some -is…

For an employee or contractor in a limited role, sure, whatever.

For a partner, business is rational until it's not. If things start to go wrong. If lots of money is on the line and the contract is not iron clad.

I've seen enough times in my life that people who justify shady actions with excuses in one area of life will do the same in another, when the stakes are high.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#75

Post by jareklupinski »

88840-8855 wrote: post #64
cm2012 wrote: post #58

On infidelity - to some extent people's personal business is not my business. But if I hear that someone was unfaithful to their spouse, my business trust in them goes waaay down. If they're willing to break trust with the person closest to them in their life, what chance do I have as a mere business partner of not being screwed over at some point?

i think that's a little naive. cheating is a highly emotional thing. business relationships are a rational thing. although some people are mixing both up, most of people i have worked with manage to separate. one of my moost loyal colleagues is cheating on his wife for years. and yet, he is loyal to the tasks and to the company. hence, i find your view a little naive and funny and perhaps would label it with some -is…

> one of my moost loyal colleagues is cheating on his wife for years. and yet, he is loyal to the tasks and to the company.

i'm sure his wife thinks he is 'loyal' too :^)

Re: Divorce does funny things

#76

Post by doctor_eval »

88840-8855 wrote: post #64
cm2012 wrote: post #58

On infidelity - to some extent people's personal business is not my business. But if I hear that someone was unfaithful to their spouse, my business trust in them goes waaay down. If they're willing to break trust with the person closest to them in their life, what chance do I have as a mere business partner of not being screwed over at some point?

i think that's a little naive. cheating is a highly emotional thing. business relationships are a rational thing. although some people are mixing both up, most of people i have worked with manage to separate. one of my moost loyal colleagues is cheating on his wife for years. and yet, he is loyal to the tasks and to the company. hence, i find your view a little naive and funny and perhaps would label it with some -is…

I don’t know. I think cheating can be rational and business emotional. It’s never black and white.

I’m going through a business situation at the moment where rationality on both sides has been very low.

When I saw the article title I had the thought that what I’m going through is like a divorce and maybe I could get some insight from the article.

Great article but didn’t help me at all :)

Re: Divorce does funny things

#77

Post by noodlesUK »

88840-8855 wrote: post #64
cm2012 wrote: post #58

On infidelity - to some extent people's personal business is not my business. But if I hear that someone was unfaithful to their spouse, my business trust in them goes waaay down. If they're willing to break trust with the person closest to them in their life, what chance do I have as a mere business partner of not being screwed over at some point?

i think that's a little naive. cheating is a highly emotional thing. business relationships are a rational thing. although some people are mixing both up, most of people i have worked with manage to separate. one of my moost loyal colleagues is cheating on his wife for years. and yet, he is loyal to the tasks and to the company. hence, i find your view a little naive and funny and perhaps would label it with some -is…

Cheating perhaps, I can work with people who have had emotional reasons, but as the kid of parents who went through this (when I was an adult), the thing I will never understand is the ability for people to just endlessly lie to themselves and the people they supposedly love. That ability to lie to “trusted” friends and family members potentially for years on end is a huge no for me and I wouldn’t trust anyone who had done that in their personal lives.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#78

Post by Justin308 »

kylebenzle wrote: post #51
me_im_counting wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are they? At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids. Plus, it’s significantly more common for men to leave their wives when their wives get diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regard…

Women lie in court all the time and lawyers will tell you that in Civil Court there is nothing you can do. These psychos will file dozens of "motions" then immediately drop them in an endless barrage of pointless litigation just to harass husbands into submission. An entire industry exists just to bleed families dry by getting women to claim abuse (mental abuse is enough) to get the kids, 1/2 the man's stuff and a st…

Unfortunately, there is absolutely no risk of jail time if a women makes false abuse allegation (either abuse towards her or towards the kids). On the other hand it is a common practice advised by unscrupulous lawyers to get rid of the dad and get full custody by getting a temporary restraining order (it is called the "silver bullet").

A recent story where it happened to a dad, who eventually got killed by the father in law : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_z0AfxT2bE No coverage or sympathy from either the media or the politics.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#79

Post by fastball »

Waterluvian wrote: post #6
bobsmooth wrote: post #5

The entire modern world is built off the backs of men that are willing to do the most dangerous of jobs.

Well, except for all the slaves.

When it comes to "the modern world", slave labor has always been a tiny fraction of the overall labor.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#80

Post by ximeng »

jessriedel wrote: post #68
me_im_counting wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are they? At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids. Plus, it’s significantly more common for men to leave their wives when their wives get diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regard…

Fwiw, the large majority (~70%) of divorces are initiated by women in the US. Most divorces are not caused by cancer, and the advantage men have in re-marrying later are known and appreciated. So I think we can take the fact that most divorces are initiated by women as prima facie evidence that women recover better from divorces.

It could equally be seen as evidence that staying in a bad marriage is worse for women than for men, so women will risk more to escape that scenario.

(Presumably people file because they expect a better life outcome for themselves from divorce than from not divorcing. This could be because they expect a better outcome due to divorce, as you say; or that they expect a worse outcome if they don't divorce, which is my alternative possible interpretation. I'm neutral on which is actually the case.)

Post reply on HN