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Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

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121–130 of 171 posts

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#121

Another thing I think that is worth remembering for nerdy, passionate, and driven people is that sometimes the sacrifice you are ostensibly making for your future happiness is worthless or may even backfire. For the longest time, I felt that persevering past my exhaustion point was virtuous and would pay dividends in the long run. And there were cases where this was true (e.g. meeting a deadline), but otherwise it wa…

Montaigne often talks about this, but something that's true about virtue is that you can't disconnect the action from the motivation.

Often what on the surface appears like virtuous fortitude is actually obstinacy and lack of self-awareness / imagination!

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#122
post #58

Every time I read something like this I always think they have the causality backward which I think that anyone who has ever suffered from depression can attest to. The food doesn't make you happy, you're predisposed to finding happiness. You wouldn't say that bad food makes you unhappy would you? Disappointed maybe but under normal circumstances it wouldn't cause unhappiness. If you were depressed it might, and you…

Agree with this. The logic behind this is simple. The human being is part of the universe, hence subject to causation & perceived chance. The human being doesn't get to "choose" the architecture of the body at birth, no choice in breathing, the eyes are going to blink and so on. And the idea of "volition" goes out of the window the moment we ask a question such as: "where did this prior thought come from?" The universe is a massive machine and men and women are little machines operating in service to the larger whole. Pain, pleasure, happiness and depression are universal mechanisms which allow totality to function, but human beings in general tend to construct a personal narrative. Once one fully accepts causation, then the struggle goes away little by little, since the "personal story" dissipates, and only "universal law in motion" remains.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Factually that's true of course but hey, at least you weren't always in debt like most of the people nowadays are. And you got to live around nature and eat actual organic food. I am not looking to the past with rose-tinted glasses, mind you -- definitely not all of it. And I didn't mean the farm life in particular. I mostly meant the post-WW2 generation. It's well-documented (but I don't keep link because why would…

> I mostly meant the post-WW2 generation. It's well-documented (but I don't keep link because why would I) that their social upwards mobility actually did exist. A short period of the modern era in which the US was pretty much the only nation with it's manufacturing capability completely intact after the destruction of WWII. The US also realized that funding education was important for a time after the war to retrain…

> Pendulums swing.

IMO that's the key insight in your comment. And the full swing of the pendulum from one extreme to the other can take more than one generation, essentially losing valuable wisdom and letting different generations feeling resentful towards each other.

I never claimed we have it worse in history during all of its recorded parts. I am simply saying that compared to some 60 years ago things are looking quite bleak by comparison, economically and in terms of personal well-being.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#124

I don't disagree with the article in principle, but to me it seems that us the modern people are pressured much harder than previous generations. At 41 y/o I have arrived at most of the same wisdom but I can't see how and where can I implement it. As others commenters said, I wish I could take a pay cut and work on things I love more than my current job. I absolutely can't afford it; not because I can't take the inco…

> but to me it seems that us the modern people are pressured much harder than previous generations. Both my grandfathers were farmers who also had additional jobs to make ends meet. My paternal grandfather worked 365 days a year with a day off at Easter and Christmas morning in the lumber camps for several years to save enough money to buy his farm. This was not unusual for my grand parents generation. When I was you…

I've known both extremes. Anecdotes can only take us so far. And I am from a poor country.

Even there, elders regularly say life was easier (even if it was hard before in the first place). Things can go from bad to worse, you know.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#125
post #89

Few changes that have helped me greatly towards a happier life are: 1. Cutting out alcohol 2. 15 minute meditation before sleeping 3. Regular exercise - e.g from YouTube 4. Eating less…sort of intermittent fasting 5. Reminding myself to do actions/thoughts that my soul would approve of. Others can do what their soul approves of or not. This has been especially useful. For example I am no longer hurt if someone is bei…

I mean this list seems obvious but its incredible how few people do it. Intermittent fasting is the only way I have been able to control my weight as an adult. Exercising makes you feel better and live longer. Alcohol is a poison that offers short term fun for long term sadness and pain. Sleep makes an immediately and daily impact on your life. Meditation (I don't do it anymore) is like cleaning for your brain and sh…

>Alcohol is a poison that offers short term fun for long term sadness and pain.

Alcohol in excess? Certainly, but I don't buy the idea that alcohol in moderation is harmful.

There have, of course, been studies that draw negative conclusions about alcohol, but they either commingle societal effects or discount the cardiovascular benefits.

TLDR: Alcohol in moderation is fine. Just don't drink to excess. Nearly all the negative impacts of alcohol are on a J-shaped curve that increase exponentially beyond about 20 drinks / week, and that is far from 'moderate' drinking.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#126
post #98

> To be happy you must deal with negative emotions. Learn to recognize these in yourself, and deal with them. Anger, self-pity, jealousy, fear, hate, loneliness… set them aside, and let happiness take their place. And here I was just not setting aside my negative emotions like a sucker.

More emphasis on the dealing with the emotions, and setting them aside is a later byproduct of doing the work.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#127

I don't disagree with the article in principle, but to me it seems that us the modern people are pressured much harder than previous generations. At 41 y/o I have arrived at most of the same wisdom but I can't see how and where can I implement it. As others commenters said, I wish I could take a pay cut and work on things I love more than my current job. I absolutely can't afford it; not because I can't take the inco…

honestly, its just our fears stopping us. As a programmer you earn enough in 1-5 years to live like a god in parts of the world. To be happy one can also start farming and have a small garden somewhere on this planet, live a decent life and be happy. Its pure fear stopping us.

That skips way too many details. I am 41 and I was never able to save a money. Partially because I was stupid, absolutely, but I also came to realize how much we are sheep-herded into consumerism. And many times we don't have a choice.

People's fridges, ovens, air conditioners, dish washers, vacuum cleaners, smartphones etc., nowadays seem to start breaking like clockwork literal weeks to months after the warranty expires.

So while personal financial responsibility and education can and will go a long way, it's important to recognize that we live in a fairly rigged and predatory system as well.

My fear is just that: "will I will be stable financially?". So far I never was so I can't just drop this fear and start breathing freely come tomorrow. These are problems that still need addressing.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#128

I don't disagree with the article in principle, but to me it seems that us the modern people are pressured much harder than previous generations. At 41 y/o I have arrived at most of the same wisdom but I can't see how and where can I implement it. As others commenters said, I wish I could take a pay cut and work on things I love more than my current job. I absolutely can't afford it; not because I can't take the inco…

> but to me it seems that us the modern people are pressured much harder than previous generations. I don't think this is even close to true. In fact we've got it pretty soft compared to many earlier eras. Think about having to wake up prior to daybreak to feed the animals, milk the cows, start fires for cooking, heating (a lot of wood chopping), etc. Having to haul drinking water. Scratching out a subsistence living…

It is a bit naive to think that life was harder (it is generally true of course) 100 years ago, and thus the most common emotional and physical conditions were fatigue, despair, and darkness.

The pressures of life 50-70-100 years ago were very different from what we experience in our time, just as the emotional and physical pressure and fatigue that come from doing manual labor (e.g., moving furniture) is different from the stress of a well-paid white-collar job. Naively, one might assume that manual, back-breaking work is significantly more stressful than a professional job. From a physical, chronic body strain perspective, this is true. Also, the white-collar professional, say a worker in tech, can make 2-3 times to 10 times (and more) than a non-specialized blue-collar worker. As we know, more money in hand never made a life worse.

But I've been around blue-collar and professional environments my whole life, and anecdotally, white-collar workers are much more stressed than blue-collar workers, more frequently in emotional distress, and almost always in-between distressing work issues. And envy and constant comparisons that seemed to be endemic in, say, the tech world, do more damage than one imagines. There may be a former colleague who now has the title of vice president, another who invested in crypto and earned a fortune, yet another who took home a few million dollars when the start-up company he worked for and on which nobody would have bet by hook or by crook was acquired, have ruined more than one existence.

I, a tech professional who is well paid and has no health problems, should be much happier on paper--and I might say more relaxed, satisfied, enthusiastic--than a worker moving cartons back and forth with a forklift and than I was when I had much less money, a less comfortable life, less leisure time and fewer professional and personal opportunities, and an economically uncertain future ahead.

Why am I not then? Is it because of "more money, more opportunities, more problems"? Is it because years ago I had the enthusiasm and arrogance of youth and now the more careful and cynical pace of those who know they have more to lose? Is it because I had that lightheartedness that perhaps those in less intellectually demanding jobs have had fewer opportunities to lose over time?

I lived all of my youth with my grandparents: born before World War II, modest families to be generous, all their lives working in the fields, driving trucks, assembling furniture. However, I saw very few emotional problems (overt, at least), perhaps because they were born and raised in an environment that didn't let them dream much and thus didn't favor disappointment later on. A wife or husband who "just needs to be a good person and work a steady job", a day at the beach that was an event they talked about for months if not years. There was little envy because in the end relatives and friends all lived the same life and the serious problems were those coming from poor health. Work ended at 5 or 6 in the afternoon, and you would arrive home tired, but you would think about work the next day. Dinner and lunch were homemade; during the weekend you did the housework and visited relatives or friends, and maybe you had ice cream here and there.

Would I trade my life for theirs? I wouldn't; I like to have opportunities and I have a lot more ambition than my grandparents. But, would they have traded theirs for mine? I asked my grandfather some time ago, "Would you like to take a plane once in your life ?'' He replied no. Maybe that's part of the secret.

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> but to me it seems that us the modern people are pressured much harder than previous generations. I don't think this is even close to true. In fact we've got it pretty soft compared to many earlier eras. Think about having to wake up prior to daybreak to feed the animals, milk the cows, start fires for cooking, heating (a lot of wood chopping), etc. Having to haul drinking water. Scratching out a subsistence living…

It's actually a myth that agrarian lifestyle was all that difficult. We have the enduring image of the farmer up at dawn, but the reality was that people completed the day's work in a few hours and didn't do much for the rest of the day. Capitalism has changed that a bit now though. That 30-40 year lifespan is also a myth. High mortality brings down the average, but people's lifespan has been around 70 throughout his…

As a person who grew up in farmer's family (and who's parents are still farmers) I can attest that that kind of life is way tougher than being office worker in a city .

Re: Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

#130

'Commute less' should be taken with a grain of salt unless one talks about cars. Any form of transport I take where I am not driving the vehicle myself gives me time to read, relax, think – even meditate (trains are great for this). I know for a fact that I read most books/month in my life in times I had a job that included at least 20 mins of commute (one way) on public transport.

I love commuting in my car. It's one of the only times I'm guaranteed solitude, and an opportunity to listen to or think about whatever I want in an enclosed space without interruption or surveillance (older car).
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