Which jobs most often pair together among married couples • Hacker News Board

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#431

Post by bumby » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 3:40 AM UTC

whakim wrote: post #429

bumby wrote: post #402

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess it depends on how you define winner. If you measure winning primarily by social status or money, sure. But one of the main points of the book is to illustrating the costs of all that "winning". There was one quote from the book of a high-achieving mother who, due to long hours, only got to spend 20 minutes a day with her child but "wouldn't give up those 20 minutes for the world." If you're someone who values…

I think this is a valid point in the United States (to a certain extent, of course: I don't think "working too hard and not seeing your kids enough" is really comparable to "living paycheck to paycheck", although I understand that they're directionally the same). Does the author address other countries, though? The logic of meritocracy has been used to justify huge increases in inequality in countries where people wo…

I don’t remember any other countries being mentioned

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#432

Post by spurgu » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 3:41 AM UTC

aloisdg wrote: post #376

lopis wrote: post #328

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe most straight male software engineers never get married?

(M)y SO is a female QA engineer. I dont know why but there is a lot of girl there. On the SWE side we really need to alter the industry to improve diversity.

Of course there are, someone needs to be there to nag about being no good and constantly correcting people. ;)

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#433

Post by spurgu » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 3:44 AM UTC

Jensson wrote: post #352

medstrom wrote: post #343

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just a nitpick, but it doesn't matter what you value if you can't find it. Else the data would look quite different, e.g. all incels would be married. So what matters is what women find, not what they value.

> it doesn't matter what you value if you can't find it Sure does, you just don't marry if you don't find anyone you want to marry. It is that simple. For example, we can see that even in Sweden women who earn less are more likely to marry and men who earn more are more likely to marry. Women who earn a lot are less likely to find a partner they like as you say.

Inconvenient truths. There are differences between sexes? Shocker!

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#434

Post by spurgu » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 3:51 AM UTC

pjmlp wrote: post #360

StillBored wrote: post #179

Ok, I can see the lopsided lawyers marrying lawyers, but how is it that software developers are so lopsidedly marrying other software developers when something like 90% of them are male? I guess pretty much every female software developer marries a male software developer which works out to the 12% number? Makes me sorta want to see a breakdown by sex. aka "male software developer has a 6% chance of marrying a softwa…

Plenty of female devs on most places I have worked since the .COM wave. If I am not mistaken, as per last results, most Informatics/Software Engineering degrees in Portugal have about 50% distribution between genders.

50% sounds crazy (and unsustainable). The women I've met in tech tend to, on average, have the same ambitions as their male counterparts - they chose this as a job/career, as opposed to having an actual passion for IT. A far cry from "my group of people" who grew up with BBS's, modems, demoscene, internet in the 90's. And I still try to hire only people who have a generic interest in computing and throw graduate resumes in the bin. Even if you discard the "passionate" ones from the equation you should end up with a ton more men, simply because of generic interest in STEM fields. Perhaps it's due to government incentives or something?

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#435

Post by Talanes » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 5:32 AM UTC

cryptofistMonk wrote: post #245

Talanes wrote: post #238

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's pretty common for Pastor's wives to have a position in the church as well.

Very often unpaid

The Pastors I've known in my life have been dual-income households, and Megachurches are infamous for using that set-up. Though I grew up in a small town with a decent mix of residential incomes, so there was no particularly poor churches in town.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#436

Post by [deleted] » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 11:32 AM UTC

dagw wrote: post #345

siva7 wrote: post #344

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I got one: https://theblog.okcupid.com/how-important-college-is-to-mill... It's the same in germany. It also comes down that people here don't care that much about degrees but value other things more if they have to choose.

Dating and marrying are two hugely different things. Stereotypically, dating unemployed musicians and artists few years before marrying a white collar worker from your own social background is almost a rite of passage.

[deleted]

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#437

Post by QuarterReptile » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 11:53 AM UTC

bumby wrote: post #430

QuarterReptile wrote: post #428

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At the individual level, yes, there will probably always be a man outcompeting any woman at the top of a competitive field. But on a population level, the instability [0] of matches where the woman out-earns the man means that the pattern of women outnumbering men in ever-more prestigious fields is going to leave some very successful women without good matches. And foregoing that weaker match has increasingly little…

> women outnumbering men in ever-more prestigious fields is going to leave some very successful women without good matches. I agree with your post but the quote above speaks to my original point further up the thread. The fact that this assumes that the only suitable mate is one of the same career status is part of what drivers income inequality. Other than that, the only other proxy for attainment is income but it’s…

>The fact that this assumes that the only suitable mate is one of the same career status is part of what drivers income inequality.

Absolutely. The proliferation of two-income families is a huge and well-documented driver of inequality. But the fact is that human woman tend not to marry below themselves in terms of some combination of status markers that they judge as important. And human men who don't feel like their contributions are important to the family (primary earner, mostly) tend to make their relationships less stable.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#438

Post by bumby » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 1:12 PM UTC

xwdv wrote: post #423

watwut wrote: post #337

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Trophy wife is not just about being stay at home. The term expresses lack of respect toward that wife, whose role is to look pretty and is not expected to contribute, to be knowledgeable nor have skills. Second, men who earn a lot don't marry cashiers all that often. They want to marry within the same social class. They marry educated women whose earning potential is better then minimum wage. Third, being stay at hom…

Unfortunately there is no guarantee that a woman with desirable genetic traits is also a high income earner, so in practice men must choose to concede some qualities if they are to have a good chance of finding a wife. Usually, this means choosing beauty over earning potential, as beauty is much harder to find and then the value of money decreases as you earn more of it.

>beauty is much harder to find

This thread seems to use a lot of colloquial wisdom without citing where it came from. How are your arriving at this conclusion?

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#439

Post by beeboop » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 1:33 PM UTC

Seattle3503 wrote: post #146

leetcrew wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a similar experience dating someone in the field, though it went on a bit longer. for me it was just kinda rough to come home from a day of working on software to talk to my SO about their problems with software. great person, but it was an exhausting relationship. on the other hand, most of my friends also do software stuff and we enjoy complaining to each other about work. I guess maybe the difference is you…

I'm in this situation now. I'll have a bad day, then my partner comes home and dumps her bad day on top of mine. I don't know to handle it, because if I ask her to stop she sulks. It means I don't care about her bad day.

maybe this is shitty of me but i'm really sensitive to negativity. my wife tends to have moments of complaining a lot, and i've found repetitive but sympathetic responses to complaints helps her realize how much she's complaining and makes her stop without me having to actually ask her to stop. she's even commented some days that it feels like i've said "sorry to hear that baby" about a thousand times. and she's right, I do have days where is say it a ton because she's complaining a ton

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#440

Post by whimsicalism » Thu, Oct 28, 2021, 2:33 PM UTC

xyzelement wrote: post #189

whimsicalism wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And that is bad why?

> And that is bad why? Historically marriage was seen not just as commitment between two people but between them and their community, and them and G-d. By committing to the marriage in a public, religiously-affiliated place, the couple is acknowledging their responsibility to those parties as well. If nothing else, it makes the commitment stronger and creates greater incentives to work through issues rather than bail…

Divorce rate is declining, likely because people aren't being pressured to enter into long-term commitments they aren't ready for by their broader community.

It is interesting to see how conservative ideas are re-packaged to remain fashionable with the time.

I was lucky to be raised by extremely great parents who have never been married and nonetheless have stayed together for 40 years, without God looking over their shoulder.