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Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

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Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#371

Post by gunfighthacksaw »

Gigachad wrote: post #264
nxm wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men generally do not care about the income of their wife, as that's not what they're innately attracted to. Hypergamy is characteristic of women and hence they want to marry up, and won't settle for someone who makes less than them. The latter is a reason for why there are so many educated but unmarried women today in their 30s and 40s.

What are you basing this on? Seems like a large claim to make about what people are innately attracted to.

Based on redpills, obviously.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#372

Post by mahogany »

globular-toast wrote: post #363
wisty wrote: post #355

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If an adult child said they want to stay home, cook for you and clean the house, and maybe look after younger siblings, most people would say they need to grow up and get a job.

Can you really not see the difference here? You do know children generally outlive their parents, right? But the more general difference is a home maker is not a maid. A home maker owns the home. That's a very big difference. Somehow people have been convinced that it's better to work to build/maintain someone else's property instead of your own.

> Somehow people have been convinced that it's better to work to build/maintain someone else's property instead of your own.

It is a bit strange, isn't it?

We've transitioned to having both parents work, but then we pay a large percentage of the extra income on child care, house upkeep (cleaning, repairs, improvements, etc), prepared food, etc. -- things that one parent could do if they were at home instead of working for someone else. It seems worse for the kids too, to have both parents working.

It doesn't have to be the mother by the way. But I also don't think the idea of a stay-at-home mom should be as condemned as it is, at least in certain circles. Women should absolutely have the choice to not be a stay-at-home mom, but it should be a choice without stigma attached either way.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#373

Post by oblio »

mensetmanusman wrote: post #349
oblio wrote: post #292

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The solutions are quite simple. Provide free daycare. Provide 1 or ideally 2 year long parental leaves for both parents. Provide a somewhat generous child allowance for up to 3 kids. The hard truth is that it's not as expensive or complicated to encourage people having child but for some reason we are trying to do anything except for the things that actually matter: allowing parents that want to spend all their time…

Isn’t Singapore now offering over 10k as incentive? If a society is required to pay so much for something that used to come naturally through cultural forces, then it’s probably not sustainable.

> If a society is required to pay so much

So much? Singapore's GDP per capita is $60k per year so $5k per month. If $2 month's worth of GDP for 1 baby so an entire lifetime of a new citizen is a lot, then I don't even know what to say.

> for something that used to come naturally through cultural forces, then it’s probably not sustainable

Having kids sucks (your mileage may vary, but before ~2-3 years the investment >>> benefits for all but the most dedicated people out there). Kids used to be cheap labor, which is now illegal for good reasons and they could be abused at will for various things, which is also illegal for good reasons. They were also frequently born because women didn't have a say in the matter, which is also becoming illegal for good reasons.

It is sustainable, it just needs to be done properly and respectfully.

Not by treating women like broodmares and kids as slaves to be worked to death and beaten up by adults who don't have any other way to relieve stress.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#374

Post by jrsj »

vostok wrote: post #235
jrsj wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would assume it’s partly because software devs tend to work longer hours and do less stuff socially outside of work than average. As an adult I’ve only dated people long term I either met through work or online games.

Do software developers work longer hours? They seem to have the least work hours out of anyone in my upper middle class American peer group.

Depends on the job and the industry I guess. I’ve normally had to do 50-60 hours on a salary unless I’ve ran out of upward mobility at a company & just want to coast for a few months until I find something else

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#375

Post by throw1234651234 »

klipt wrote: post #280
StillBored wrote: post #179

Ok, I can see the lopsided lawyers marrying lawyers, but how is it that software developers are so lopsidedly marrying other software developers when something like 90% of them are male? I guess pretty much every female software developer marries a male software developer which works out to the 12% number? Makes me sorta want to see a breakdown by sex. aka "male software developer has a 6% chance of marrying a softwa…

> Makes me sorta want to see a breakdown by sex. Feast your eyes on this! https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2016-who-marries-whom/ For example it says that while lesbian software developers often marry each other, gay male software developers often marry "recreation and fitness workers". Straight male software engineers often marry within the profession, but also marry nurses, teachers and accountants.

Nice, but the data here is also lost in the "teachers" and "nurses" top choices for EVERYONE. Would be nice to be able to exclude them.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#376

Post by aloisdg »

lopis wrote: post #328
idk1 wrote: post #301

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a male software engineer and I'm marrying a male software engineer, that may account for some the data too.

Maybe most straight male software engineers never get married?

(M)y SO is a female QA engineer. I dont know why but there is a lot of girl there. On the SWE side we really need to alter the industry to improve diversity.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#377

Post by fleddr »

nxm wrote: post #163
bumby wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’ve read that one reason wealth inequality is worse today is because high-education-high-income individuals want to marry other HEHI individuals whereas in the past this wasn’t the case. If the claim about the past is true, it seems to undermine your point

Men generally do not care about the income of their wife, as that's not what they're innately attracted to. Hypergamy is characteristic of women and hence they want to marry up, and won't settle for someone who makes less than them. The latter is a reason for why there are so many educated but unmarried women today in their 30s and 40s.

I'd add that when you're in your 30s or 40s, you're simply too late. The good men are already taken.

There may still be plenty of men in the same age group, single and good earners, but almost by definition they won't meet the highest of standards. Because if they did, they wouldn't be single.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#378

Post by onion2k »

dotancohen wrote: post #368
kharak wrote: post #364

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A bit off-topic, but I'm wondering if the homosexual dating pool among software developers is bigger than the heterosexual dating pool. edit just to clarify, for men. Dating pool for homosexual/heterosexual men.

Not everybody develops in Javascript on a Mac.

I've been on HN for almost 10 years, and from what I've read I'm pretty sure they do actually.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#379

Post by AlwaysRock »

Seattle3503 wrote: post #146
leetcrew wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a similar experience dating someone in the field, though it went on a bit longer. for me it was just kinda rough to come home from a day of working on software to talk to my SO about their problems with software. great person, but it was an exhausting relationship. on the other hand, most of my friends also do software stuff and we enjoy complaining to each other about work. I guess maybe the difference is you…

I'm in this situation now. I'll have a bad day, then my partner comes home and dumps her bad day on top of mine. I don't know to handle it, because if I ask her to stop she sulks. It means I don't care about her bad day.

That will not change if you were dating someone who is not a software developer. They will just be talking about how their day organic farming was shitty instead of how their day writing code was shitty.

Re: Which jobs most often pair together among married couples

#380

Post by mrep »

fleddr wrote: post #377
nxm wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Men generally do not care about the income of their wife, as that's not what they're innately attracted to. Hypergamy is characteristic of women and hence they want to marry up, and won't settle for someone who makes less than them. The latter is a reason for why there are so many educated but unmarried women today in their 30s and 40s.

I'd add that when you're in your 30s or 40s, you're simply too late. The good men are already taken. There may still be plenty of men in the same age group, single and good earners, but almost by definition they won't meet the highest of standards. Because if they did, they wouldn't be single.

So your definition for good men are only people who have never had a break up in their 30s/40s because there are plenty of people who have?
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