Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?

One thing that made a huge difference for me was getting a job on-campus. In my case I worked at the Battalion, it was awesome. Although it was also a lot bigger back then.

Student jobs are great because regardless of the job itself, everyone else is, well, a student! Unlike class, you almost certainly have a lot of time to chitchat and kill time on any job, so it’s easier to make friends. Another bonus: chances are the people you work with are in all different majors, and as you make some friends who aren’t in your classes then it helps branch out and give you more sources of potential friends. The people who cross over between disciplines tend to be interesting.

Other things I did include intramurals, volunteering at summer camps, and getting an all-sports pass and constantly asking people if they wanted to go to a (soccer/volleyball/tennis/basketball) whatever sport was happening and not football. Everyone already has plans for the football game, but the minor sports are way easier to go watch, less time commitment, and tons of people have all sports passes but nobody to go to tennis matches with, so they are wasted. I made several casual friends by just asking people “you ever been to an Aggie Soccer match? It’s fun!”

If you’re picking up on a theme here, it’s that you should try to spend as much time in meat space as possible. I was really never comfortable doing stuff like just going to the bar by myself, and having structured activities/excuses why I was going to be somewhere helped me a lot. Most of the friendships I made were casual, but I think that’s normal, and a few became close friends who still keep in touch 15 years later.

Hang in there! Lots of people have lonely seasons in life, it’s normal, and it’ll get better :)

If you were raised in a specific tradition, consider that as a going-in position.

All of this depends on the type of social interaction, the people around you and will change over time.

For #1, I've noticed that people who are attractive or have a pleasant demeanor will generally have more social interactions initiated by other people, so at least make sure you don't hurt your appearance.

For #2, having a good sense of humor helps, as well as being able to have a conversation and relate to other people.

For #3, honesty, shared values, boundaries and timing is important. Here, like others have mentioned, you want to spend time doing various activities together.

Also, people can sense when someone's 'forcing' the friendship to happen, so try to not to stress out about it. You'll get direct and indirect feedback when interacting with other people, so learn to read between the lines.

When in college, you will cross paths with other people without a lot of effort, just make sure you take that first step of putting yourself in social situations, because it's only going to get more difficult as time goes by.

Lastly, friendship has a maintenance cost (both time and resources) and a dynamic between the parties, which may not always be beneficial for you. For example, my best friend in college was a great friend in the beginning, but as soon as he got comfortable with the friendship, he began to undermine me, push the boundaries and use the friendship to his advantage. I believe that's just his personality and as much as it hurts to lose your best friend, I had to cut the friendship for my own well being. I don't recommend breaking ties at the earliest sign of trouble, I only want to make sure you're aware that a friendship can end up being a net negative for you and you should evaluate the friendship once in a while.