How large is your uni? Theres bound to be social groups catered to your interests.
Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
41–50 of 218 posts
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#42> I'm busy a lot of the time so don't think about this.
The statement above reminded me of my situation when I was always busy with my coursework and couldn't find time for other activities. If that's your case, I will give three advices:
1) Work in groups: * Context: One thing that I learnt the hard way was people make friends by working with them together on assignments and discussing things. During my undergrad, working in groups felt like cheating to me: If I couldn't come up with a derivation or proof completely on my own => I don't understand it fully. How wrong was I in retrospect. * Advantages: (a) Learning is much faster (your friends understand what you know and what you don't, internet does not. When they explain something, they use this knowledge to specifically explain what you need) (b) You are much more likely to succeed (it's very unlikely that all of your group members feel lazy or unmotivated at the same time) * How to find groups: CS Projects usually require you to work in groups. Even if it's not, just call someone and say that you want to discuss this thing with them.
2) Don't spend too much time on courseworks: * Context: If you are in a good institute, your professors are probably very excited to teach and their course material is very rigorous. If you holistically try to understand everything in deep, I think it's just too much to learn in one semester. * Choose wisely: Decide in advance for what courses you want to understand everything and what courses you just want to pass. Passing a course (with a good grade) does not require understanding everything in deep, be smart about what to study.
3) Have some hobbies: Other answers have already touched upon this point.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#43> Advice on how to connect better with people? Log off, touch some grass. Put yourself out there. Once you get a few people around you, it's relatively easy to leaver yourself into other friends groups. > But I've heard everybody talking about Halloween costumes in the past few days and realized I don't need one cause I'll be sitting inside alone on Halloween. I'd like to start fixing this but don't know how. Just sa…
I think this is good advice but it’s worth mentioning:
1. This kind of thing doesn’t come naturally for a lot of people (myself included)
2. It doesn’t always work even if you do it well. Perhaps the other people are also quite shy.
So the important thing is practice, and to kind of brace yourself going in: “If it doesn’t click with these specific people, I don’t care. This is a practice run and I’ll practice again until it works.”
I’ve found that, paradoxically, one of the things that makes relationships hard is wanting them. When you really desire a friendship or other relationship with someone new, you tend to come off as over-eager or awkward, and that’s off-putting for the other person. Conversely when you can be casual and unconcerned, it makes you seem confident and happy, which other people are drawn to.
So there really is a “fake it till you make it” thing going on, which is quite hard to learn IMO, but can be learned with practice.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#44I wish I could help, but I was in a similar situation and had a lonely 4 years in undergrad. I was spread thin between classes and my student job, which would make me tense and anxious, and I probably projected that vibe socially.
Grad school fortunately gave me a second shot at having a good social life and I was able to take it.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#45My friendships in college came from asking fellow classmates to have study groups with me, and from asking classmates who I'd do group projects on to hang out after class. Easier if you're 21 and can drink so you can pose it like "let's celebrate completing our project by getting beers" but can also just be like "lets get pizza/wings/burgers to celebrate" or whatever.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#46Same boat.. What worked for me was.'walking dogs' on a Saturday morning at the local animal shelter. Made lots of good friends there.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#47> Advice on how to connect better with people? Log off, touch some grass. Put yourself out there. Once you get a few people around you, it's relatively easy to leaver yourself into other friends groups. > But I've heard everybody talking about Halloween costumes in the past few days and realized I don't need one cause I'll be sitting inside alone on Halloween. I'd like to start fixing this but don't know how. Just sa…
The phrase "touch some grass" makes me want to grab someone by the head and squeeze till it pops. I understand the context, it sounds so stupid.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#48Get a motorcycle!
Lol. I did and it was one of the best things I ever did. But I did it after university. Rode all over north america on it, me and my tent Ƈ:)
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#49Make eye contact with every person you can. Smile through the awkwardness. Verbally greet people when in close proximity. Ask people questions that are specific to your interests ("I see you have a sports team shirt on, I too like sports ball!")
The next step is to find your confidence. Some other folks here mentioned a hobby or other activity to make friends. For me I found a rollerblading and roller skating group, because I had skated so much on my own I was able to use that confidence to fit in with the group. 70% of my friends as an adult came from that group.
And my last piece of advice is to play the "Yes" game. Whenever an opportunity presents itself then accept. You have more time to do this while you are young. This is the opposite advice as what entrepreneurs give, but when you are in college find as many opportunities to do as many new things without getting into trouble.
As for Halloween, dress up, get a big bag of candy, and try to give it all out. Do it with poise and grace. People will remember candy dude and more than likely you will find a group to tag along with.
Re: Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
#50One thing I'd add to the advice given already is to get out and socialize sooner rather than later in your degree. When you are a freshman, everyone is in the same boat as you, trying to piece together a new group of friends. It can seem daunting, but know that you're not in it alone! After freshman year, you'll still certainly be able to make plenty of friends, but I found that first year to be especially primed for…
That's part of it, I'm a sophomore and didn't meet anybody last year on zoom. Seems like everybody already got their social group though. I'm at Texas A&M, so if there are any former students around who got ideas lmk.
I'd imagine you aren't the only person who may be having a hard time adjusting from a remote freshman year to an in person sophomore year! Outlook is a big part of these things, and sometimes optimism is a great tool even when it seems unwarranted.
I'm a cali guy, so I can't comment on Texas A&M from experience, but... is there a computer lab available for working on your CS assignment? At my school our lab was lovingly referred to as "the dungeon". It was a place where you would spend long hours working with others on hard problems. As others have mentioned, shared hardship goes a long way towards friendship, and I am still close with some of those I met and worked with there!