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Willingness to look stupid

danluu.com

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Re: Willingness to look stupid

#731

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Which cities?

NYC, LA, Oakland, Baltimore, Portland, and Minneapolis at least https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9625629/REFUND-poli...

> The Democratic mayors of New York City, Baltimore and Los Angeles are among those now backpedaling on their vows

So they didn't actually do anything.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#732

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It can easily backfire. Some one who has an urgent but basic question might refrain from speaking up if, beforehand, a senior prefaces their pointed probing question with "this is a stupid question...". It's better to just kick things off with naive questions or even use a bit of humor to disarm people, so they don't feel like they have to be "advanced" all the time.

You don't say this is . You say "this may be" a stupid question. The point is not that anyone with the same question should feel stupid; it's that I don't care if anyone thinks I am.

Depending on who is asking, the intention behind such framing is different. For someone in a leadership position, the point is to open up dialog and make folks comfortable enough to ask questions without them feeling they're at risk of humiliation or judgement. For others it may be to signal politeness and deference to the speaker.

Whatever the case, there are more effective, more genuine phrasings to use than to literally invoke "stupidity".

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#733
post #712
post #22

There's a bit of a disconnect between the the purported theme of this article, being okay looking stupid, and the actual contents, which is just a catalogue of times other people were stupid, posted on the internet so everyone knows the author is clever. Being willing to look stupid involves actually being able to deal with mistakes and failure, with actually _feeling_ stupid sometimes. Just listing a bunch of great…

But the article is specifically about looking stupid. The point being, as I understand it, that you should avoid being stupid but not looking stupid.

The title is about looking stupid, but that's not what the author is communicating, to me or many others in the comments here. At no point did the author ever risk any ego, because they knew they were right every time, and no morons were going to convince them otherwise. Willingness to look stupid isn't just about ignoring other people's opinions, it's about actually being willing to find out you _are_ stupid sometimes. Nobody can avoid being stupid their whole lives, whatever cherry picked lists we might publish on our blogs. You are either willing to suffer the risk of people seeing that, and learning something, or you can hide from that risk. The author clearly has a good track record of hiding from that risk, because everything they've ever done has turned out to be correct. But that seems deeply uninteresting as a life lesson. Much more important is what happens when you try something, and the people telling you you're stupid are _right_. How you and your ego handle that is an important part of your character.

Maybe that's a subtle distinction, but I think it's important.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#734
post #503

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Poor communication does not imply everyone involved is incompetent idiots. It's unfortunate, and important to address, but if you quit any project every time there is inadequate communication, you'll never get anything done. Assumptions are inevitable. They get harder to question the longer they go unquestioned. Newcomers to a group can see them better. Perhaps cutting people some slack and helping them work better b…

If you want to cut people slack, go cut them slack. Here's a question: look around you, you think cutting slack is what's needed? If you think so, alright then. I don't.

If someone asks a simple question, it’s great - because most likely executives will have the exact same question, but depending on your relationship with them, it could go a few ways (or more): 1) they just think you don’t get it because they assume the answer to the basic question and it’s not the assumption you’re operating off of 2) they call you on it during the presentation and make it look like you have failed to explain the fundamentals 3) they wait until after the presentation to ask the question, and others in the room aren’t really sure about it either, because you just assumed everyone knew.

I think it’s OK to ask dumb questions twice. If you don’t get it by the third time (or fail to remember), then we might need to step back and revisit fundamentals, or your mental model might need adjustment so that the information makes sense in context.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#735

This has happened to me frequently at my current company. I get pulled into a meeting about something that I have no context on because it touches my area of expertise, and the discussions have apparently been stalling out. I brace myself to be the idiot. I'm going to waste everyone's time asking questions that everyone knows the answer to, and I just got looped in, so everyone's going to feel like they need to walk…

I work for the government so really know this feeling. I have a funny exemple in mind. Months ago I got pulled into a meeting because 'I know data'. The phrasing alone was a red flag. Lots of high level people in the meeting. Like 10 people, each one payed at least twice as much as me. The goal is to transfer data that is too big for our 'standard pipelines'. They are discussing building a whole new pipeline, contractors would be involved and all. I asked 'stupid questions': "- How big is the data we are discussing ? - '200 Go' - is it recurring ? - No - is it sensitive ? - No - Why don't we buy a 50$ 1to hard drive and transfer the data manually ?"

Last question was followed by the longest silence I ever heard in a meeting... I wasn't invited the next meetings. I heard it took them more than 5 other meetings to reconsider my solution. An intern has finally been sent to buy the hard drive last week.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#736
post #336

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> explain oneself I hate this, the idea that I should have to explain myself to a random stranger in a shop as if they are entitled to know anything about me. I buy a lot of sweets on Friday for the weekend and regularly the clerk behind the till will make a comment, "Thats a lot of chocolate! Who is going to eat all that! You must be having a party whats the occasion?". In front of a line of customers who are eager…

> no one wants to explain themselves to a stranger we will never meet again Even though I, personally, feel the way you do, the above doesn't ring true. Many people crave those small interactions with strangers, and welcome the opportunity to talk about themselves. That's the reason they're a social norm.

I'm in a very similar boat as you two (why does the barista at Starbucks care what my weekend plans are?), but I don't think it's always that people want to talk about themselves, I think they just want to talk to somebody, period. Humans are social creatures and have survived on our ability to form communities, so there is part of us that sometimes just want people to talk to, not necessarily about ourselves. For sure there are narcissists who do only want to talk about themselves, but I wouldn't say that's everyone.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#737

This has happened to me frequently at my current company. I get pulled into a meeting about something that I have no context on because it touches my area of expertise, and the discussions have apparently been stalling out. I brace myself to be the idiot. I'm going to waste everyone's time asking questions that everyone knows the answer to, and I just got looped in, so everyone's going to feel like they need to walk…

One of the best people I've ever worked with used this approach. "I'm going to ask stupid questions now." and "Just so I'm understanding the problem, ." were two phrases she used all the time . I am surprised at how difficult it has been to emulate her technique. Feeling comfortable asking the obvious questions is one half of the battle, but the other, more difficult half, is knowing what obvious questions to ask. Mo…

The top Business Analysts always posses this skill, too.

Re: Willingness to look stupid

#738

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is an interrogation technique called Five Whys. I believe it was created by S. Toyoda, and was and very is effective in root cause analysis. The basic idea was to ask a question and follow up with "Why?" until an answer contained an alterable behavior... that answer would usually come with the fifth why. Once in a while I use it in a business meetings, and as long as the person who is being questioned doesn't g…

5 Whys is great for getting depth into one causal subtree, but based on a paper I once read, answers can lack breadth when there is more than one cause (which is often the case). It said that "Why" is often best answered with a directed acyclic graph of causal relationships. (Though when I tried to use a causal DAG for root cause analysis of an incident at my current company, I was told that I was wasting time and no…

Similar here. Was pumped in an RCA with "why?" multiple times. The 'root cause' was I fucked up and missed something. But that was because "prod was broken right then, fix ASAP!" and no one else understands the problem, and we're understaffed, and people 'reviewed' the code without understanding what it was doing (or why) and one 'fix' led to another problem, and that 'fix' led to a third, and trying to explain this in an 'RCA' meeting confused the heck out of everyone because there were 3 different days/times people saw the problem, and could not understand it was one original thing that triggered, with cascading problems in the 'fixes', etc.

You keep asking "why?" and only want one 'thing' to be 'actionable'... you will raise my frustration level. The root cause is an emergent property of understaffing, poor communication practices and a belief that everything can be reduced to a jira card providing sufficient context and understanding for a diverse audience with different skills and needs.

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