551–560 of 811 posts
One way to prove that he truly doesn't mind looking stupid would be to list times when he risked looking stupid... and it turns out he actually was. It's happened to all of us though we dont like to admit it. I'm sure it's happened to him too and I looked but I didn't see any of those examples listed. Giving only examples of when people thought he was dumb and it turned out he wasn't... that's kind of just a roundabo…
There's a bit of a disconnect between the the purported theme of this article, being okay looking stupid, and the actual contents, which is just a catalogue of times other people were stupid, posted on the internet so everyone knows the author is clever. Being willing to look stupid involves actually being able to deal with mistakes and failure, with actually _feeling_ stupid sometimes. Just listing a bunch of great…
Except for this part:
The person who helped me, despite being very polite, also clearly thought I was a bozo and kept explaining things like "the size of the box and the size of the computer aren't the same". Of course I knew that, but I didn't want to say something like "I design CPUs. I understand the difference between the size of the box the computer comes and in the size of the computer and I know it's very unusual to care about the size of the box, but I really want the one that comes in the smallest box". Just saying the last bit without establishing any kind of authority didn't convince the person
In that case I most certainly would have established that I knew what I was talking about, and also explained exactly why I cared about the box. Maybe the author never worked in retail or public facing tech support, but when you're in those jobs you learn to not believe anything the user/customer says. At least until they let you know they know what they're talking about.
The asking questions part also reminded me of a story from when I was a junior network engineer in my mid 20s, working with two guys in their 50s who had each been doing the job for over 15 years. A little bit after I started they gave me a task that required me to use a system they knew I didn't have access to. After about an hour I figured out that I would need it. I asked them how to use the xyz server, and they both started laughing. It was a test to see if I would ask for help. Apparently the last guy who had to do that task waited 3 days before asking for help, and didn't even figure out he needed to use the system in question. They decided to see how I would handle it, instead of just telling me outright.
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Yeah I feel the same way. I never understood the "This may be a stupid question..." framing. Asking fundamental questions in order to build up to a more complex understanding is the most effective way to learn, I have no hesitation about asking such questions.
One reason for the framing (when used by a senior person or someone in authority) is to give permission to more junior people who may be holding back on their own questions because they are afraid of looking bad.
It's better to just kick things off with naive questions or even use a bit of humor to disarm people, so they don't feel like they have to be "advanced" all the time.
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If you want to cut people slack, go cut them slack. Here's a question: look around you, you think cutting slack is what's needed? If you think so, alright then. I don't.
I work with good people, and when they screw up, I cut them some slack. Everyone sometimes screws up. Some more than others. Some distractingly so, and some so often that it's not worth continuing the relationship. But the mere fact that someone at some point screws up does not make them irredeemable. So, yes, I think cutting people slack is important. This is totally orthogonal to being qualified for a job, or being…
And. What if it's your customer in the room? Are you firing them for being 'stupid'?
The superclever types that thing their colleagues are stupid are often the most dangerous, as they'll just 'go it alone' and then leave when they fuck up and suddenly everyone is stupid and not grateful.
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Thanks for the suggestions. I'm commenting on this thread so I can save it for future reference.
Perhaps a better approach is to click on "favorite" at the top. I personally find it easier than trying to go through my comments history.
P.S. I guess the article does touch on this when it mentions the anecdote about the people in class and the "dumb" questions being posed to the teacher. Come to think of it, I guess the whole article is kinda like a commentary on this phenomenon actually :).
> Going into an Apple store and asking for (and buying) the computer that comes in the smallest box, which I had a good reason to want at the time > The person who helped me, despite being very polite, also clearly thought I was a bozo and kept explaining things like "the size of the box and the size of the computer aren't the same". Of course I knew that, but I didn't want to say something like "I design CPUs. I und…
I have to say, this example did make me switch my view of the author from some one who wasn't afraid to ask the "stupid" questions to being either a deliberately "just asking questions" asshole who likes to fuck with people or, to be more charitable, someone with a bit of a spectrum disorder.
I'm surprised I had to scroll this far to see someone suggesting this, since it seems extremely obvious to me that this is part of the case. It's becoming fairly well-documented that one of the primary differences in people on the spectrum is a difference in communication style, which anecdotally seems to be more direct and less apologetic or prone to "superfluous" verbal (/nonverbal) contextualizing.
With the prevalence of people on the spectrum in STEM, it's no surprise that you'd see it here, and indeed looking at the comments you can see quite a few people talking past each other about what OP "should" say with what is clearly a mismatch in communication style.