'Speed friending' events • Hacker News Board

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#41

Post by foobarian » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 6:04 PM UTC

davesque wrote: post #38

foobarian wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes it will be just like the good old times! When your favorite local feudal lord forced you and your family to stay living on his property. And picked your profession for you and your descendants. Oh and going to church was mandatory, and paying tithes was required by law. I think maybe I'll take the corporations instead. :-)

It's funny how you assume I was suggesting that we should go backward in time. No, I'm just saying there's clearly something wrong with sanctifying our will to power in the form of corporations. Great, so we've figured out a way to move money very efficiently into the hands of a few people in a way that is self reinforcing and sucks the life out of everything. Check. Mustn't there be a way to move forward into the fu…

I apologize if I implied that, admittedly it came off as a bit of a strawman. It's just something that's been on my mind lately in part due to issues with the current power structure. But you are right, if we managed to move from the feudal to current system, why should it not be possible to find something even better?

On the other hand I figure there needs to be a relief valve for the kinds of people that enjoy being feudal lords, and the corporations provide that right now. Perhaps something even better can be devised but it needs to be done because that type of person will always exist.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#42

Post by varjag » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 6:06 PM UTC

quacked wrote: post #8

unboxedvariable wrote: post #3

What is it about us and society that has moved us in a continually more isolating direction instead of getting better at forming connections. Aren't we more connected now by many orders of magnitude than all previous generations? Are we not able to handle these quick/cheap interactions and do they cause harm instead of satisfaction? Have we replaced meaningful, non-work human interaction with apps that seem to do the…

That's a huge question, but I believe the answer is that in a modern first world country, time is expensive and comfort is cheap. (I am also completely ignoring any social changes that have occurred since the pandemic, because all of the pandemic-based social trends started well before it did). People used to meet up and have real hobbies because they were bored and wanted something to do with their time, not because…

People however have fewer children than ever before and less demanding workdays than they were for millennia.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#43

Post by aviancrane » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 6:07 PM UTC

foobarian wrote: post #27

davesque wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lately, I've become convinced that it's simply because so much of our lives is controlled by corporations and their priorities. Whenever I look around and try to figure out why everything looks so bleak; e.g. why does every building look the same, why is everyone's behavior so homogenous and boring, why is there so little creativity, etc.? It's because a very small number of organizations have a huge amount of influe…

Yes it will be just like the good old times! When your favorite local feudal lord forced you and your family to stay living on his property. And picked your profession for you and your descendants. Oh and going to church was mandatory, and paying tithes was required by law. I think maybe I'll take the corporations instead. :-)

You have more freedom now, but that doesn't mean you are free. And the lack of freedom does not mean you should go back in time to when you were less free.

The truth is that your choices are determined by your options; in the past those options were determined by your feudal lord, and now they're determined by which corporate datastreams you choose to ingest.

We are freer now to create a pool of many more options, and the competitiveness of some markets forces corporations to give better options than the monopolies of the past. But you still will be left with little choice if you passively ingest the data you receive, especially as corporations invest in AI to both identify options you will like as well as funnel you into self-feeding culture bubbles in order to make you more predictable... for their profit.

I think you have to make actions which collect as many options as possible, analyzing what you receive from corporations, and choosing to also consider which non-corporate options are available to you with your surplus of money and freedom that those in the past didn't have.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#44

Post by stnmtn » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 7:05 PM UTC

mrfusion wrote: post #25

iammisc wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People want immediate gratification, and friendship is like dating. Often, I'm the first to take initiative inviting people out... This is fine. I don't care about that. But sometimes, i'll invite someone out I don't click with 100% And this is... okay. Even if I spent money and time on that attempt, I always have a decent enough time, and finding friends requires work. People today don't want to do the work. They ba…

I bet you’d love this article: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/pfibDHFZ3waBo6pAc/intentiona...

Thank you for linking this, I had a great experience reading it and discovering the same problem that the author had. I didn't even consider it was possible to directly and intentionally have an emotionally vulnerable conversation! I love when I have them, but I always thought of them as 'happy accidents' that just occur sometimes.

It's never even popped into my head that these are avenues in a conversation that you can take with intention.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#45

Post by Spivak » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 7:22 PM UTC

jermaustin1 wrote: post #2

I've always wanted a "friending" site. Basically a dating site, but to make friends. I work from home, have a couple of online friends that share the same interests as me, but none of my real-world friends do. I tried a couple of these apps, but I always felt the "friend" had ulterior motives. One friend I connected to, tried to sell me on investments, another I'm fairly certain was trying to hook up as if this were…

I've used Bumble's BFF mode for this and I really like it. It's exactly what you're describing. Fair warning that they only match boys with boys and girls with girls. Which is pretty old fashioned but it's apprently because there were too many guys using it to hit on girls.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#46

Post by jsilence » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 7:40 PM UTC

I totally can not relate to the article at all. I would never start any activity with the goal of making friends. So much so that I find the concept of 'making friends' absurd. How would one be able to make, to fabricate, friendship?

Friendship is a sentiment I'd develop towards a person I like and value. And from this feeling I become a friend to them. If the feeling is returned, I am lucky and relish the moment of this mutual positive feeling.

If I were to feel lonely I'd start an activity I like. Start playing a team sport. Be a good team mate. Friendship will eventually develop over time when the group is right.

You like intellectual challenges? Join a Chess or Go club. For Chess or for Go. Friendships will develop if the time is right.

I find it very strange to attempt to fill the void by socializing.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#47

Post by throwaway888877 » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 7:41 PM UTC

foobarian wrote: post #27

davesque wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lately, I've become convinced that it's simply because so much of our lives is controlled by corporations and their priorities. Whenever I look around and try to figure out why everything looks so bleak; e.g. why does every building look the same, why is everyone's behavior so homogenous and boring, why is there so little creativity, etc.? It's because a very small number of organizations have a huge amount of influe…

Yes it will be just like the good old times! When your favorite local feudal lord forced you and your family to stay living on his property. And picked your profession for you and your descendants. Oh and going to church was mandatory, and paying tithes was required by law. I think maybe I'll take the corporations instead. :-)

Yes the only choices are 12th century serfdom or corporations. :-)

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#48

Post by iammisc » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 7:53 PM UTC

mrfusion wrote: post #33

iammisc wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Haha thanks. Yes... there's a benefit to being a socially awkward kid raised in a culture of close friendship in that my parents taught me in very clear terms how to make friends, that I use to this day (to apparently much greater success than 'normal' kids I know). I especially liked the article's details on maintaining friendships. Being a good friend is like having a marriage. We have this couple we're friends wit…

So how do you handle political differences? I can definitely feel closer with people if we’re on the same page politically. And it’s really jarring to have so many things in common and then discover they’re promoting the destruction of western values … I could definitely use some advice. On the other hand back when politics wasn’t as in your daily life I really didn’t care about disagreements.

> And it’s really jarring to have so many things in common and then discover they’re promoting the destruction of western values …

I dunno who your friends or acquaintances are, but if your view of them is that they want to destroy western values and your way of living, then that's a problem on you, not them. Most likely, they don't want to hurt you or your way of life... they just want to be able to live theirs, so I would suggest not approaching this is a problem of 'my friend basically wants to destroy my country'.

I mean on the other hand, if you're surrounded by people who literally want to destroy your country, well then I'd suggest moving, I guess. I don't honestly believe there's many parts of america, other than certain cult compounds, that would share that view though. More likely, you are the one reading ill intent into other's politics.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#49

Post by lgrialn » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 7:55 PM UTC

davesque wrote: post #23

unboxedvariable wrote: post #3

What is it about us and society that has moved us in a continually more isolating direction instead of getting better at forming connections. Aren't we more connected now by many orders of magnitude than all previous generations? Are we not able to handle these quick/cheap interactions and do they cause harm instead of satisfaction? Have we replaced meaningful, non-work human interaction with apps that seem to do the…

Lately, I've become convinced that it's simply because so much of our lives is controlled by corporations and their priorities. Whenever I look around and try to figure out why everything looks so bleak; e.g. why does every building look the same, why is everyone's behavior so homogenous and boring, why is there so little creativity, etc.? It's because a very small number of organizations have a huge amount of influe…

Yes. As our time and energy is consumed by the corporations, our social needs - maybe "interfaces" - are all replaced with cheap mock-ups.

I’d like to think I’d have more commonality with those around me if they weren’t so damaged by a lifetime of, well, everything they’re exposed to and don’t know to try to resist.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#50

Post by nzmsv » Thu, Oct 21, 2021, 8:06 PM UTC

mrfusion wrote: post #33

iammisc wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Haha thanks. Yes... there's a benefit to being a socially awkward kid raised in a culture of close friendship in that my parents taught me in very clear terms how to make friends, that I use to this day (to apparently much greater success than 'normal' kids I know). I especially liked the article's details on maintaining friendships. Being a good friend is like having a marriage. We have this couple we're friends wit…

So how do you handle political differences? I can definitely feel closer with people if we’re on the same page politically. And it’s really jarring to have so many things in common and then discover they’re promoting the destruction of western values … I could definitely use some advice. On the other hand back when politics wasn’t as in your daily life I really didn’t care about disagreements.

I suggest learning more about these western values, where they came from, why, and how long they have been around. I think you will be surprised and find a very enjoyable rabbit hole. One spoiler: most things people consider an inseparable part of their culture (any culture, not just western) are a few generations old at best, and are usually borrowed from another culture.