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'Speed friending' events

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Re: 'Speed friending' events

#31

Post by iammisc »

mrfusion wrote: post #25
iammisc wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People want immediate gratification, and friendship is like dating. Often, I'm the first to take initiative inviting people out... This is fine. I don't care about that. But sometimes, i'll invite someone out I don't click with 100% And this is... okay. Even if I spent money and time on that attempt, I always have a decent enough time, and finding friends requires work. People today don't want to do the work. They ba…

I bet you’d love this article: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/pfibDHFZ3waBo6pAc/intentiona...

Haha thanks. Yes... there's a benefit to being a socially awkward kid raised in a culture of close friendship in that my parents taught me in very clear terms how to make friends, that I use to this day (to apparently much greater success than 'normal' kids I know).

I especially liked the article's details on maintaining friendships. Being a good friend is like having a marriage. We have this couple we're friends with. The husband and I get along and my wife and his wife get along (and of course, we all get along with each other). But his wife and my wife fought for a bit (And I mean really fought), and we had a 'falling out', but then I took the initiative to reach out to the husband, and for a while, we'd clandestinely go out with each other, until we both decided it was time to get the wive's to reconnect and everyone to make up (which they eventually did). It was hard emotional work... but it's all worth it. I think a lot of people drop friends they don't like. I notice a lot of people today do it over differences in politics, which I frankly find unfathomable.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#32

Post by graeme »

jermaustin1 wrote: post #2

I've always wanted a "friending" site. Basically a dating site, but to make friends. I work from home, have a couple of online friends that share the same interests as me, but none of my real-world friends do. I tried a couple of these apps, but I always felt the "friend" had ulterior motives. One friend I connected to, tried to sell me on investments, another I'm fairly certain was trying to hook up as if this were…

Not sure what apps you’re referring to, but Bumble now has a BFF option where you can swipe to make friends. You can do this with the dating version disabled too.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#33

Post by mrfusion »

iammisc wrote: post #31
mrfusion wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I bet you’d love this article: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/pfibDHFZ3waBo6pAc/intentiona...

Haha thanks. Yes... there's a benefit to being a socially awkward kid raised in a culture of close friendship in that my parents taught me in very clear terms how to make friends, that I use to this day (to apparently much greater success than 'normal' kids I know). I especially liked the article's details on maintaining friendships. Being a good friend is like having a marriage. We have this couple we're friends wit…

So how do you handle political differences?

I can definitely feel closer with people if we’re on the same page politically.

And it’s really jarring to have so many things in common and then discover they’re promoting the destruction of western values …

I could definitely use some advice.

On the other hand back when politics wasn’t as in your daily life I really didn’t care about disagreements.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#34

Post by ratww »

tasogare wrote: post #11
toto444 wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a dumb phone user I have noticed this paradox. Smartphones allow you to do things on your own. That completely rules out random encounters or discussions. If you have a question instead of asking someone and start a conversation you can just Google it. No need to ask your way to locals, you have Google map.

Not totally true. I'm still asking questions from time to time to people because I'm confused about place or how to do things (I'm living in a foreign country). Depending on the context some people are glad to converse instead of being on their phones. Creating long term relationships is very hard, but small talk isn't much harder than before.

> Depending on the context some people are glad to converse instead of being on their phones

I believe GP's point is not that people aren't glad to converse or that small talk is hard, it's just that almost nobody approaches people to ask questions anymore because we have answers in our phone.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#35

Post by aviancrane »

unboxedvariable wrote: post #3

What is it about us and society that has moved us in a continually more isolating direction instead of getting better at forming connections. Aren't we more connected now by many orders of magnitude than all previous generations? Are we not able to handle these quick/cheap interactions and do they cause harm instead of satisfaction? Have we replaced meaningful, non-work human interaction with apps that seem to do the…

Human communication is only 10% the words we use. But the internet for most of its lifetime has been words-only (disregarding recent trends like TikTok). We have lost 90% of what makes our communication human.

There are biological factors as well, not just things like body language. You put off pheromones which I absorb and my brain analyzes for me when I am near you. You don't get the biological aspects unless you're in person.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#36

Post by aviancrane »

davesque wrote: post #23
unboxedvariable wrote: post #3

What is it about us and society that has moved us in a continually more isolating direction instead of getting better at forming connections. Aren't we more connected now by many orders of magnitude than all previous generations? Are we not able to handle these quick/cheap interactions and do they cause harm instead of satisfaction? Have we replaced meaningful, non-work human interaction with apps that seem to do the…

Lately, I've become convinced that it's simply because so much of our lives is controlled by corporations and their priorities. Whenever I look around and try to figure out why everything looks so bleak; e.g. why does every building look the same, why is everyone's behavior so homogenous and boring, why is there so little creativity, etc.? It's because a very small number of organizations have a huge amount of influe…

I agree. Your choices are determined by your options, and all our options are determined by corporations. There is no free will in this system.

You have to detach from the passive ingestion of the datastream and instead figure out a way to create as many options as possible in order to have any real choice.

What options can we create that weren't determined by corporations?

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#37

Post by beckman466 »

this just reminds me of books like 'How To Win Friends and Manipulate' ..cough.., sorry, i mean 'Influence People'

Caroline - 2 stars // Apr 02, 2010:

"This book had a profound effect on me, however, of the negative variety. It did give me pointers on how to actually break out of my shell and "win friends" but in the long term, it did way more harm than good. Not the book per se, but my choice to follow the advice given there. The book basically tells you to be agreeable to everybody, find something to honestly like about them and compliment them on it, talk about their interests only and, practically, act like a people pleaser all the time.

It might sound like a harmless, or even attractive idea in theory, but choosing to apply it in your every day life can lead to dangerous results. Case in point: after being a smiley happy person with loads of friends for about a year, the unpleasant realization began to creep in, that by being so agreeable to everybody else, I rarely ever got my way. I also sustained friendships with people who were self-centered, so talking about their interests was all we got to do together, which drained me of my energy. The worst thing still, is that by trying to find something to like about every person, I completely disregarded their glaring faults. It didn't matter that those people did have redeeming qualities - they weren't redeeming enough! I ended up with a bunch of friends I didn't really want and, because I was so preoccupied with "winning" those friendships I missed out on the chance to form relationships with good people.

I suppose, for somebody who is a better judge of character, the principles outlined in this book - could - be of some value. But that's really just me trying to find something positive (using the "principles") in a book that I am still trying to UNlearn.

If you want to win friends, you have to do it the hard way, by being yourself and risking rejection (and daring to do some rejection of your own, as well). And if you want to influence people the only fair way to do it is through honesty. All the rest is manipulation and pretending. Do not read this book, you'll only learn how to manipulate yourself & others. Do not read it out of fear of rejection & low self-esteem, there are better ways to gain some courage in approaching people. This will harm you in the long run.

Thank you for reading this review."

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4865.How_to_Win_Friends_...

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#38

Post by davesque »

foobarian wrote: post #27
davesque wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lately, I've become convinced that it's simply because so much of our lives is controlled by corporations and their priorities. Whenever I look around and try to figure out why everything looks so bleak; e.g. why does every building look the same, why is everyone's behavior so homogenous and boring, why is there so little creativity, etc.? It's because a very small number of organizations have a huge amount of influe…

Yes it will be just like the good old times! When your favorite local feudal lord forced you and your family to stay living on his property. And picked your profession for you and your descendants. Oh and going to church was mandatory, and paying tithes was required by law. I think maybe I'll take the corporations instead. :-)

It's funny how you assume I was suggesting that we should go backward in time. No, I'm just saying there's clearly something wrong with sanctifying our will to power in the form of corporations. Great, so we've figured out a way to move money very efficiently into the hands of a few people in a way that is self reinforcing and sucks the life out of everything. Check. Mustn't there be a way to move forward into the future and discover newer and better ways of structuring society in a way that is more interesting?

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#39

Post by bartc »

unboxedvariable wrote: post #3

What is it about us and society that has moved us in a continually more isolating direction instead of getting better at forming connections. Aren't we more connected now by many orders of magnitude than all previous generations? Are we not able to handle these quick/cheap interactions and do they cause harm instead of satisfaction? Have we replaced meaningful, non-work human interaction with apps that seem to do the…

I think it's because friendship-level connections are a lot easier to make when you are in uncomfortably close physical proximity with each other and/or when you need to rely on others and they need to rely on you.

In upper middle class society, more and more people live alone and have access to everything they need without needing to rely on neighbors.

Having 24/7 access to the Internet and communication tools gives the sensation that you have all the necessary tools at your disposal, but in reality those tools do nothing and you're just sitting at home by yourself, ignoring the people who are physically around you.

Re: 'Speed friending' events

#40

Post by Zababa »

foobarian wrote: post #27
davesque wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lately, I've become convinced that it's simply because so much of our lives is controlled by corporations and their priorities. Whenever I look around and try to figure out why everything looks so bleak; e.g. why does every building look the same, why is everyone's behavior so homogenous and boring, why is there so little creativity, etc.? It's because a very small number of organizations have a huge amount of influe…

Yes it will be just like the good old times! When your favorite local feudal lord forced you and your family to stay living on his property. And picked your profession for you and your descendants. Oh and going to church was mandatory, and paying tithes was required by law. I think maybe I'll take the corporations instead. :-)

What difference do you make between corporations and your "local feudal lord"?
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