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I just don’t want to be busy anymore

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Re: I just don’t want to be busy anymore

#21

Post by tartoran »

tenaciousDaniel wrote: post #9
gregd wrote: post #2

As a 54 year old Software Engineer, who has had a nice IT career for over 26 years, I'm spent. This is coming from someone who has always had a growth mindset and had a really hard time sitting still. I used to loathe naps and felt like I was missing out if I took one. Now, I take a one hour nap almost daily and I'm finding that after 1pm I'm basically fried (I start working around 7AM). I'm not sure what to do about…

I feel that way now but I'm only 37. I knew it was a bit soon so I went to a doctor, and turns out my testosterone is at 250 (whereas at my age it should be over 1,000). No idea if that's something you've already explored, but felt it couldn't hurt to share.

I started taking some Ashwaganda and experienced positive effects so far. Give it a try, maybe it works out for you as well

Re: I just don’t want to be busy anymore

#24

Post by burnafter182 »

gregd wrote: post #2

As a 54 year old Software Engineer, who has had a nice IT career for over 26 years, I'm spent. This is coming from someone who has always had a growth mindset and had a really hard time sitting still. I used to loathe naps and felt like I was missing out if I took one. Now, I take a one hour nap almost daily and I'm finding that after 1pm I'm basically fried (I start working around 7AM). I'm not sure what to do about…

There's a weird fixation on productivity that gets drilled into our heads at a young age. It's beyond okay to not be running 100% all the time, regardless of what the paradigm espouses as value.

Re: I just don’t want to be busy anymore

#25

Post by lightbendover »

I am absolutely terrified of clicking the “apply” button for a pre-offered internal transfer at my current company. I’m miserable, more miserable than I ever thought I could be, but if I step back I quickly realize that I have the job I always wanted and one that other people would kill for and have it on lock down to the point that I could put in 10 hours a week and still be heralded as a great leader.

I just don’t care about anything I work on or anyone I work with after a major release a couple months ago that bookmarked nearly everything I wanted to accomplish in this role.

I seriously doubt this will make me happy — more hours, less prestige, new unknowns, sunk accomplishments - but I am well past my “fuck it” point like so many others I talk to.

Re: I just don’t want to be busy anymore

#26

Post by adventured »

> At first I tried to stay in denial, flooding myself with positive affirmations in an attempt to manifest mental calmness.

> “No way I’m burned out. Look at all the women that are actually suffering. Who am I but a privileged white chic taking up space.”

That's self abuse, mentally tearing yourself down, that is not positive affirmation. Trying to take an objective stock of your context is reasonable, however comparing yourself to those less fortunate is not a positive affirmation.

Re: I just don’t want to be busy anymore

#27

Post by tenaciousDaniel »

hammock wrote: post #15
tenaciousDaniel wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel that way now but I'm only 37. I knew it was a bit soon so I went to a doctor, and turns out my testosterone is at 250 (whereas at my age it should be over 1,000). No idea if that's something you've already explored, but felt it couldn't hurt to share.

>whereas at my age it should be over 1,000 Where did you get that reference range for a 37 year old? I'm not sure that was even true 30 years ago.

That's what my doctor told me. I'm sure there are differing opinions but meh whatever, I know it could be higher so that's good enough.

Re: I just don’t want to be busy anymore

#28

Post by lr4444lr »

It's very hard to disentangle how much of this is pressure from your workplace vs. your internalized sense of obligation about work intensity.

Parenthood does change a lot of things. But at the end of the day, tech isn't slinging drinks at a bar, or fixing cars, or even like other intense white collar jobs where the stock market closing bell or potential sales target companies office hours put hard time limits on things and let you better compartmentalize your life. It's got elements of research science, art, and construction - ideas percolate over time, experiments need to be run, and structures fail or become unsuitable and need reworking. I used to think with the right methodologies these could all be controlled and that only "dysfunctional" companies didn't do so, but lately I'm concluding that the "busyness" of a software eng. or adjacent jobs in tech just comes with the territory. Yes, some companies are distinctly good or bad at managing the worst of it, but looking at the bigger picture, getting upper middle class salaries in a hot market for talent, to sit in a temperature controlled clean environment and use your brain to solve problems is not a bad trade off for being expected to do amazing things routinely. I think we have a pretty good tradeoff.

Re: I just don’t want to be busy anymore

#29

Post by lightbendover »

volfied wrote: post #20
MattGaiser wrote: post #5

One of the things which quickly overwhelms me is just all the little stuff. Couple big ticket items? No problem. Long list of 5-20 minute items, or even worse, conversations of indefinite length? Exhausting.

I work for a big company (F500), and one thing that always bothers me is the out of nowhere Slack messages that are three paragraphs long, by someone I have never met within the company. If I start helping them right away, they are happy to keep me online for the next hour while my flow is gone, god knows where. I am trying to find the nicest way to say: "This should be an e-mail conversation, please send email.", bu…

Create an intake queue and direct them to that. Service it on a stated SLA that you decide. Do not respond directly to ad hoc requests (outside of perhaps company wide campaigns that you are in risk of missing).

Re: I just don’t want to be busy anymore

#30

Post by fragmede »

gregd wrote: post #2

As a 54 year old Software Engineer, who has had a nice IT career for over 26 years, I'm spent. This is coming from someone who has always had a growth mindset and had a really hard time sitting still. I used to loathe naps and felt like I was missing out if I took one. Now, I take a one hour nap almost daily and I'm finding that after 1pm I'm basically fried (I start working around 7AM). I'm not sure what to do about…

With all due respect, saying you're 54 isn't enough context. The past 18 months have been a lot. For everybody, in and out of tech. Knowing you've been in tech longer than most helps sell... what? that you're more deserving of being tired that the rest of us? (Not rowdy invalid, there is an official retirement age after all...) But shit, the new iPhone came out and all I could hear was how much I don't want to wait in line nor be made fun of for my phone having a button and being an olds. I'm really afraid this is a permanent state but I don't have as many years to fall back on. I have enough savings not to starve but the pandemic changed things and those savings aren't going to last forever! (Rapidly dwindling, some might say.) Hope yours lasts longer than mine!
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