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Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

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Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#71

Post by klipt »

quantumBerry wrote: post #70
klipt wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well you can ignore it as long as the marriage goes well :-) but in a divorce the court will make it very clear just how much money the marriage cost the higher earner, both in terms of dividing up past earnings, and in terms of dividing up future earnings via alimony and child support.

What the court imposes is more of a penalty on divorce, than a representation on what a wife costs. For instance, we used to make a little money when I married my wife, now we make a lot more. We didn't change our lifestyle or spending, nor what we spent on the child. Just savings increased, none of which we planned to give to the child. But now the child support calculator says I owe a lot more after a divorce, whic…

But a penalty for one side can be viewed as an incentive for the other side. Which given either side can initiate divorce, could increase the divorce rate.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#72

Post by quantumBerry »

klipt wrote: post #71
quantumBerry wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What the court imposes is more of a penalty on divorce, than a representation on what a wife costs. For instance, we used to make a little money when I married my wife, now we make a lot more. We didn't change our lifestyle or spending, nor what we spent on the child. Just savings increased, none of which we planned to give to the child. But now the child support calculator says I owe a lot more after a divorce, whic…

But a penalty for one side can be viewed as an incentive for the other side. Which given either side can initiate divorce, could increase the divorce rate.

Agreed. I revise my statement:

What the court imposes is more of a penalty and incentive for divorce, than a representation on what a wife costs.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#73

Post by COGlory »

photochemsyn wrote: post #24
dleslie wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He also plans to hand out the money after the wedding. It's all very... Transactional.

In my experience of human society, marriage is extremely transactional. It's modern legal form was invented largely to legally codify how wealth transfers related to marriages would be handled, essentially. A marriage in today's society is more of a business partnership than anything else; infidelity is as common as not. Often in wealthy circles joint business ownership precludes divorce as well, so enter the side pa…

I'm very sorry that has been your experience.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#74

Post by ghoward »

ditonal wrote: post #55
rubyist5eva wrote: post #15

Whatever happened to just asking pretty girls you see on dates? That’s how I met my wife. Total stranger, gave her my number and asked her out for coffee. Been married ten years now.

Everyone overthinks things but this really is a good option. I’ve also been with my wife over ten years so maybe I’m not the authority any more. But even back then online dating was a thing but I had zero success with it. But it always seemed as a man, women basically gave you +2 in attractiveness just for having the confidence to go up and introduce yourself. Seemed crazy to throw those free points away so I just ps…

> But it always seemed as a man, women basically gave you +2 in attractiveness just for having the confidence to go up and introduce yourself.

In my experience, you are 110% correct.

I first saw my wife giving a speech and remembered her name. Two weeks later, I went up and introduced myself, with "Hello, , my name is . Thank you for your [speech] about ."

There are a few interesting things about what she noticed. First, she didn't really notice that I got "" wrong. (I mixed her speech up with another person's.) Second, the reason she didn't notice is because all she noticed was that I remembered her name!

And finally, as we were preparing to get married, many guys in our community got up in arms about how the community "superstar" was marrying me, someone known to be less attractive. My wife says all of the time that she chose me simply because I actually introduced myself and (later) asked her on a date.

Though all of that doesn't explain how she still finds me attractive, especially since she now knows I'm not that confident after all...

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#75

Post by quantumBerry »

baobabKoodaa wrote: post #49
bluejay2 wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women are, in general, hypergamous, meaning they are looking for men who are "above" them along some dimension: wealth, status, looks, education, etc. I can not find the link, but I read somewhere once that something like the "top" 80% of women are competing over the "top" 20% of men. In other words, the "bottom" 80% of men are un-dateable for those women. That is how you end up with the situation described.

Sounds like you've read the OkCupid blog post that used to be online, before Match decided to buy OkCupid and censor them.

They were censored? How is this even controversial? Females have a biological incentive to be more choosy than men as their reproductive investment is much higher -- it seems obvious that the result is rational from a biological perspective.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#76

Post by bsder »

jack_pp wrote: post #60
jwond wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There was an OKCupid study that found that women on OKCupid rated 80% of men as below average. https://techcrunch.com/2009/11/18/okcupid-inbox-attractive/

That's funny at first glance but it might be more accurate than we would like to admit. Maybe there were a lot of below average men (compared to the general population) on OKC when that study was conducted

Actually, the OkCupid founders used their own pictures and got nailed as significantly below average.

They really weren't. If anything, they were probably a bit above average.

Although, there is one thing that might have contributed back in the day. Female users of online dating might have been concentrated in tech areas. Being a rare female in a male dominated ratio area causes a highly skewed estimate of how attractive you really are.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#77

Post by blunte »

eloff wrote: post #67
blunte wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

8 years? Not being flippant, but 8 years is one chapter. More than 8 years of my marriage were so great I couldn't imagine anything better (and I have not topped it with anyone since). I'm saying that you can and should enjoy relationships, but if you expect the impossible, it will end badly. It doesn't have to end badly! It could end naturally, with great respect and friendship. No, my attitude is that one can have…

You're correct that not all relationships last for a lifetime. Not all should last that long. But neither should none. It varies, because people vary, and you have to both work at it and want similar things. Fairytales aren't real, but that's also not a reason to just say all marriages won't last. That's obviously false. It's also not the end of the world, as you say, if in the end you've both grown so far apart neit…

Statistically most relationships don't last for the remaining lifetimes of the partners. I don't even have to back this up with footnotes. (30+ years ago it might have been true.) I will point out that if you go looking for stats, they can be very misleading as they often compare current new marriages against current divorces. They are not comparing original marriages to their eventual divorces.

My point, which seems to be missed everywhere, is not that you shouldn't try - it's that you should not make the duration a key metric. Live for today, and for the next year, and maybe collectively fantasize and plan about the nextd 5 years. This day zero focus on "forever" just sets people up for mysery if (when) things start to change for the worse.

Isn't now good enough? After all, we only live Now. If we spent more of now enjoying what we have now, then we might waste a lot less of the "good years" worrying about the next years.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#78

Post by CyberDildonics »

c7DJTLrn wrote: post #17

I've never used a dating app, probably never will. I don't see the allure. It's like the fast food of human relationships - completely synthetic and made to fill a desire (in some cases). Not to mention the level of vanity in these apps.

If you've never used one, how do you know?

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#79

Post by webmobdev »

betwixthewires wrote: post #6

> He's offering prizes of up to $7,000 in value to anyone who can help him get a date, and ultimately, a wife. That's the gist of the article. I don't like online dating either. But this "social experiment" is just, I dunno, grimy?

Being an indian, I find this funny - in our culture (and I guess most asian cultures), it is quite common for the elders in our social network do so much unsolicited match-making that it can sometimes be irksome. :)

India even has matchmaking websites for those wanting to find a suitable partner for marriage (half of the posts in it will be from parents / relatives of the prospective bride / groom). It's actually quite a competitive and lucrative business. Apart from charging for membership, these sites also abuse lax privacy laws and sell the individual profiles to data brokers and marketing divisions of various industries.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#80

Post by CyberDildonics »

baobabKoodaa wrote: post #50
kortex wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That approach for most folks is a) really daunting b) usually extremely low odds of success. It's one thing if it's someone in a social circle, however big. Total stranger? Seems to only result in frustration for most folks.

It's a skill that can be learned.

You are absolutely right but you will never be able to convince anyone here that this is true.
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