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Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

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Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#31

Post by icedchai »

doctorwho42 wrote: post #9
Arech wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ha! I second for okcupid. The only normal dating site (that allows indepth profiles) that I was able to find back in 2015-16. Never needed it since then, because I married a girl I met there)

Unfortunately okcupid has trended away from what it was 5+ years ago. My last SO was through okcupid right before they changed the incentives in the system. Now it has been driven towards the same swipe culture as all the other apps. Though you can still answer questions and write detailed profile... The system doesn't seem to promote that as much. My key gripe right now with how it is setup is that the only discover…

Yep, it's basically useless now. Are there any decent dating sites?

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#32

Post by erikerikson »

godelski wrote: post #20
erikerikson wrote: post #2

The value of internet dating for people looking for a serious connection is access to scale and therein the bypass of the happenstance of initial conditions. This approach gives up on scale. At first I was challenged with how to effectively gain the value of that access to scale. But then I selected a dating app (okcupid) that allowed for depth and designed my profile to ward off others and select for the subpopulati…

Giving up on scale might be a good thing tbh. With scale comes a lot of noise. Also with it comes choice paralysis. On noise, it's not uncommon to see less than 1% of male right swipes to turn into a match. As many here may know, this can be pretty emotionally taxing. Then add on the choice problem. It's a well known psychological effect that too many choices can cause us feel bad about our choices. The classic examp…

I mentioned okcupid as an option that helps focus better into your expected compatible population. Others are noting it is changed from when I used it. The reason I liked it is that all my choices were far higher quality and my experiences helped me better understand my deeper nuances.

If you're looking for a relationship I would suggest avoiding the swiping apps. That fits my bias. I think that choosing a partner or partners in life is one of the most important and most salient things we do and should get commensurate attention. Further, none of the most important aspects of a person are present in their appearance, not to mention a mere image. I believe this is so even if there are echoes of them available and accepting that our presentations to the world are generated by the pattern that we manifest. It still seems to me that it is the pattern you are attempting to discover, evaluate compatibility with, and create relationship to. The point there being to create new configurations and patterns according to the value systems of participants and structures of reality. It would take a huge stretch of imagination to devise a swiping app to help with that.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#33

Post by echan00 »

blunte wrote: post #30

This makes a nice news story, but based on the criteria mentioned, it is doomed to failure. 1. There are very, very few life-long partnerships. And of the ones that are, some of them are for reciprocal benefits (not love); some are because the people are too scared or complacent to leave; some are because the two are completely lacking in ambition and hope for a better future. Most people change over time, and most p…

You sound so pessimistic you should just keep your comments to yourself from now on out.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#34

Post by endisneigh »

blunte wrote: post #30

This makes a nice news story, but based on the criteria mentioned, it is doomed to failure. 1. There are very, very few life-long partnerships. And of the ones that are, some of them are for reciprocal benefits (not love); some are because the people are too scared or complacent to leave; some are because the two are completely lacking in ambition and hope for a better future. Most people change over time, and most p…

None of what you say here imply or explain why his idea would be doomed (not to mention most of your assumptions are not always true or false and like most things depends on the person).

Not to mention points 2, 3 and 4 are completely unsubstantiated lol. How is this the top reply?

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#35

Post by coder583 »

blunte wrote: post #30

This makes a nice news story, but based on the criteria mentioned, it is doomed to failure. 1. There are very, very few life-long partnerships. And of the ones that are, some of them are for reciprocal benefits (not love); some are because the people are too scared or complacent to leave; some are because the two are completely lacking in ambition and hope for a better future. Most people change over time, and most p…

You've made a lot of grandiose claims with no evidence. Looks are extremely important as a spark in the vast majority of relationships, and people who meet online still spend time together and fall in love.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#36

Post by klipt »

OJFord wrote: post #16
klipt wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You say that like spending money on marriage is a bad thing. But effectively, if you marry someone who earns less than you, you're paying money to maintain that marriage for the rest of your life anyway.

Not in any obvious definite way if you're both above sustaining yourselves. I.e. if there is discretionary money (sourced from both parties) then what you say is only true if the decisions/compromises not in your favour outweigh your portion of the discretionary funds. (...I don't want to spend my life thinking like this.)

Well you can ignore it as long as the marriage goes well :-) but in a divorce the court will make it very clear just how much money the marriage cost the higher earner, both in terms of dividing up past earnings, and in terms of dividing up future earnings via alimony and child support.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#37

Post by dr_dshiv »

blunte wrote: post #30

This makes a nice news story, but based on the criteria mentioned, it is doomed to failure. 1. There are very, very few life-long partnerships. And of the ones that are, some of them are for reciprocal benefits (not love); some are because the people are too scared or complacent to leave; some are because the two are completely lacking in ambition and hope for a better future. Most people change over time, and most p…

It's not rocket science. It is, however, really hard. It's very hard to know whether to stay or go but i generally feel happy with marriage and kids. While it takes a lot of time and soul, it removes the need to be looking for someone, which can leave a lot of time for working on what i want to be working on. That's optimistic, but, hey.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#38

Post by blunte »

echan00 wrote: post #33
blunte wrote: post #30

This makes a nice news story, but based on the criteria mentioned, it is doomed to failure. 1. There are very, very few life-long partnerships. And of the ones that are, some of them are for reciprocal benefits (not love); some are because the people are too scared or complacent to leave; some are because the two are completely lacking in ambition and hope for a better future. Most people change over time, and most p…

You sound so pessimistic you should just keep your comments to yourself from now on out.

It seems pessimistic, but it's only pessimism if you accept the current systems that are in place (economic, human relational, etc.).

I actually think that there can be great joy, mutual success, and net-postive happiness amongst people if they are willing to reconsider the rules and boundaries set by 1-20 generations before them.

Just as with studies and news articles, it's important to consider who benefits from the message being presented. Quite often, it's the "establishment".

After all, the establishment has tried to convince us that smoking was good for you, that mastubation would make you blind (and a host of other maladies), that burning fossil fuels wouldn't harm the environment, that eating low-fat packaged goods wouldn't make us fat, that drinking diet sodas wouldn't make us fat, that vaping wouldn't do some really wack stuff to us, that politicians represented us, etc. etc.

There are places in the world today where a woman breastfeeding in public is considered offensive. Who made that determination? (I use this example because it's about the most natural human activity, perhaps beside sex.) And yet, much of the US establishment wants us to believe that it's inappropriate. All of these crazy rules and artificial limitations could be much of what's wrong with our relationships and our behavior. I'm trying to point out the absurdity of things.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#39

Post by mcculley »

rubyist5eva wrote: post #15

Whatever happened to just asking pretty girls you see on dates? That’s how I met my wife. Total stranger, gave her my number and asked her out for coffee. Been married ten years now.

They are all looking at their phones now.

Re: Tired of dating apps, Vancouver man launches social experiment to find companion

#40

Post by coder583 »

cassonmars wrote: post #12
b112 wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But online dating sites are just that, pay money, hope to get a wife.

Being on the other side of that though is: join app, wade through many low quality matches because the ratio is like 10:1, become extremely choosy because every right swipe is a match. It produces really bad psychological effects for both cohorts.

There is an approximately equal amount of men and women in the population. How is it possible that so many matches are "low quality" for women?
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