A word for this desire to fulfill self-imposed expectations is "ego". The book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle is essentially about the same realization as the author of this article, along with some management strategies that have a high degree of success (at least for me).
The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
101–110 of 116 posts
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#102A few years ago, I made a new year's resolution to be more forgiving to myself. At the time, I would feel miserable at the end of the day for, say, not doing laundry even though I had resolved to do so. I would downright hate myself for not getting this simple task done despite having had the time. So, that year, whenever I would have such a thought, I'd tell myself that I forgive my past self. "It's ok!" And it has…
I had a similar realization after reading Radical Compassion by Tara Brach. The concept of the two darts of suffering in Buddhism has also been extremely valuable to me. The first dart is the immediate pain (laundry didn't get done) and the second dart is the self-inflicted pain caused by the stories we tell to ourselves ("I can't even get a simple load of laundry done, I am a terrible person who will never accomplis…
Thank you for this reference - it's taken me on a lovely journey of reading!
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#103A few years ago, I made a new year's resolution to be more forgiving to myself. At the time, I would feel miserable at the end of the day for, say, not doing laundry even though I had resolved to do so. I would downright hate myself for not getting this simple task done despite having had the time. So, that year, whenever I would have such a thought, I'd tell myself that I forgive my past self. "It's ok!" And it has…
I had a similar realization after reading Radical Compassion by Tara Brach. The concept of the two darts of suffering in Buddhism has also been extremely valuable to me. The first dart is the immediate pain (laundry didn't get done) and the second dart is the self-inflicted pain caused by the stories we tell to ourselves ("I can't even get a simple load of laundry done, I am a terrible person who will never accomplis…
Counter-acting this negative train of thought is a goal of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for depression, and it's very successful. But also way more expensive than pills.
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#104[deleted]
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#105Earlier quoted context omitted.
I had a similar realization after reading Radical Compassion by Tara Brach. The concept of the two darts of suffering in Buddhism has also been extremely valuable to me. The first dart is the immediate pain (laundry didn't get done) and the second dart is the self-inflicted pain caused by the stories we tell to ourselves ("I can't even get a simple load of laundry done, I am a terrible person who will never accomplis…
Counter-acting this negative train of thought is a goal of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for depression, and it's very successful. But also way more expensive than pills.
I had an interesting experience with this a few years ago when I went through some pretty bad depression and anxiety. My first step of getting better was rejecting the bad feelings saying to myself "These feelings don't make sense. Stop feeling them" and that made me feel a bit better. But to really improve I had to make the realization that the feelings are a part of myself even if I don't want them to be, and that I can do better even if I don't feel good.
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#106A few years ago, I made a new year's resolution to be more forgiving to myself. At the time, I would feel miserable at the end of the day for, say, not doing laundry even though I had resolved to do so. I would downright hate myself for not getting this simple task done despite having had the time. So, that year, whenever I would have such a thought, I'd tell myself that I forgive my past self. "It's ok!" And it has…
I had a similar realization after reading Radical Compassion by Tara Brach. The concept of the two darts of suffering in Buddhism has also been extremely valuable to me. The first dart is the immediate pain (laundry didn't get done) and the second dart is the self-inflicted pain caused by the stories we tell to ourselves ("I can't even get a simple load of laundry done, I am a terrible person who will never accomplis…
My personal mantra is (roughly):
Be forgiving with your past, disciplined with your present, hopeful with your future.
I'm not a Buddhist or religious at all for that matter. But I've come to appreciate the power of rituals, prayer, meditation and spirituality in some sense. In the Sermon of the Mount it is said that sin starts in the mind (very roughly paraphrasing). In Buddhism there is the concept of planting seeds, karma, with our thoughts and actions.
I understand these things as powerful concepts, packaged as stories and metaphors. They can help us to face difficult emotional challenges (fear, hatred, pride etc.) in two ways: By preparing our minds through a form of mental hygiene and by drawing from fantastic/spiritual frameworks in overwhelming situations.
So the mantra above is a way for me to operationalise a kind of healthy self-reflection (I tend to over-reflect) and put different types of thoughts and motivations into context. It helps!
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#107A few years ago, I made a new year's resolution to be more forgiving to myself. At the time, I would feel miserable at the end of the day for, say, not doing laundry even though I had resolved to do so. I would downright hate myself for not getting this simple task done despite having had the time. So, that year, whenever I would have such a thought, I'd tell myself that I forgive my past self. "It's ok!" And it has…
The problem Is I see reminders to my failures constantly (I have mint.com open on one of my monitors). I can’t easily escape being an abject failure because of my lack of social class and status.
Recognizing failure is a good thing. Now it really depends how we see failure. I like to see it as opportunity to grow.
The worrying thing here is that you associate a specific failure with your being: "being an abject failure". Ridiculous! You know better. Class and status are just smoke and mirrors.
I sincerely hope you realize that you are not defined by the numbers on some website, will face your challenge head on, grow stronger on every step and most importantly recognize that you are not alone with this.
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#108Earlier quoted context omitted.
I had a similar realization after reading Radical Compassion by Tara Brach. The concept of the two darts of suffering in Buddhism has also been extremely valuable to me. The first dart is the immediate pain (laundry didn't get done) and the second dart is the self-inflicted pain caused by the stories we tell to ourselves ("I can't even get a simple load of laundry done, I am a terrible person who will never accomplis…
Counter-acting this negative train of thought is a goal of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for depression, and it's very successful. But also way more expensive than pills.
>>goal of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for depression, and it's very successful. But also way more expensive than pills.
short term, maybe, but I bet its cheaper long term :)
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#109Ok, but if you follow this person's advice and set realistic goals, you probably won't toil your whole life toward some unobtainable perfection only to be discovered posthumously, like all the true greats.
Re: The goal of standards is to improve our future actions
#110standards should be as high as possible without hitting mentally unhealthy.